I teeter back and forth from confidence to fear

Tigerman · Post by **Tigerman** » Thu Sep 25, 2008 5:27 am

Since I started this program, I am more aware of this see-saw. When I think abouit it, this has how it always has been for me. Is this a sign that the program is beginning to work for me or not? I have experienced many of the negative symptoms that people describe like spacey feelings, lump in throat, nervous stomach, upset stomach, bathroom breaks for no reason, downright terror, etc. Two thigns that I can think of that make me feel terror are public speaking and job interviews. I usually get through everything else in life pretty well. I occasionally have social anxiety, but ti doesn't deter me from going through with meeting new people. In session two panic attacks, Lucinda talks about facing those fears, but just throwing yourself into them is not the way to cure yourself of the fear. My question then is what are the steps to take to be able to conquer these two fears specifically? Weird thing is I have been a substitute teacher for three years and have presented in front fo teenagers many times, but I feel sheer terror if I present in front of my peers. I haven't had to get up in front of adults in about 5 years, but remember the feeling and don't want to experience that again. Now the job interview anxiety is normal I am sure, but just because I know others probably experience it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. The job interview anxiety is one that I most definitely have to deal with because I can't rely on my wife to make the income forever. That doesn't make me feel good as a husband and doesn't help my self-esteem.

Belinda333 · Post by **Belinda333** » Thu Sep 25, 2008 6:24 am

I'd almost describe life in that same way. Life can be a teeter totter sometimes. Yea, an interview would make most poeple a bit nervous, but if you're prepared and focused, it can be viewed as excitement instead. When I felt prepared, I sorta liked going on interviews. I was a teacher and one of my interviews I had to actually teach a lesson! yikes! But, it was good for me.
I think the message is to keep at it. When you substitute next, think about the basics that you successfully do when you're in front of class. Take mental notes. Compare those to what it would be like to be in front of your peers. Baby steps. Plan opportunities to speak in front of a few people. Get your wife to be an audience in the living room and practice. Visualize what it would feel like, anxious feelings and all...It's feeling them and knowing, "yea, that was intimidating and a bit scary, but I CAN handle it. I won't die, pee my pants or anything."
Another thing I noticed at a meeting I recently attended was 2 different ladies got up to speak and half way thru that said, "oh, I'm so nervous", but I would never have noticed had they not said something! You always feel more nervous that you actually look, I bet.
I'm envious that the rest of your life is fairly anxiety free...good for you. Use that same confidence that you take for granted and push yourself in the areas you fear.
You CAN do it.
All the best to you!!

Don57 · Post by **Don57** » Thu Sep 25, 2008 7:54 am

Hi Tigerman,
Lucinda talks about facing those fears, but just throwing yourself into them is not the way to cure yourself of the fear. My question then is what are the steps to take to be able to conquer these two fears specifically?

Lucinda is right...sorry but we can't run from our fears or we will be running the rest of our lives. We all have fears, many are the same fears, many are different and so are the extremes of the fear we feel. As you gain more self esteem and self confidence the fears will also minimize and so will many other issues. it's so amazing how people with a high self esteem just go through life like a warm summer breeze. I know people like this and have always wondered why them and not me. Well they had different parenting than me, were raised in a positive enviroment by parents that were full of confidence and very nurturing, they maybe were never bullied or picked on by other kids, if they were they fought back. I had all the opposite of them. I am so paranoid that I will mess up somehow, say the wrong thing, look nervous, etc. Pretty bad at my age that I'm feeling these things after accomplishing so many things that most say they could not have done the job I did. I was a home support worker...not an easy job by any means and I was very good at it. I would still become so nervous when given a new patient and would have myself scared to death but it was my job and I had to face the new people or person on a daily basis at times. I never turned a patient down..I faced my fear and won each time. You will have to just do that also..it may not be easy but I BELIEVE YOU CAN DO THIS, I HAVE FAITH YOU WILL BEAT THIS FEAR, YOU ARE A STRONG PERSON...JUST BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!!!

God Bless and keep going ahead,

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Sep 25, 2008 12:23 pm

Tigerman, it's a stairway. You are on the early steps. Just keep following the program. Don't ever miss doing homework. You are climbing. Sometimes not as quickly as it would be nice to climb, but you are on a journey of ascent here.