Anyone feel super uncomfortable in social situations?

Tigerman · Post by **Tigerman** » Thu Nov 27, 2008 6:25 am

It's really weird for me because it doesn't happen all the time, but when it does it's bad! I am either Mr. social or Mr. anxiety around people. I don't really know why this is. I have been places before and felt anxiety coming and going throughout the entire night. Once I think I have gotten a handle on it, the conversation turns awkward or something else happens and I get freaked out. The frustrating thing about it is you work hard to face the fear and get through the initial wave of panic/anxiety/discomfort and then minutes later or sometimes longer it returns. It drives me bananas.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Nov 27, 2008 6:55 am

I get like that also. When you think you have it made, then out of the blue something throws you off. I pushed my limit the other night. I decided to go out to dinner with my family. This is something I normally do not do. I was feeling good that day so I suggested we go. Everything was fine and all of a sudden I got this warm wave that come over me at the end of the meal. I started to panic, you know the whole sweating,figgety, constantly moving thing. I tried not to draw any attention to myself, but in our minds everyone is watching and there not. I ended up having a stomach ache for the rest of the night. I guess thats the price you pay for pushing yourself.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Nov 27, 2008 7:08 am

Your point brings up my next question:
Everybody saya you have to face your fears and push yourself, but when you do and the symptoms don't go away, it is very discouraging. Have we just not invented the right cure yet? It seems like all of us anxiety sufferers ought to be able to join together and come up with a cure. This anxiety/low self esteem stuff is real and even though it isn't a serious disease in the conventional sense, it is most definitely debilitating. Why do some people never have low self esteem or anxiety issues? Seems to me the cure should be for us to find out what makes a person mentally healthy and confident and go from there.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Nov 27, 2008 8:13 am

I don't know but it pisses me off too!

Sheree~ · Post by **Sheree~** » Thu Nov 27, 2008 3:41 pm

Why do some people never have low self esteem or anxiety issues? Seems to me the cure should be for us to find out what makes a person mentally healthy and confident and go from there.

I think its the way we process things. I have brothers and sisters and we all were raised in the same household and I am the only one with anxiety, whats up with that? I am the outgoing one and the first one to help someone, where my other siblings don't give a crap about other peoples problems. Now that my life has been bogged down by the anxiety I don't socialize much anymore but I want to so I gear up for what ever event we go to and before you know it, Im taking something to calm me down so i don't ruin everyones day. My family looks at me with great disappointment sometimes. Only because they refuse to believe that I can not control this. So I have to fake being normal and that sucks. So to answer your question I have no idea how we end up like this except for the way we perceive things. What do you think about that?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Nov 27, 2008 3:48 pm

I, too, have had this problem. I have avoided social & group situations & many times I regret it later. I have gotten as far as getting all ready to go meet friends & then I panic & break down & cry & fall asleep on the floor. I have a terrible fear of walking into crowded rooms & not being able to find my people so I avoid it altogether. When I was with my ex-boyfriend, somehow I found strength to get past these feelings (he made me feel important & good about myself but I realize that is a problem in itself - why did I depend on him to be strong?) I'm trying to tell myself that it was in me all along but I can't always find it.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Nov 27, 2008 4:17 pm

why did I depend on him to be strong

You answered your own question.
(he made me feel important & good.
What i learned is that you shouldn't rely on anyone to make you feel this way. Its in you and its your job to make yourself feel important and good. I know its hard when your down and out but, you are important.. to yourself. I was the same way I depended on others to make me feel good, that wears thin and wears people out. You have it use it. As far as being in public places I am right in your shoes. Even if I know where I am at, when i am left alone I feel lost in space. I get so bad I can't even walk right. I feel like I am walking like a new born all wobbly.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Nov 27, 2008 4:44 pm

I know THAT feeling - walking like everyone is watching & I might trip & fall. I am learning to depend on myself & not others. I used to think that if I told others my problems that they would solve them for me. HOW STUPID! I now know that I am the ONLY one who can solve my own problems.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Nov 28, 2008 10:11 am

This may sound too simple, but when our focus is turned inward it’s all we see. The only image in our mirror of life is our “self”. People who have a fairly level stable sense of self and self esteem are not easily fragmented, and they seldom appear awkward to us. Our first thought is Wow, why can't I be like that ? The answer is also fairly simple. I can. You can. The process isn’t simple, it isn’t easy, and there are no quick fixes. If you walk into a social situation and you believe you will be nervous, you will be nervous. If you prepare for a speaking presentation and you believe you will be too anxious to remember what your subject is about, you can be sure, you will be too anxious to recall your subject. You can overcome this self defeating mindset in many ways. I have personally found that this program has the most comprehensibly structured set of instructions, and the most useful method for transfer of both skills and tools, of any thing I’ve ever come across. It works. Depending on how hard you’ve worked at solidifying your belief system about who, what, why you are the way you are, you will find the program might need to be repeated when you complete it. When I graduated, I was truly doing well. I am re-working the entire program to reinforce the skills and tools. I am determined not to set up any of those old belief systems again which were the hard-drive of my thinking. That kind of thinking did not serve me well. This new way of thinking beats the heck out of that old mindset.
You can change yourself, but you have to really work at this. The design of the program is such that day by day, it helps you restructure that whole mindset framework. If you don’t stray off the guidelines, and you stick with it, you will one day be the person who always walks into social situations with high regard for yourself. Your slip won’t be showing anymore. Your self esteem will be glowing.

newrunner · Post by **newrunner** » Sun Nov 30, 2008 10:49 am

Most of the time, I feel uncomfortable in social situations and I have to force myself to engage in them. I even go so far as to entirely avoid them. Funny thing is that I was in the food and beverage business for years. I could talk and interact and even have a good time in that situation easily. However, I discovered that that was my alter ego not me. Actually I was what you might call an impersonator.

Hope this helps . ..