Ever get really mad then later wonder what your problem was?

Faith_TX · Post by **Faith_TX** » Sat Sep 13, 2008 3:29 pm

Some of you have helped me sort out my little temper tantrums this week. I know it's not ALL me.

But ever get mad at your spouse, stay mad for days, then 'come to' and wonder what all the fuss was about?

Beau7 · Post by **Beau7** » Sat Sep 13, 2008 3:54 pm

Faith,

When you get down to it... I am glad that I can say that I have somebody to fuss with!

I think when we "come to" we realize... it probably wasn't that important anyway! and we are always growing & learning.

Things that are really worth something usually don't come easy right?

Beau7

Faith_TX · Post by **Faith_TX** » Sat Sep 13, 2008 4:07 pm

Yeah I just question my sanity at times anyway, and things like this make me wonder if I really am all there.

He does sometimes play little games. . .I know that, but after we're done with a fuss, he'll just hang back and wait for me to come around. Which, could be a good thing he's not adding fuel to the fire . . . but then I'm left wondering "was this REALLY all just in my head?"

I don't like that feeling but I also don't want to keep thinking he's being malicious. . .so there you go. .

cuttingirl · Post by **cuttingirl** » Sat Sep 13, 2008 5:05 pm

Yes. This happens to me often! I think we are having extreme/ long-lasting/ rapidly cycling mood swings. It goes something like this. There is a trigger. I am launched headfirst into a state of extreme panic, "my life is awful because of fill-in-the-blank! I have to do somthing about this!" Some time passes, usually hours, often days, during which I say awful things, do strange things, and once it wears off or burns itself out, I feel like well what was that?!? I am totally normal and happy now. Sometimes there is fallout. Then it begins again. I hope to find some keys to this cycling in the program. I have completed it once and am doing a second round. Good luck! Let me know if you have any insight into this. I could use it!

Faith_TX · Post by **Faith_TX** » Sat Sep 13, 2008 5:13 pm

Interesting you mention cycling. . . I actually asked my psych if I was bi-polar because my moods go back and forth. He doesn't feel that I am. Sure feels strange sometimes. And I just still can't decide if it's just me or if it is some of those around me too. Probably a little of both but mostly me. LOL

cuttingirl · Post by **cuttingirl** » Sat Sep 13, 2008 5:24 pm

I believe we are struggling with the cycles of anxiety and depression. The mind and body can only stay at such a high level of anxiety before you run of out fuel then you subsist in a depressed state until the stores are built back up... repeat... no matter what it is called, I know we can live better than this adn that we deserve to. I know we can be the master of our minds. Just think of the power we will wield! Bwa ha ha ha! (sorry, that was silly)

R.Younger · Post by **R.Younger** » Sat Sep 13, 2008 7:10 pm

Thanks for the awesome posts girls!!!! I really needed to hear someone say these things as these are some of my greatest struggles. I WAS told I am bi-polar and that would certainly explain some of my "crazy" cycles I go through. I guess though for me it can feel very defeating sometimes

Faith_TX · Post by **Faith_TX** » Sun Sep 14, 2008 3:46 pm

I think for me what it is . . is more that the little issue really represents a bigger issue that we haven't dealt with. And, if we don't deal with it I'm left feeling like "why did I make such a big deal out of that?"

I had a long talk with hubby this morning about all the stuff we've been going through and he was explaining that guys don't always have some deep hidden meaning to everything and it's hard for me to remember that. But also, after talking a long time he realized that he really did have certain motives and feelings but he's just not as in touch with his feelings as I am and didn't really realize it.

So, my gut instinct was right after all, it just took 3 weeks to get us to communicate it all.

Thankfully that is NOT the norm for us. It was really a rough time and now we have to deal with hurt feelings from some of the stuff that was said during that time.

DaDutchess · Post by **DaDutchess** » Sun Sep 14, 2008 8:10 pm

Yes I have totally had an episode where you have uncontrollable anger and alot of exchanging words, then wonder wow why did I just blow up like taz and didnt get a hold of myself before it went out of control then I suffer form guilt and try to make up then its to late

Lenore · Post by **Lenore** » Mon Sep 15, 2008 1:41 am

I know what y'all are referring to - I was there @ 1 time myself - not just during my journey to recovery fr anxiety disorder & depression - but for MANY YEARS PRIOR. I'm not "there" any longer.

I remember telling my psychiatrist, during our initial therapy sessions back in 2005, "I feel like I need to fight the world. Like I need to defend myself against everybody. I have a very short fuse." I had no patience or tolerance for anything other than what I had deemed appropriate behavior/actions towards me. If it fell short - well, IT WAS ON = I WAS ON. Well, hell - y'all know the world & other people - we can't control them(cept I didn't realize this back then & for all them years). So, I WAS ON all the time. Makes ya pretty darn tired. Most importantly, that also means I was in a "bad/cranky mood" ALL TOO OFTEN. That is not good - looking back now guys, I tell ya, IT DIDN'T FEEL GOOD EITHER.

I am pretty sure, in my particular case, I know WHY. I wasn't feeling good: unbeknownst to me, I had all these surpressed negative emotions inside of me = anger + emotional pain + fear + lord have mercy - the deepest resentmentyou could imagine. I had carried them for years - & - they were waying heavy on me. Quite frankly, w/o even realizing it, emotionally, I WAS VERY OVER-WHELMED.

That is why, in APR 2005, anxiety disorder triggered. I was diagnosed w/ anxiety disorder + panic attacks + PTSD. Well heck, if I wasn't feeling emotionally swell b/4 - anxiety disorder was the emotional "icing on the cake" - I definitely wasn't feeling good then. You simply don't feel physically & emotionally good when you are experiencing the worst of anxiety disorder &/or depression. Both of these ailments will wear you out & wear you dwn in every which way you could imagine. They totally effect your quality of life. So, when I was not feeling good - I ACTED OUT. Now, I was so caught up in all this mess - I wasn't able to see how bad my temper really was & how little patience I had for not only myself - but w/ others. I was so caught up in this mess - I didn't know different or better - I THOUGHT I WAS TOTALLY RIGHT MAJORITY OF THE TIMES - I THOUGHT "YOU WERE THE 1 WHO WAS WRONG & YOU WERE THE 1 W/ THE PROBLEM, NOT ME". As a result of all these things combined, I was in a pretty pissed off mood - too often. I had perfected this way of acting/reacting for many years. So that, it was 2nd nature to me & for me - an assumed 1 unfortunately. This simply means I over-reacted all the time, w/ all things. If you think about it for a moment, when we don't feel good for whatever the reason (flu + headaches + belly ache/pms - lol, etc) we are cranky - so, we then act out - more often than not, w/ those closest to us. Not feeling good(irrevalent to the cause), makes ya ANGRY.

For me, once I started the journey to recovery via therapy, is when I started to find MY OWN ANSWERS. Once I began addressing events I feared - events fr yrs gone by that I feared remembering or accepting as truth = actually happening, is when I started the beginning of my FEELING BETTER. When I started to rid myself, gradually, of all the surpressed/negative emotions, I began to FEEL BETTER. When I did rid myself of those respective emotions, I was then able to learn to have a healthier & more realistic perspective on various events I had lived through. Consquently, I was then able to PARLAY THAT KNOWLEDGE into my reaction to CURRENT TIMES & how I chose to react. The more I healed + the more I unburdened myself of those negative emotions + the more I CHANGED, the better I did feel.

I personally needed to addess the WHY'S behind my anxiety disorder & depression, b/4 I could then go about changing myself. My changing myself, came 2nd. Getting @ the WHY'S 1st, helped me in preventing them fr constantly regurgitating themselves over & over again throughout my life. My WHY'S created my BEHAVIORS. I am not justifying them - not at all. MY understanding them was an invaluable tool in my recovery. Once I went thru the therapy process - the FOG CLEARED. I had a very poignant moment (literlly right b/4 I ordered Lucinda's program) where I said to myself "Lenore, there are things about you that need to change. These negative aspects of your personality are of no benefit to us - they are more honestly, a hinderance. If you want to feel better - it is you who is responsible for you - not he/she/they/them - you. If you want to feel better - CHANGE YOU." cross my heart honest, it was right then & there I ordered the program. You see, I didn't see anything wrong w/ me prior to anxiety disorder triggering. However, once I went thru therapy & unburdened myself w/ all those surpressed emotions, I COULD SEE/FEEL CLEARER.
KAREOKE(just like that song fr yrs ago): "I can see clearly now the rain is gone, I can see all obstacles in my way..." - come on, you all know that song. I could then see those aspects of my personality that required changing. Because I TRULY DID WANT TO "FEEL BETTER", I was WILLING & READY for self responsibility & accountability. I started Lucinda's program(NOV 2006) & completed it the 1st time in MARCH 2007.

I tell ya, if I ever were to meet Lucinda, I don't know if I'd want to hug her 1st her give her a ^^^^^^^5 man - BIG TIME. The more I changed, the better I felt. Coming fr the perspective of having experiened the worst that anxiety disorder & depression had to offer me, FEELING GOOD FEELS DAMN GOOD. By me changing myself, I changed my life. There were PARTICULAR benefits(things learned) of me changing myself - as it relates to ANGER, that I'd like to mention:

- This journey afforded me the GIFT (yes it is 1 trust me, I beg you) of me GETTING CONTROL OVER MY EMOTIONS. This includes, as Lucinda describes in her program, how I: act + react + my anger + my expectations of myself & others so that they are much more realistic & healthy + my thinking + my perceptions of self/others/life + my CHOOSING not to "wallow" &/or "dwell" in all things/ anything indefinitely + stress mgt + forgivness + letting go & moving on + MAD/PASSIONATE love of self - the most important thing of all + me taking care of me (via whatever & any means necessary) & NOT looking to others, whether it is my husband + our family + friends - to create my happiness. I am responsible for me.

- I don't take things so darn PERSONALLY all the time. By me getting in control or having better control over my emotions, I was then able to learn this = NOT TAKE THINGS SO PERSONALLY. Before, I assumed a person's "unperfect" actions/behavior towards me were some silly personal vendetta toward me. This applied to hubby + our family + friends + co-workers + clients, etc - heck, even the person on the subway when I used to cummute to & fr NYC. So, I in turn, GOT THEM - I over-reacted + lost my temper + got mad + stayed mad - till they saw the error of their ways. Well hell, that never happens, lol lol

You'd wait till the cows come home - I did. Trust you me, where I live in NJ, there ain't no cows - so I was waiting a pretty long time, hahahahah (just me trying to make silly about things). I've learned to put things in a healtheir perspective & learned to act + react accordingly. I can't control her/he/she/they/them - only me. I've learned & continue to do so, to be assertive - so I know my wants/likes/dislike & act on them when I deem necessary. If a person, irrevalent to who hey are - wants to be in a pissed off mood - let them, it ain't happening to me. Let them fester in their own negativity - I worked too damn hard to get where I am for them to effect me that way & to try to TAKE THIS AWAY FR ME.

- I've said this many times before: fr here on in, till the end of my days which will hopefuly be 50=60 yrs dwn the road, my main goal w/ all things is MY FEELING BETTER. Every single thing action & reaction is w/ that single purpose - I want to feel better & maitain that. I remember - not in fear, but in motivation. I remember what the worst was like & how hard I've worked to get where I am right now - that is PRICELESS TO ME - maintaining that, for me, is invaluable.

Not everything in life will be easy, it won't. I won't always FEEL/feel 100%. However, by me taking care of me + not taking things PERSONALLY + controlling my emotions (anger for 1)+ maintaining my FEEL BETTER attitude/mind-set + realistic/healthier expectations - I will feel better. Consequently, my quality of life will also be better. I will also be in a much better position to handle ALL THAT "LIFE" will give me/throw @ me.

Extreme/excessive ANGER is often a SYMPTOM of something else going on inside of us. Get to the root cause & you will begin to feel better. Feeling or being angry all the time just doesn't feel good. What is more important than YOU FEEL GOOD/BETTER? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

LENORE