HELP!!! I am worried about my anger??
hey bro we all get angry at other's at times maybe we might want to kick somebody's ass but my friend you have crossed the line. there is a fine line between getting angry and child abuse you need to deal with this now!!anger management or talk to a professional but you need it now. I didn't read any other reply's did need to now let me tell you something your kid won't forget this. remember that if you need to punch something do it but not in front of your kid. you're in a dangerous place right now find help now not tomorrow do you realize the gravity of this situation? get help medication,crisis line something its your call. keep your wife and family celeron t rock
Celeron,
First of all, I am so proud of you for being so honest in this forum and looking for help. There are many great responses here to try to help you and certainly suggest anger management, which I think is definitely best at this time. I also know that when I was depressed, I was so much more irritable than I am now. I am not the greatest fan of medication, but I did go on some for a while until I could get my irritability under control.
You know what it's like to have anxiety and I'm certain you can't stand it. I'm happy it has calmed down much for you. I believe, because I'm the child of an alcoholic whose anger was NOT under control, is that sooooo much of my anxiety does come from my upbringing and the overreaction to the silliest things from my father.
I believe that your overreaction to your children will cause them great anxiety in years to come. You have the opportunity to stop this cycle by using the program and professional help. I think sharing with the children that dad makes mistakes too is so important. Apologizing and being clear about what happened, why it angered you, YET that you overreacted (as someone else suggested) would be very helpful!
May God bless you in your search for help in becoming a less angry and more loving, understanding father, husband, coworker, etc.
First of all, I am so proud of you for being so honest in this forum and looking for help. There are many great responses here to try to help you and certainly suggest anger management, which I think is definitely best at this time. I also know that when I was depressed, I was so much more irritable than I am now. I am not the greatest fan of medication, but I did go on some for a while until I could get my irritability under control.
You know what it's like to have anxiety and I'm certain you can't stand it. I'm happy it has calmed down much for you. I believe, because I'm the child of an alcoholic whose anger was NOT under control, is that sooooo much of my anxiety does come from my upbringing and the overreaction to the silliest things from my father.
I believe that your overreaction to your children will cause them great anxiety in years to come. You have the opportunity to stop this cycle by using the program and professional help. I think sharing with the children that dad makes mistakes too is so important. Apologizing and being clear about what happened, why it angered you, YET that you overreacted (as someone else suggested) would be very helpful!
May God bless you in your search for help in becoming a less angry and more loving, understanding father, husband, coworker, etc.
Celeron,
I too am proud of you for admitting what you have done and for looking for help. It is so easy for people to tell you to get help, the hard part is finding someone who truly can help you. You really have to, because I was once like you and now the guilt I live with every day of my life is at times almost unbearable. I looked for help from God, from counselors, parents anonymous, all were not one bit of help. I was a single mother with 2 boys, an ex-husband who didn't support or care about his kids. None of my family could help us.The stress was overwhelming. I was a screaming banshee most of the time, and hit them alot.I had a counselor tell me that If I told her that I hit my kids she would have them taken away. I look back with such shame. I also have an intense resentment of his (ex hub) family that did not help us at all, and obsess constantly about that. They have turned out to be fine men and the one who has kids is such a wonderful husband and father it always amazes me. Keep looking for help. I hope with all my heart that you find someone that can help.
I too am proud of you for admitting what you have done and for looking for help. It is so easy for people to tell you to get help, the hard part is finding someone who truly can help you. You really have to, because I was once like you and now the guilt I live with every day of my life is at times almost unbearable. I looked for help from God, from counselors, parents anonymous, all were not one bit of help. I was a single mother with 2 boys, an ex-husband who didn't support or care about his kids. None of my family could help us.The stress was overwhelming. I was a screaming banshee most of the time, and hit them alot.I had a counselor tell me that If I told her that I hit my kids she would have them taken away. I look back with such shame. I also have an intense resentment of his (ex hub) family that did not help us at all, and obsess constantly about that. They have turned out to be fine men and the one who has kids is such a wonderful husband and father it always amazes me. Keep looking for help. I hope with all my heart that you find someone that can help.
I agree with Denise... things are so much easier said than done... someone can tell you to get help but sometimes help is harder to find than you think... i can relate to your situation b/c i too have children... i have two boys... a 4 year old and a 1 year old and i am home with them 24/7... i have bipolar disorder so there are times when i go into these sporatic rampages of moodswings so at a moments glance something so petty can send my anger soaring through the roof and everyone who is around me gets it... i extremely bad when i take it out on my boys... i'll scream at the top of my lungs and curse at them and tell them to shut up and within about 1 to 5 minutes its all over... a couple of things that i have been doing that i feel might be able to help you in your situation are:
1. When you start getting angry, try to walk outside. For me fresh air usually helps... It gives me more room to breath.
2. Close your eyes as tight as you can and grit your teeth as hard as you can. It takes up so much of your energy that by the time you get tiered of doing it you'll have no energy left to take out on anyone else.
3. If you feel your kids are getting in your way at the moment don't be afraid to let your wife know that you just need a few minutes to yourself and excuse yourself from their environment.
A lot of times in cases where children appear to be the center of the problem it sometimes has to do with parenting... i'm not calling you a bad parent or saying that you have parenting issues all i'm saying is that you might need to try and create an environment with your children that may be less stressful... what has helped me a lot is that i have my children on a daily schedule where they eat between a certain time, nap between a certain time and go to bed at a certain time and i try to throw in some activities during the day to help keep them busy and less of the tugging on mommy's leg every 5 minutes... well i hope this is helpful and remember when your children are at those young ages they don't know better so you have to help and teach them better and you have a whole support team behind you who will be here to help!!! I know you will be able to overcome all of this and you will be able to do better and have a stronger relationship with your children... its not going to happen overnight so you're just going to have to take it one step at a time...
1. When you start getting angry, try to walk outside. For me fresh air usually helps... It gives me more room to breath.
2. Close your eyes as tight as you can and grit your teeth as hard as you can. It takes up so much of your energy that by the time you get tiered of doing it you'll have no energy left to take out on anyone else.
3. If you feel your kids are getting in your way at the moment don't be afraid to let your wife know that you just need a few minutes to yourself and excuse yourself from their environment.
A lot of times in cases where children appear to be the center of the problem it sometimes has to do with parenting... i'm not calling you a bad parent or saying that you have parenting issues all i'm saying is that you might need to try and create an environment with your children that may be less stressful... what has helped me a lot is that i have my children on a daily schedule where they eat between a certain time, nap between a certain time and go to bed at a certain time and i try to throw in some activities during the day to help keep them busy and less of the tugging on mommy's leg every 5 minutes... well i hope this is helpful and remember when your children are at those young ages they don't know better so you have to help and teach them better and you have a whole support team behind you who will be here to help!!! I know you will be able to overcome all of this and you will be able to do better and have a stronger relationship with your children... its not going to happen overnight so you're just going to have to take it one step at a time...
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Coach_Pete
- Posts: 5
- Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2008 7:41 pm
Celeron,
I have dealt with anger my whole life and I feel one must take complete ownership of the problem. At times, I try to blame my wife for the way I feel, but that is not fair to my wife. You can not use excuses for this type of behavior, please realize that you are in complete charge of this emotion.
I use to chalk up my anger to the way my father dealt with it. This was one of my biggest regrets in my life. My father had anger, but he also had a ton of stress. He was a father of nine children and was the sole "bread winner". I loved my dad, but blaming him for my anger was hurtful to me. I wish I knew what I know now. I no longer blame my anger on my father; I take full responsibility for my own thoughts.
I still struggle with this area and I know I can do better. Thank you for your post; I am going to include this in my daily goals. There is no reason to be perfect at work and anything less at home. Manage the anger and keep the faith. "Every day and in every way, I am getting better and better." Burt Goldman
Believe in yourself and be responsible.
Peter
I have dealt with anger my whole life and I feel one must take complete ownership of the problem. At times, I try to blame my wife for the way I feel, but that is not fair to my wife. You can not use excuses for this type of behavior, please realize that you are in complete charge of this emotion.
I use to chalk up my anger to the way my father dealt with it. This was one of my biggest regrets in my life. My father had anger, but he also had a ton of stress. He was a father of nine children and was the sole "bread winner". I loved my dad, but blaming him for my anger was hurtful to me. I wish I knew what I know now. I no longer blame my anger on my father; I take full responsibility for my own thoughts.
I still struggle with this area and I know I can do better. Thank you for your post; I am going to include this in my daily goals. There is no reason to be perfect at work and anything less at home. Manage the anger and keep the faith. "Every day and in every way, I am getting better and better." Burt Goldman
Believe in yourself and be responsible.
Peter