I am on week 4 of the program and finding out things about myself that I didn't realize before. I feel good when I listen to the CDs and have a better understanding of what led up to my anxiety problems and axiety attacks but I still get anxious and have physical symptoms of nervousness when I'm around others for a period of time.
It feels like I should be less anxious around others by now but I'm not. Is there anyone who had to go through more of the program or the whole program before noticing any progress? It feels like I should be making more progress and now I will be going away with my husband to visit his family for the holiday and worried if I will have physical symptoms of my anxious feelings. Advice anyone?
Still Anxious
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Guest
Chai:
I've gone through a full 12 weeks of CBT and appreciate what you are saying. I learned a lot about why I developed this, physically what is happening, and how to identify my negative thoughts. Also, gained some coping tools. However, I stayed generally anxious after completing the program and recently developed panic again. So I noticed progress but never quite went back to being "me". A few reasons I believe for me that could apply to you:
1. you need to practice and practice and apply the tools again and again until it is second nature. I kind of stopped after CBT was over and they had never taken hold as true mental restructuring. I kind of thought CBT was a silver bullet but didn't do all the work.
2. If you haven't done #1 fully like me, it is really easy to fall into old habits or start brand new bad habits.
3. Exposure, exposure, exposure. I did it pretty well during CBT but as other things have popped up since, I'm less likely to expose but more likely to avoid. Doesn't help!!!
4. Despite understanding all I know about panic and anxiety, I really, really hate the feeling and dread it. Unless you can get to a point where you don't fear it and in fact are nonchalant about it, it will retain power over you.
I'm back dealing with #1 above which I think will help get me back on track. I'm working with someone on a concrete, solid plan to fully change my thinking with practice, practice, practice. I'm still trying to figure out #4 but at least have finally realized this as an issue.
Hope this helped!
I've gone through a full 12 weeks of CBT and appreciate what you are saying. I learned a lot about why I developed this, physically what is happening, and how to identify my negative thoughts. Also, gained some coping tools. However, I stayed generally anxious after completing the program and recently developed panic again. So I noticed progress but never quite went back to being "me". A few reasons I believe for me that could apply to you:
1. you need to practice and practice and apply the tools again and again until it is second nature. I kind of stopped after CBT was over and they had never taken hold as true mental restructuring. I kind of thought CBT was a silver bullet but didn't do all the work.
2. If you haven't done #1 fully like me, it is really easy to fall into old habits or start brand new bad habits.
3. Exposure, exposure, exposure. I did it pretty well during CBT but as other things have popped up since, I'm less likely to expose but more likely to avoid. Doesn't help!!!
4. Despite understanding all I know about panic and anxiety, I really, really hate the feeling and dread it. Unless you can get to a point where you don't fear it and in fact are nonchalant about it, it will retain power over you.
I'm back dealing with #1 above which I think will help get me back on track. I'm working with someone on a concrete, solid plan to fully change my thinking with practice, practice, practice. I'm still trying to figure out #4 but at least have finally realized this as an issue.
Hope this helped!
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Guest
If being anxiety free is your definition of healing you will be disappointed with your progress all the time.
The definition of healing is knowing how to handle anxiety but even more than that, it is knowing that you can handle it. When you get to that place, it doesn't matter if you have anxiety or not. Consequently when it no longer matters, you won't experience it very often and when you do it will be easily handled by you. Anxiety is a fact of life. Everyone has it from time to time.
Please do not be disappointed in your progress. You have stated that you are already better. I've been told that it takes our brain 8 times to hear something before it finally sinks in. Take the tapes with you on your trip. Listen to them as you can from time to time but another approach would be to write a BEST CASE SCENERIO. How do you want this trip to be? Write it out on paper and then read it everyday - once a day is fine - until you leave.
Also, journal that it is a possibility that you may have anxiety and that it's OK to experience it. You have your tools and it is a great opportunity to practice. You can excuse yourself if necessary to use your tools to calm yourself down. Ask your husband to not put too much pressure on you during this trip. Praise yourself for going at all. That in and of itself is a VICTORY. Make anxiety ok. You can handle it. When you make it oK to have, chances are you will not experience it. If you do, so what. You can be proud of yourself for being willing to feel it. (Which is exactly what you need to do to heal from it.)
The definition of healing is knowing how to handle anxiety but even more than that, it is knowing that you can handle it. When you get to that place, it doesn't matter if you have anxiety or not. Consequently when it no longer matters, you won't experience it very often and when you do it will be easily handled by you. Anxiety is a fact of life. Everyone has it from time to time.
Please do not be disappointed in your progress. You have stated that you are already better. I've been told that it takes our brain 8 times to hear something before it finally sinks in. Take the tapes with you on your trip. Listen to them as you can from time to time but another approach would be to write a BEST CASE SCENERIO. How do you want this trip to be? Write it out on paper and then read it everyday - once a day is fine - until you leave.
Also, journal that it is a possibility that you may have anxiety and that it's OK to experience it. You have your tools and it is a great opportunity to practice. You can excuse yourself if necessary to use your tools to calm yourself down. Ask your husband to not put too much pressure on you during this trip. Praise yourself for going at all. That in and of itself is a VICTORY. Make anxiety ok. You can handle it. When you make it oK to have, chances are you will not experience it. If you do, so what. You can be proud of yourself for being willing to feel it. (Which is exactly what you need to do to heal from it.)
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Guest
Boon:
That is good advice for Chai. In my life, my biggest issue after CBT has been a few things that you note:
1. it is okay to experience it
2. you can handle it
Despite all I've learned, putting in practice that it is okay and I can handle it have been not easy. I can't get to "where it no longer matters". Tips and advice???? My therapist keeps saying these things as well but I don't feel I can put them into practice. Which frustrates me more as this seems to be the key yet I can't use the key. I'd appreciate some of your thoughts as you seem quite on top of all this. Many thanks.
That is good advice for Chai. In my life, my biggest issue after CBT has been a few things that you note:
1. it is okay to experience it
2. you can handle it
Despite all I've learned, putting in practice that it is okay and I can handle it have been not easy. I can't get to "where it no longer matters". Tips and advice???? My therapist keeps saying these things as well but I don't feel I can put them into practice. Which frustrates me more as this seems to be the key yet I can't use the key. I'd appreciate some of your thoughts as you seem quite on top of all this. Many thanks.
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Guest
Irish,
Sometimes it takes a long time to get to that point where it no longer matters if you have anxiety or not. That's the point you are working toward. There is no time frame on this. I don't like anxiety and how it feels but I still do things because I know I can handle it. This has taken me many years to develop. Be very patient with yourself. I still work on myself all the time. I'm nowhere near where I was and I can see this clearly.
If you are still limited you may want to consider exposure therapy (when you are ready) where you put yourself in situations on purpose that you know will create anxiety for you.
I don't know that anxiety ever goes away completely. Sometimes I get caught off guard, altho, I am very clear it is something I said to myself or I interpreted something that I somehow felt like I needed to protect myself from. Either way it was all a lie. That scare voice is a clever guy - as you know. However, I bounce back quickly and am ready to take on whatever "it" wishes to dish out and jump in again. I know that the more I feel anxious on purpose the sooner I am going to heal. It's not fun. It was something I (we) were born with and we can learn to live with it without limitations. Be willing to feel anxiety a lot. Daily, if necessary. Always use your tools.
When you find yourself frustrated with the application of the tools, turn it around and commend yourself for how far you have come. Be grateful for the tools (even the meds if that is what helps at times) and keep moving forward. When you notice you are in action (using your tools and exercises outlined in the program and other wonderful workshops) you are in the right direction. You are not stagnating. You are making progress - no matter how small it is, it is progress and you will heal from this.
Sometimes it takes a long time to get to that point where it no longer matters if you have anxiety or not. That's the point you are working toward. There is no time frame on this. I don't like anxiety and how it feels but I still do things because I know I can handle it. This has taken me many years to develop. Be very patient with yourself. I still work on myself all the time. I'm nowhere near where I was and I can see this clearly.
If you are still limited you may want to consider exposure therapy (when you are ready) where you put yourself in situations on purpose that you know will create anxiety for you.
I don't know that anxiety ever goes away completely. Sometimes I get caught off guard, altho, I am very clear it is something I said to myself or I interpreted something that I somehow felt like I needed to protect myself from. Either way it was all a lie. That scare voice is a clever guy - as you know. However, I bounce back quickly and am ready to take on whatever "it" wishes to dish out and jump in again. I know that the more I feel anxious on purpose the sooner I am going to heal. It's not fun. It was something I (we) were born with and we can learn to live with it without limitations. Be willing to feel anxiety a lot. Daily, if necessary. Always use your tools.
When you find yourself frustrated with the application of the tools, turn it around and commend yourself for how far you have come. Be grateful for the tools (even the meds if that is what helps at times) and keep moving forward. When you notice you are in action (using your tools and exercises outlined in the program and other wonderful workshops) you are in the right direction. You are not stagnating. You are making progress - no matter how small it is, it is progress and you will heal from this.
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Guest
Thank you both for the advice because I can use as much as possible right now. I agree with you Irish89 it is difficult to put them into practice or when you do they don't always get the results that you need at the time. Its getting over the embarrassment I feel when I have the physical symptoms (shaking, heart racing, feeling hot, etc. ) when I have anxiety and it is all anxiety because all physical problems have been ruled out.
Repetition of these materials and practice does seem to be important its just staying hopeful when you don't feel like you are making progress.
I will definately take your advice about the trip Boon!
Repetition of these materials and practice does seem to be important its just staying hopeful when you don't feel like you are making progress.
I will definately take your advice about the trip Boon!
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Guest
Boon's advice is excellent!!...for anyone. I think the best part of that advice as it relates, Chai, to your trip; Decide before you go away how you want your holiday trip to be. You want to have a great time and you want to feel your best! Focus on that; make it a reality in your mind's eye.
This program is a like a front row seat in a lecture on the law of attraction. What you focus on the most will inevitably be what you experience. This program is teaching us to focus on a positive self image and a positive outlook on life and the world.
Don't pressure yourself into feeling as though you should be further along in your progress, because you're not. This is YOUR progress and you should be proud of how far you've come.
You're going to have a great time away with your husband! Stay positive and stay strong, you can do it!
Steph
P.S. I have found in my own experience of feeling anxious around other people that it helps to be open and honest about what I'm going through. If I start to feel "sick" while I'm with other people, I will choose one person to confide in about it. Usually when I vocalize it, make it a reality and get out of my own head so I don't feel as though I have to hide it from everyone, I begin to feel much better in the situation. And, I have found that the more I share about what I'm going through, the more I realize that it happens to a lot of other people. You are certainly not alone!
This program is a like a front row seat in a lecture on the law of attraction. What you focus on the most will inevitably be what you experience. This program is teaching us to focus on a positive self image and a positive outlook on life and the world.
Don't pressure yourself into feeling as though you should be further along in your progress, because you're not. This is YOUR progress and you should be proud of how far you've come.
You're going to have a great time away with your husband! Stay positive and stay strong, you can do it!
Steph
P.S. I have found in my own experience of feeling anxious around other people that it helps to be open and honest about what I'm going through. If I start to feel "sick" while I'm with other people, I will choose one person to confide in about it. Usually when I vocalize it, make it a reality and get out of my own head so I don't feel as though I have to hide it from everyone, I begin to feel much better in the situation. And, I have found that the more I share about what I'm going through, the more I realize that it happens to a lot of other people. You are certainly not alone!