Need to confront someone who humiliated me (and I feel scared and upset)

[Leda]

I was mortified last week at work--I work at a preschool and one of the kids has head lice. The nurse came in to check everyone's hair, and loudly said to me that my hair was oily and had a lot of dandruff in it (there were 4 other teachers in the room, plus all the children). [For the record I do know that I have dry scalp--dry skin all over actually--and she should have known the difference.]

I planned on speaking to her privately the following day (about how I would have liked to hear that information quietly and privately) and she wasn't there (she's only there Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays)!!

I plan to use a lot of "I" messages and focus on what I would have appreciated (being told privately and quietly). I'm very tempted to say I didn't appreciate that--I'm thinking I shouldn't? I do have to work with this person unfortunately. I don't know what would be crossing a professional line.

I've been upset about this all weekend. I try to make myself feel better but my adrenaline keeps churning thinking about the conversation. I'm so afraid to confront her because I'm afraid she'll get mad at me, or that I'd embarrass her, or she'd yell at me.

I know that's incredibly stupid-sounding but it's part of my need to please people and be liked. I'm really going out of my comfort zone here so I feel nervous. But I want most of all for her to realize that what she did was inappropriate, unprofessional and in violation of patient confidentiality.

Any help on how to make myself feel better, and less afraid?

[monty'smom]

Hi Leda,

I agree that she acted in poor taste and not in a professional, caring manner. I think it was uncalled for and it shows that some humans really don't think about how some action they perform will make another person feel. Unfortunately there will always be these kinds of people somewhere.

If talking to her will help you to feel better than do it in the way you mentioned. It's hard to know how she will react. It's a tough call that only you can make.

I wish you good luck in whatever way you choose to deal with this.

Take care and try to rid your mind of it for now as it's just producing bad feelings within and not changing anything in a positive way.

[h.beth]

you have a right to speak up leda this sort of thing is hardest thing all my life for me...but bullys that are disrespectful need to be spoken to and do not think you will bring them to a proper understanding....they often just dish it out and do not like it one bit if tables are turned on THEM. anywho...do not be afraid of ignorant seeming know it alls...we support you leda....also use few words and good posture and accvept your feelings. use only facts and let their ridiculous behavior go if they act up not liking to hear what you say="sorry----you have a right to speak to their rudeness...then let them go......they are who they are. if it goes better than that=YEA.....let us know.

[maigan_lynn]

Wow, I'd be upset too but not because of oily hair...but because of the unprofessionalism she chose to use. I would pull her aside or ask to speak with her a minute and just let her know, that though she may not have been aware of the way she made you feel, that you did feel embarassed in front of your peers and students and that you don't think it was right for her to have said what she did in the manner that she did. Let her know that you would have prefered to have been pulled aside and talked to privately about something like that. She needs to understand that people are sensitive about certain things and she wouldn't like it if someone had pointed out her flaws in a room full of people. Especially flaws that may be out of her control. If you don't say something she won't get the idea and it'll happen again, maybe not to you but to someone else. Also, it'll just eat at you, like it's doing if not confronted. It's not a comfortable situation but neither is letter a room full of people know about something you may feel insecure about. That's just my opinion. Confronting someone is never easy but I usually find a huge amount of relief when it's all said and done.