Everyone says I became gay after my divorce because i was depressed,have anxiety,etc. I believe me being who I am now has nothing to do with my depression or anxiety or panic attacks. I dont understand that. I have always been this way about the same gender whether I was with the opposite gender or not.Can anyone relate to being part of the family. It doesnt help being put down all the time and frowned upon it doesnt help my situation at all. Im feeling like Im worthless in everyones eyes now.I am gay and everyone says.......
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DaDutchess
- Posts: 16
- Joined: Mon Aug 25, 2008 4:31 pm
Everyone says I became gay after my divorce because i was depressed,have anxiety,etc. I believe me being who I am now has nothing to do with my depression or anxiety or panic attacks. I dont understand that. I have always been this way about the same gender whether I was with the opposite gender or not.Can anyone relate to being part of the family. It doesnt help being put down all the time and frowned upon it doesnt help my situation at all. Im feeling like Im worthless in everyones eyes now.-
Guest
Hi,
I'm sorry you are going through a hard time. I'm sorry that I don't have any words of wisdom, but wanted to say that I don't think this is uncommon. I'm not gay, but my uncle is. He was married and then he got divorced telling the family that it had nothing to do with his ex-wife. He didn't tell anyone for probably 8-10 years and everyone took it really hard, especially his mom. She worried that she 'made him gay' or something.
You are NOT worthless! Please don't feel that way! My husband and I were not married when we had our first child and my parents were VERY upset (I was 22 and on my own, not a teen). I also felt worthless. So I think I understand a little about how you feel.
take care,
Ocean
I'm sorry you are going through a hard time. I'm sorry that I don't have any words of wisdom, but wanted to say that I don't think this is uncommon. I'm not gay, but my uncle is. He was married and then he got divorced telling the family that it had nothing to do with his ex-wife. He didn't tell anyone for probably 8-10 years and everyone took it really hard, especially his mom. She worried that she 'made him gay' or something.
You are NOT worthless! Please don't feel that way! My husband and I were not married when we had our first child and my parents were VERY upset (I was 22 and on my own, not a teen). I also felt worthless. So I think I understand a little about how you feel.
take care,
Ocean
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Carolyn Dickman
- Posts: 264
- Joined: Tue Jun 28, 2005 3:00 am
Hi DaDutchess, first of all, Ocean is right you are anything BUT worthless! It is a challenge I struggle with daily, not taking the opinions of others to heart. If you are close to your family and want to have a positive relationship I would talk to them and tell them how you are feeling. You cannot change who you are, it is who you are! Kudos to you DaDutchess for coming out in the first place, you KNEW deep down in your heart that something wasn't right, that you were not your self and you had the COURAGE to come out, you should be SOOOO proud of yourself, I admire you for that b/c it was not easy! You will be happier in the end. The thing that is difficult to remember is that no one else but you is inside your body and no one else BUT you knows what is right for you. Your family might think they are being helpful as they might think that you are confused.But in fact offering their opinion as to what is best for you is not helping you but hindering you. You are so strong DaDutchess, you should feel so good about taking the first step by coming out, there are good things that will come your way. I will keep you in my thoughts
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Guest
Hello and I too am so sorry for how you are feeling. I am not gay and that doesn't matter. We are all different in some ways and yet so much the same in many ways. We are ALL worthy and deserving of unconditional love and respect from ourselves, partners, family, co-workers etc. It starts from within ourselves. You MUST LOVE YOURSELF, RESPECT YOURSELF, LIKE YOURSELF, ACCEPT WHO AND WHAT YOU ARE...EVERY DAY!!
If people aren't accepting you then you may have to be firm and say something along the line of " If you don't love, like, respect me for me then I need to stay away from you as your words or actions are toxic and hurtfull and disrespectfull and negative and I won't have that from you or anyone." I have had to do this with my Mother. She was bad for me in so many ways and just always upsetting me. I just could not win with her, nor could most people. She ruined family events, hung up on me and other family members and does still do that to my sister and brother. I did not speak to her for about 5 years. I know to some that may sound cold but I had way too many days ruined by her actions for most of my life so I just had to rid myself of that problem. It was very hard at first but got easier as time went on and I started to feel better without her in my life. I also in that process didn't hear from my sister or brother as she controlled them and so it goes. It was their loss and now they still have to pussy foot around her to keep the peace and I don't. My Mom and I worked things out and now share a healthy relationship for the first time since I was 7-8 years old. She spent a lot of the 5 years missing me, crying, etc. and never wants to lose me again. She knows the first time she hangs up on me or upsets me that I will once again say NO MORE!!!
It was my place to either let her get away with it all or like and respect myself enough to stop it...I'm so glad I chose to stop it. She is so supportive of me now and always tells me how proud she is of me. It's nice to hear positive words from her. I wish things had been different because of all the time spent missing out being together but it would not have changed had I not stopped letting her treat me badly. If all these people are doing is hurting you than why do you want or need them in your life right now. Let them know you won't stand for this behavior and let go until they see it's them with the PROBLEM & NOT YOU unless you give them permission to treat you badly. We can be our own best friend or our own worst enemy.
You deserve life's goodness. Hope this gives you a different perspective on your situation. TOUGH LOVE usually works.
(((((HUGS))))) we all need.
Wishing you the best no matter how you deal with this.
If people aren't accepting you then you may have to be firm and say something along the line of " If you don't love, like, respect me for me then I need to stay away from you as your words or actions are toxic and hurtfull and disrespectfull and negative and I won't have that from you or anyone." I have had to do this with my Mother. She was bad for me in so many ways and just always upsetting me. I just could not win with her, nor could most people. She ruined family events, hung up on me and other family members and does still do that to my sister and brother. I did not speak to her for about 5 years. I know to some that may sound cold but I had way too many days ruined by her actions for most of my life so I just had to rid myself of that problem. It was very hard at first but got easier as time went on and I started to feel better without her in my life. I also in that process didn't hear from my sister or brother as she controlled them and so it goes. It was their loss and now they still have to pussy foot around her to keep the peace and I don't. My Mom and I worked things out and now share a healthy relationship for the first time since I was 7-8 years old. She spent a lot of the 5 years missing me, crying, etc. and never wants to lose me again. She knows the first time she hangs up on me or upsets me that I will once again say NO MORE!!!
It was my place to either let her get away with it all or like and respect myself enough to stop it...I'm so glad I chose to stop it. She is so supportive of me now and always tells me how proud she is of me. It's nice to hear positive words from her. I wish things had been different because of all the time spent missing out being together but it would not have changed had I not stopped letting her treat me badly. If all these people are doing is hurting you than why do you want or need them in your life right now. Let them know you won't stand for this behavior and let go until they see it's them with the PROBLEM & NOT YOU unless you give them permission to treat you badly. We can be our own best friend or our own worst enemy.
You deserve life's goodness. Hope this gives you a different perspective on your situation. TOUGH LOVE usually works.
(((((HUGS))))) we all need.
Wishing you the best no matter how you deal with this.
I'm sure your family do not look down on you as being worthless. It is hard for them to understand what you are feeling with the anxiety, depression and being Gay. They cannot relate to your situation because they have not researched and become knowledgeable on the subject of people who suffer with anxiety and depression, or experienced it themselves. Remember, your feelings of worthlessness in their eyes, is your own personal negative thoughts (not theirs) which you are telling yourself - based on what your family members have been saying to you. Feeling this way after what they said to you is a perfectly normal reaction that most people would go through. But you must not accept your feeling of being worthless as the "Truth," because it is not. Do not feel yourself with lies. It is also a good idea to remember that, even the closest people to us, especially family, are not always going to be as open-minded and understandable to are personal problems as we would like them to.
As long as you are a good kind person, and you make positive contributions to the world we live in and to the lives of the people around you, is the most important thing. Your "Sexual Preference" has no relevance.
Hope all is well with you.
As long as you are a good kind person, and you make positive contributions to the world we live in and to the lives of the people around you, is the most important thing. Your "Sexual Preference" has no relevance.
Hope all is well with you.
thank you so much i needed to hear some positive feedback.Originally posted by monty'smom:
Hello and I too am so sorry for how you are feeling. I am not gay and that doesn't matter. We are all different in some ways and yet so much the same in many ways. We are ALL worthy and deserving of unconditional love and respect from ourselves, partners, family, co-workers etc. It starts from within ourselves. You MUST LOVE YOURSELF, RESPECT YOURSELF, LIKE YOURSELF, ACCEPT WHO AND WHAT YOU ARE...EVERY DAY!!
If people aren't accepting you then you may have to be firm and say something along the line of " If you don't love, like, respect me for me then I need to stay away from you as your words or actions are toxic and hurtfull and disrespectfull and negative and I won't have that from you or anyone." I have had to do this with my Mother. She was bad for me in so many ways and just always upsetting me. I just could not win with her, nor could most people. She ruined family events, hung up on me and other family members and does still do that to my sister and brother. I did not speak to her for about 5 years. I know to some that may sound cold but I had way too many days ruined by her actions for most of my life so I just had to rid myself of that problem. It was very hard at first but got easier as time went on and I started to feel better without her in my life. I also in that process didn't hear from my sister or brother as she controlled them and so it goes. It was their loss and now they still have to pussy foot around her to keep the peace and I don't. My Mom and I worked things out and now share a healthy relationship for the first time since I was 7-8 years old. She spent a lot of the 5 years missing me, crying, etc. and never wants to lose me again. She knows the first time she hangs up on me or upsets me that I will once again say NO MORE!!!
It was my place to either let her get away with it all or like and respect myself enough to stop it...I'm so glad I chose to stop it. She is so supportive of me now and always tells me how proud she is of me. It's nice to hear positive words from her. I wish things had been different because of all the time spent missing out being together but it would not have changed had I not stopped letting her treat me badly. If all these people are doing is hurting you than why do you want or need them in your life right now. Let them know you won't stand for this behavior and let go until they see it's them with the PROBLEM & NOT YOU unless you give them permission to treat you badly. We can be our own best friend or our own worst enemy.
You deserve life's goodness. Hope this gives you a different perspective on your situation. TOUGH LOVE usually works.
(((((HUGS))))) we all need.
Wishing you the best no matter how you deal with this.
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Guest
Who cares what everyone says. Take comfort in knowing that you are on the path to being who you truly are, you don't have to live a lie. With time you'll be able to unpack this and feel good again. I highly recommend the program if you don't already have it. Be true to yourself and talk to yourself in a more comforting way, like you would talk to a good friend in pain or how you would treat a wet puppy. Good luck! Thoughts are with you.
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Guest
A couple of things:
If someone has a problem with you, it's really their problem. I might not like you gambling, but I'm the one with an issue with it. We all have issues with others, and others have issues with us.
I have a gay brother and aunt. They are wonderful people. They've got my back if I need them. Our priest once said that to look around church and that one in ten was gay. He told us we can hate the sin if we want, but we are to love the sinner no matter the sin or who the sinner is. Truth be told, we are all sinners so we can't single out one type of sinner as wrong. It certainly doesn't make you worthless. Be proud of who you are, not who you are not. Build on your positives and strengths!
If someone has a problem with you, it's really their problem. I might not like you gambling, but I'm the one with an issue with it. We all have issues with others, and others have issues with us.
I have a gay brother and aunt. They are wonderful people. They've got my back if I need them. Our priest once said that to look around church and that one in ten was gay. He told us we can hate the sin if we want, but we are to love the sinner no matter the sin or who the sinner is. Truth be told, we are all sinners so we can't single out one type of sinner as wrong. It certainly doesn't make you worthless. Be proud of who you are, not who you are not. Build on your positives and strengths!