Never good, and never good enough

[Leda]

I recently realized that part of the reason I'm miserable and anxious all the time is because I feel inadequate. To me, nothing I do is good, and certainly never good enough.

I just changed careers, completed a difficult master's program and will receive my license shortly. Despite all my accomplishments (read: suffering), I am tempted to chuck it all and run away from this new career.

Part of the reason is the place where I work--a school with an "open door" policy, which means that parents can observe all day, every day, if they want, through one-way windows--and a lot of the parents of my students do!

I'm a new clinician, still learning how to do my job, and a lot of these children are severely impaired. One of the parents found out I didn't yet have my license (although it's only a couple of weeks away and of course I'm heavily supervised) and immediately requested to change me...she talked to the other parents in the class and tried to influence them to do the same...I feel miserable, inadequate and incompetent every day...and everyone is watching me, every single minute of the day (or it certainly feels that way).

I hate my job now, even though I love my coworkers and the children. It's the awful feeling of being incompetent, inadequate and insufficient. While the parents are a huge contributor to this--especially that one parent--I know it's mostly self-generated.

The thing is, how do I stop? I try to turn around negative thoughts but they're so deep-seated by this point that I just feel desolate.

[Guest]

I'm guessing that you had to have done well in your studies to get where you are. Sounds like you need some positive self-talk to let yourself know that you are quite competent at what you are doing and that there is no reason to feel inadequate. Build up your self-esteem with some good thoughts and some positive reinforcement. If there are parents who praise your work, pay attention to that. Build yourself up with that. Those that complain or try to cause trouble, take what they say just as constructive criticism and let it go. Don't dwell on it. Don't give up on this job. Give it and yourself a chance.
Hang in there. Work on that positive self-talk. I will say a prayer for you.

[LUVG]

Hi Leda, I am also in a new profession (2 yrs now) and feel many of the same emotions and generate similar thoughts. I started this job without my license and earned it 2 months after starting. Once I had it, I was treated well and more respected also I felt more confident. Give yourself time to adjust and try to treat yourself the way you would comfort and friend in your situation. Take heed of session 3, self talk. Write down a negative thought then re-write it. Don't worry about the lady who requested a change, who cares. You're obviously diligent and intelligent and her reaction is normal; some people just want to see the initials, which you're about to get. You'll build credibility with time. I also struggle daily with these self-doubts often to flagellation. It's hard to stop it once it revs up but remember it will pass. Hang in there and definitely listen to session 3 again.

[Guest]

Who are the parents watching through the windows to judge if you are good enough or not good enough??? I have parents watching where I work, and the ones with complaints are generally really smothering parents whose kids could really use some time away from, or they are just jerks. Remember, most parents who watch are just worried about their children.

Don't let the stress you feel coming for the parents feel like a reflection on you. You need to distance yourself from that stress. Don't give yourself so much credit - lots of parents are stressed and cranky wherever they are. It's not you...

Parents will always be like that, so you need to work on you not absorbing their stress. YOu need to expect some will be negative, but focus on the positive parents. Not all will be evil.

SAY YES I CAN - 10 times a day or more

that's you're homework!