Not sure if coming on here everyday is making Anxiety any better?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun May 11, 2008 1:30 am

I am 1 of many who has recovered fr anxiety disorder.

My anxiety triggered in Apr-2005. It came fast! It was so severe in my case - I couldn't work for the 1st time in my adult life(I was 37 @ the time). I initiated therapy w/ a psychiatrist(due to my background). I was diagnosed w/ Anxiety Disorder + Panic Attacks & PTSD(fr surgery I had that triggered anxiety disorder + 9/11-I was physically there + childhood) Upon consultation w/ therapist, & because of the severe state I was in, I agreed to go on meds: Clonazapam 3x's per day. In addition, I was experiencing severe sleep deprivation - averaging only 1-2 hrs per every 24 hrs. As a result, I was on 2 sleep aids(the anxiety med & 1 sleep aid were not enough in my case). I was EXISTING, not living. I was living in a constant state/24-7 of parilizing - restricting - inhibiting numbing fear. I, a woman who prided herself on her independence & self sufficiency, became 100% dependant on her husband - emotionally dependant on ANYONE & THE HOMELESS MAN ON THE CORNER so to speak -! It couldn't get any worse than it was for me.

I had a lot of stuff to work through to get recovered - as Don says, NO IT AIN'T EASY. ITS POSSIBLE. I had to go thru 20 very intensive mths of therapy - consolidating 20+ YEARS of childhood -forward TRAUMA into 20MTHS- that is tough. Then, just when I thought I had done enough, recovery told me NO - MORE. Then, I needed to face myself: jrnling + reading 16+ books + LUCINDA'S PROGRAM. Mind you, doing all these things while home for 3 yrs - while everyone I knew worked: hubby + extended family/in-laws + friends, etc. These past 3 yrs were the hardest of my life.

What was the reward for all that hard work? Well, 1st - I am recovered. I haven't taken any sleep aids in almost 2 yrs & anxiety meds in well over 1 1/2yrs. I faced the hell I lived as a child & came out the other side as a FORMER VICTIM - 1 w/ forgiveness & the ability to move on & let go. I faced myself - kind of scary sight early in the morning let me tell you, hahahhahah - gotta have some humor in all this.

I am a changed woman & continue to grow/evolve. God chose my gender - he made me a female. I made me a LADY & 1 HELL OF A STRONG WOMAN. I ret'd to WORKING U.S.A. 1 1/2mths ago -the 1st step of the rest of my life. Kind of like being born again = given a 2nd chance @ life - cept this time, NO DRAMA SEEKING + NO NEGATIVITY - anything & everything you could imagine - I'm trying to get & do, to better enhance MY QUALITY OF LIFE + HOW I FEEL + MY INNER PEACE. I am getting it & I am doing it. Are there still stressors in the world & people - thereby creating anxiety for me - SURE - can't run fr it - anxiety = human. I'm just not afraid of it & I have skills to work thru it.

I've met some of the nicest people here at StressCenter.com CHAT/FORUM - for their friendships + support + advice, I am humbled to my knees. However, in the end, it was I who had to DO THE WORK. Recovery doesn't come easy - it is very hard fought. However, the benefits of that hard work make what I am feeling right now 100% WORTH IT. Make recovery your #1 priority - you know that feeling: <span class="ev_code_RED">WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR EYE ON THE PRIZE - WHEN YOU WANT SOMETHING BAD ENOUGH - THERE AIN'T NOTHING ON THIS EARTH THAT IS GONNA STOP YOU, NOTHING.</span> Remember, we are talking about changing negative habits/behaviors that have manifested themselves via MANY YRS - as a result, change will not happen over-night. BUT, YES THERE IS A BUT - CHANGE DOES HAPPEN.

Continued success to you & recovery for everyone.

Your Friend,

LENORE

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun May 11, 2008 10:13 am

Lenore- Thank you for your posts. They are helpful. I've been med free for several months and can sleep now without anything and I hope it continues like it has with you.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu May 15, 2008 11:21 am

Thank-you for all your replies... I am going back to work next week after being off for 5 months..

God is Awsome!

New Stace · Post by **New Stace** » Thu May 15, 2008 11:51 am

I was inspired by all these posts today. Thank you guys. I feel better. I just started session 3 and I 'm not doing too well on fighting negativism but it is gonna take a whie to break these habits of decades. Never give up.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu May 15, 2008 2:27 pm

Im on session 7 and have seen a big difference in myself. No I am not fully recovered yet and no this is not a place for immediate gratification but all my hard work as been paying off. Ive started to notice "wow Im not getting as upset as I would" Im actually surprised.

When I do have really anxious episodes they are ALOT less severe and last ALOT shorter than they would before. Im really compassionate with myself, positive, feel good alot of the time, am off my xanax about 99% of the time, (I took it once the other night at 4am when I had a pms/guilt/panic attack and had to be at school by 8am) I can sleep at night after months of insomnia.

The biggest thing though is that I KNOW what is going on. i know why I feel the way I do and how to best get through it. This program is alot of work but alot of reward. When I get discouraged and say "why do I still feel this way? maybe I should give up Ive had it so long" Then I remember, ive had it so long that a few months to a year is nothign compared to how ill feel the rest of my life by learning these skills. I believe this will work Ive alrady seen such a change.
Keep motivated, alot of times people dont write posi things because they dont feel like they need to come on here nless they have a problem. Also people come here when they are in a panic and post and it seems more extreme than it actually is a few minutes later.

One more thing, we people with anxiety think that no one really acres about us and so no one will acre about the posi things we have to say about ourselves. We dont want to be selfish.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu May 15, 2008 2:46 pm

Thanks Jocie22. It is good to hear you are doing well. I am only on Session 2 and to see that someone is making good progress helps me to be more positive. I appreciate your post.

Inna · Post by **Inna** » Mon Sep 08, 2008 11:34 pm

it is gonna take a whie to break these habits of decades. Never give up.

That is so true I took this course 3 years ago, but still I find times when I go through the growth spurts. like last week when a problem with my husband came flying back out of the "old ways" we used to communicate. I started with the old habit. but thanks to the tools from this course I stoped before I damaged our marriage. I could be calm, and cool, using the teachable moment to help my case. without attacking or belittling him. I thank God for this course.
I feel a bit chastised from Don57; he is right when we are out of this valley, and living our lives, we forget to come back and encourage the new ones like we should. I am guilty of that, when I think of the ones I drew strength from, I am ashamed I haven't been on here all summer. I have been so strong, and healthy this summer, I have had 5 years of catching up to do. Well I had to lower my expectations about that, it will take a while to get it all right, but for now, I am proud of my accomplishments this summer. I am 5 years past my expiration date according to the M.D's and glad to be on this side of the grass. I will never take my life for granted again, Lucinda has taught me to Enjoy every precious moment, and I am forever gratfull.
God Bless you all

Barb G. · Post by **Barb G.** » Tue Sep 09, 2008 12:48 am

I wanted to add a post to this as well. I can see both sides of the coin. The initial post stated that this forum can at times be very negative. I was finding the same thing and feeling the same way. I mean NO disrespect to anyone at all, please believe that! Although, here is/was my issue. I want to get better (and feel as though I AM getting better) I know that people post on here because they want reassurance that they are okay, and that others have been there, done that, and will feel better. However, I cannot bring myself to read anymore posts about symptoms, worries, etc.
That is one of the MAIN reasons I started the Daily Inspiration strand in the August Support Group section. I want to inspire, have something POSITIVE to read and write.

Someone else posted that people who have recovered, dont come back and post. I see that as well. I have often wondered where are all these recovered people? Why arent they on here offering support? One of the forums says that it is monitored by Carolyn, I wrote a post more than a month ago and have never gotten a response 'from carolyn'. Does anyone from the StressCenter.com monitor and/or post to these forums?

I guess I am rambling and I truely hope I have not offended anyone. I wish EVERYONE peace of mind, and calm days ahead, and they will come. Try to be positive every single day, even if its only moment by moment.

Every day without anxiety and/or depression is a triumph, it doesnt have to be any special event. Wishing good days to everyone.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Sep 09, 2008 2:57 am

Also the Spirituality forum is always a good place to look for inspiration, and the Humor, and Triumphs, there are forums for every, mood you may be in. If you don't feel like encouraging someone, who is having a bad day, don't log on to their forums, log on to the Spirituality forum, and ask for prayer, or go on the Humor forum, for a laugh. If you are wondering it this ever works, log in to the Triumphs, read them even the old ones, We old geezers are on here, I spent nearly 3 years on here both growing, growning, and giving.
I am sorry your post was ignored, I don't know why usually someone has some thing to say about everything on here. I have had Carolyn post encouragement to me. but not often, maybe twice in 3 years. she has allot to do, and yes they do monitor this, very closely, it sounds like this has been a mild summer, no turf fights, that is a good thing, they have had to black ball some people in the past. They don't like to do that, this is a place for people to get well, and find comfort, or commiserate to a point, sometimes we just need to vent, but not in order to hurt people.
not being here for so long I want to comment, I like the changes, I especially like the spell checker.
Swan01 you can be glad Carolyn hasn't found any reason to call you down or expel you, and be patient with others who are perhaps wallowing a little it is all part of the process, walking this Vally alone doesn't get you there, we are all on here for help, and some of us can give help, even the new one can be a ray of sunshine when they see the light, and an older one can make a mistake and hit to hard while trying to shake some one out of a rut. We are still only human, and far from perfect but just because "I am not where I want to be, but I am not where I used to be, I'm OK and I am on my way!" keep looking up!,

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Sep 09, 2008 5:14 am

I think you misunderstood my post. I was not looking to get chastised by carolyn or yelled at or expelled.
Words of encouragement for the people who are struggling, from experienced staff members would be beneficial for all involved.
They just seem absent was my point.