Well after my bout of deep depression from giving up smoking I decided last night when talking to my mother on the phone to tell her all about my past, She never knew, infact I have never told anyone about my experiences with Anxiety,depression,agoraphobia,social anxiety, I managed to hide it all very well.
I told my mother lastnight who is a nurse, if anyone would understand it would be her. Her responce was? Pull yourself together man and go out and have a walk!! Yes like a walk is going to solve all lifes problems. Have you encountered this type of attitude?
Pull Yourself Together Man!
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Guest
It probably helps your mom. They say that sunshine can help to lift your mood too. I know it may of sounded harsh when your mom said that, she probably just wants you to feel better! I have encountered that attitude but I've probably said the same thing to my mom that suffers from depression. (I also suffer from it at times). I know sometimes its like gawd I just can't but when you do it's like hey its not the end of the world 
. Sometimes we are depressed because we want to stay that way. Try to cut mom some slack, and yourself too. Treat yourself to something nice and relaxing because you are blue. You deserve it and it may make you feel better.
. Sometimes we are depressed because we want to stay that way. Try to cut mom some slack, and yourself too. Treat yourself to something nice and relaxing because you are blue. You deserve it and it may make you feel better.-
Guest
Hey there,
I understand your point and totally see where you are coming from. However, I am getting to the spot where I am really seeing this whole thing as an attitude and thought problem. I am on week 8 right now and to quote Lucinda, there is nothing to be cured from, we dont have a disease, we have a problem with thoughts. (basically). okay so my point it...lol.... over the summer I had a bad panic attack, hadnt had a bad one in quite some time. It stayed with me for days which then led to getting really depressed for about ten days. had NEVER been that depressed or anxious before. one of my best and dearest friends came over to check on me because I wasnt answering the phone, we went outside to talk...and smoke.... and the BEST advice she gave to me was this. she said "Barb, you see that little girl in there watching TV?, You have GOT TO SNAP OUT OF THIS and STEP UP TO THE PLATE!"
Was it harsh? yes, Was it straight shooting from the hip? Absolutely. The minute she said that, I was like, WOW.... she is sooooo totally right!
I have found that anxiety/depression is VERY VERY selfish, we focus on ourselves A LOT. how we're feeling, whats wrong with us, why do I feel this way.... etc.
The whole time I was going through those days, the only thing I was focused on was myself. Calling my mom and crying, calling my dad and crying, calling my sisters...and well you get the point. Little did I know that during that whole time, my step father was very ill and my mom never said a word to me about it. and did I ask how anyone else was doing? Nope, cause I was all wrapped up in me. Its okay to take time for yourself, Im not saying we shouldnt focus on ourselves and take care of ourselves, I just mean its selfish while we're in an episode.
Anyway, I am rambling, but I took my friends advice, I did "step up to the plate", I got my attacking anxiety CD's out, decided to make a change and did so and am continuing to do so every single day.
I am sure your mom meant what she said in the most positive of ways, so try to see it that way.
Change your thoughts, change your life
Stay positive, I hope that you have a very wonderful, peaceful, calm day
I understand your point and totally see where you are coming from. However, I am getting to the spot where I am really seeing this whole thing as an attitude and thought problem. I am on week 8 right now and to quote Lucinda, there is nothing to be cured from, we dont have a disease, we have a problem with thoughts. (basically). okay so my point it...lol.... over the summer I had a bad panic attack, hadnt had a bad one in quite some time. It stayed with me for days which then led to getting really depressed for about ten days. had NEVER been that depressed or anxious before. one of my best and dearest friends came over to check on me because I wasnt answering the phone, we went outside to talk...and smoke.... and the BEST advice she gave to me was this. she said "Barb, you see that little girl in there watching TV?, You have GOT TO SNAP OUT OF THIS and STEP UP TO THE PLATE!"
Was it harsh? yes, Was it straight shooting from the hip? Absolutely. The minute she said that, I was like, WOW.... she is sooooo totally right!
I have found that anxiety/depression is VERY VERY selfish, we focus on ourselves A LOT. how we're feeling, whats wrong with us, why do I feel this way.... etc.
The whole time I was going through those days, the only thing I was focused on was myself. Calling my mom and crying, calling my dad and crying, calling my sisters...and well you get the point. Little did I know that during that whole time, my step father was very ill and my mom never said a word to me about it. and did I ask how anyone else was doing? Nope, cause I was all wrapped up in me. Its okay to take time for yourself, Im not saying we shouldnt focus on ourselves and take care of ourselves, I just mean its selfish while we're in an episode.
Anyway, I am rambling, but I took my friends advice, I did "step up to the plate", I got my attacking anxiety CD's out, decided to make a change and did so and am continuing to do so every single day.
I am sure your mom meant what she said in the most positive of ways, so try to see it that way.
Change your thoughts, change your life
Stay positive, I hope that you have a very wonderful, peaceful, calm day
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Guest
Unfortunately this is the risk we sometimes take in telling people about our anxiety. Everyone's reaction will be different and some people will say "snap out of it" and some people will say "oh I'm sorry to hear that." There are times that we simply can't just snap out of it, and people who have not been in this hole (and I don't mean just fleeting anxiety now and then- but a dark hole) don't and can't fully understand how it feels. I'm sure your mother meant no harm and really does want you to feel better. You have to remember that you just now sprung this on her after all these years, so maybe she needs time to digest it all.
We just have to remember that you can not know what this is like unless you go thru it. People who have not lived this life can not understand what we are going thru. Like Mary said there are two types of people the ones who say snap out of it and the ones who say I'm so sorry. My mom keeps telling me she knows how I feel. She says she has panic/anxiety also. Well maybe just a little but I know she is not very bad because when I talk to her she will say things like (I'm afraid of driving) well you have been driving all these years and you've been ok so can't you just tell yourself that and it help. Don't get me wrong my mom is my biggest help (my safe person) but even when she tries to help she sometimes says the wrong things. So your mom may not know what to say and that was all she could think of. Give her a second chance and remember she has no idea what you are going thru. Hope this helps. Remember you still have all of us here at the site.
If this was something you have never dicussed with your Mom I really think the response was not helpful. It is so difficult to open up. I did once with my Mom and I got the lecture. I just buried it deep for years and years. She had never suffered from depression( at least that is what was said) until the beginning the symptoms of Alzhiemers/
So it does seems more difficult when a parent just gives you an answer like you received. Maybe they just don't know how to deal with it or something.
So it does seems more difficult when a parent just gives you an answer like you received. Maybe they just don't know how to deal with it or something.
Life is too short to own an ugly boat. Step aboard for a wonderful journey!
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Guest
yeah,
i am no counselor, but give them the benefit of the doubt.
for a child to come to their parent with a physical ailment (like say, a cut on the knee from falling down), the solution is easily remedied. wash it, clean it, put a band-aid on it, and a kiss and we are back out there again.
but for something like depression or anxiety, i think generational beliefs are a problem as is the inability to truly fix the problem like the above-reference knee solution.
ya can't put a band-aid on depression! (hm, if i was to write a book, i think that would be the title)
but seriously, i think that man kind has not changed (read: evolved) at all since creation. we have always had to deal with stress, grief, anxiety, and depression. but how society interprets and identifies with those feelings (which we ALL feel, by the way), and what people believe are the connotations associated with those things are important in judging the reaction from the people in which we confide in.
i know we expect more. expecially from your mother who is a nurse. you would think that education would correct any biases or fears. but look at life, education does not always correct these things.
and you are her child. it hits close to home. perhaps she is scared to accept it and is in denial.
but also think about what it means to her. she can't necessarily help you with this. a kiss does not make it go away. perhaps here comment is her way of brushing it under the carpet because she does not know how to help you.
i am no counselor, but give them the benefit of the doubt.
for a child to come to their parent with a physical ailment (like say, a cut on the knee from falling down), the solution is easily remedied. wash it, clean it, put a band-aid on it, and a kiss and we are back out there again.
but for something like depression or anxiety, i think generational beliefs are a problem as is the inability to truly fix the problem like the above-reference knee solution.
ya can't put a band-aid on depression! (hm, if i was to write a book, i think that would be the title
)but seriously, i think that man kind has not changed (read: evolved) at all since creation. we have always had to deal with stress, grief, anxiety, and depression. but how society interprets and identifies with those feelings (which we ALL feel, by the way), and what people believe are the connotations associated with those things are important in judging the reaction from the people in which we confide in.
i know we expect more. expecially from your mother who is a nurse. you would think that education would correct any biases or fears. but look at life, education does not always correct these things.
and you are her child. it hits close to home. perhaps she is scared to accept it and is in denial.
but also think about what it means to her. she can't necessarily help you with this. a kiss does not make it go away. perhaps here comment is her way of brushing it under the carpet because she does not know how to help you.