I am listening to the radio at the min, and there is old school dance music on, It takes me back to a time when I used to go clubbing, there must of been about 7 or 8 of us that went out, but at the club we always went to everyone knew everyone else, everyone got along. I had loads of friends, and if anything I was probably the loudest one out of us all. I had no fear, and loved socialising.
Fast forward 6-7 years, Here I sit on a wet depressing Sat night in rural Ireland with no friends moaning on an internet forum I am just stunned as to how my life has changed, Ironically I came across an old school report the other day from 1994 infact, some of the teachers had wrote things like "XXXXX is very capable but needs to quiet down" "XXXXX has been in detention numerous times and needs to calm down" How can a person change so much?
When I got anxiety I got the works
Agoraphobia
Panic attacks
Generalised anxiety
Depression
Social anxiety
While I can't fault the program, It is a life saver, I just want my life back, I want to be the fun out going person I was, always up for fun and a laugh, I wouldn't say I am depressed but I would say life has no real meaning, I don't know who I am anymore.
Is it to much to ask to have my old life back?
-
Guest
Hello Celeron:
I just noticed something yesterday on another post of yours. Your spelling is excellent, Yo sentence structure is good. Your vocabulary is excellent.
It wasn't all fun and mischief and parties. You learned a great deal.
I don't know what happened to put you in a depression. I wish I had some kind of a solution for you. Maybe I'll think of something eventually.
I enjoy reading your posts as they are so well put together. I'm just sorry I don't have an inkling of how to help you.
It does occur to me to ask whether you had any kind of goal back then when you were having fun.
Any kind of purpose. I realize you are too depressed to have one now.
Now, If you could do just anything you want to right now; what would that be? What would you do if you could do whatever you want?
You are good at writing. Perhaps you could write something. There are vast subjects to write about. You could start with your life experiences. Or write a character portrayal of your father , or your mother. Write an essay about your neighborhood. (I'd like reading it).
You are actually very sharp.
Well, I hope you feel better soon.
Sorry I couldn't help.
MaryJane
I just noticed something yesterday on another post of yours. Your spelling is excellent, Yo sentence structure is good. Your vocabulary is excellent.
It wasn't all fun and mischief and parties. You learned a great deal.
I don't know what happened to put you in a depression. I wish I had some kind of a solution for you. Maybe I'll think of something eventually.
I enjoy reading your posts as they are so well put together. I'm just sorry I don't have an inkling of how to help you.
It does occur to me to ask whether you had any kind of goal back then when you were having fun.
Any kind of purpose. I realize you are too depressed to have one now.
Now, If you could do just anything you want to right now; what would that be? What would you do if you could do whatever you want?
You are good at writing. Perhaps you could write something. There are vast subjects to write about. You could start with your life experiences. Or write a character portrayal of your father , or your mother. Write an essay about your neighborhood. (I'd like reading it).
You are actually very sharp.
Well, I hope you feel better soon.
Sorry I couldn't help.
MaryJane
Originally posted by Cornflower:
Hello Celeron:
I just noticed something yesterday on another post of yours. Your spelling is excellent, Yo sentence structure is good. Your vocabulary is excellent.
It wasn't all fun and mischief and parties. You learned a great deal.
I don't know what happened to put you in a depression. I wish I had some kind of a solution for you. Maybe I'll think of something eventually.
I enjoy reading your posts as they are so well put together. I'm just sorry I don't have an inkling of how to help you.
It does occur to me to ask whether you had any kind of goal back then when you were having fun.
Any kind of purpose. I realize you are too depressed to have one now.
Now, If you could do just anything you want to right now; what would that be? What would you do if you could do whatever you want?
You are good at writing. Perhaps you could write something. There are vast subjects to write about. You could start with your life experiences. Or write a character portrayal of your father , or your mother. Write an essay about your neighborhood. (I'd like reading it).
You are actually very sharp.
Well, I hope you feel better soon.
Sorry I couldn't help.
MaryJane
Now, no one has ever said that before about my writing, considering I failed English at school I am quite shocked. As for writing I do enjoy it but its getting the peace and time to do it.
Back then as a teen I didn't give a $hit, I had no worries, I just lived for the weekend. I suppose this is what is called growing up, I've got married and had kids etc, I suppose I just want my youth back and mourn for it.
If I could do anything I want right now? Lets see, I quite fancy sitting at a funky ****tail bar, perhaps in the Balearic islands in Spain, surround by scantilly clad buxom blonde goddesses of which I can have my pick
Ahhhh. In reality I am sitting listening to the rain and gails beat of my window, It feels more like mid November than mid August.-
ThePaperPlate
- Posts: 6
- Joined: Fri May 09, 2008 3:22 pm
Celeron,
I can relate to how you feel. It's been about 7 years for me, I can almost picture the exact moment when it kicked in. I look at pictures of my family and I and see how happy I was and so want to be that person again. I know in my heart that I will never be that person again, I feel like I haven't changed, but I know I'm not the same. Does that make sense. I feel for you and I hope you start to feel better.
I can relate to how you feel. It's been about 7 years for me, I can almost picture the exact moment when it kicked in. I look at pictures of my family and I and see how happy I was and so want to be that person again. I know in my heart that I will never be that person again, I feel like I haven't changed, but I know I'm not the same. Does that make sense. I feel for you and I hope you start to feel better.
I know how you feel. I graduated from high school in 2000 and at the time I couldn't be happier to finally be done with school, well regular school because I went to college the following fall. Now though I am always thinking back to those days in high school. I was shy but going places and talking to people if they started talking to me first didn't bother me too much.
I was in the band and we would have to go to the football games every Friday night and we would go to competitions, band trips, and all other sorts of things. I would be nervous whenever we had to go out of town at first but once we got going I forgot all about the nervousness. Since I had to go out everyday for school and I was always around manny friends and people I didn't know the anxiety was kept under control.
After I graduated I went to college but I never had a close group of friends like I did in high school. I would still hang out with a few of my friends from high school though so I was still going out with them. Well those friends from high school who I was still hanging out with moved on. I still hang out with 2 of those friends but they are the only 2 friends I really have now because over the last few years the anxiety got out of control. I started having severe anxiety attacks but that was it. The last couple of years though is when everything has gotten out of control. I now have severe agorophobia, even more severe anxiety attacks, severe panic attacks, off and on depression, and insomnia.
I also have always had problems with my stomach getting upset whenever I had to go somewhere but using the bathroom before I left home would relieve that. Now though I have a constant upset stomach if I have to go somewhere along with nausea. I even get headaches and sometimes feel dizzy.
When I was in high school I thought that my shyness was bad but now I would love to feel like I did back then.
I was in the band and we would have to go to the football games every Friday night and we would go to competitions, band trips, and all other sorts of things. I would be nervous whenever we had to go out of town at first but once we got going I forgot all about the nervousness. Since I had to go out everyday for school and I was always around manny friends and people I didn't know the anxiety was kept under control.
After I graduated I went to college but I never had a close group of friends like I did in high school. I would still hang out with a few of my friends from high school though so I was still going out with them. Well those friends from high school who I was still hanging out with moved on. I still hang out with 2 of those friends but they are the only 2 friends I really have now because over the last few years the anxiety got out of control. I started having severe anxiety attacks but that was it. The last couple of years though is when everything has gotten out of control. I now have severe agorophobia, even more severe anxiety attacks, severe panic attacks, off and on depression, and insomnia.
I also have always had problems with my stomach getting upset whenever I had to go somewhere but using the bathroom before I left home would relieve that. Now though I have a constant upset stomach if I have to go somewhere along with nausea. I even get headaches and sometimes feel dizzy.
When I was in high school I thought that my shyness was bad but now I would love to feel like I did back then.