Fear of own thoughts and emotions?

Faith_TX · Post by **Faith_TX** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 6:18 am

I'm trying to figure something out. . . which for me can be dangerous. LOL

I'm reading a book called Freedom from Fear and it talks about a hierarchy of working through certain phobias. It sounds great.

However, I don't have a particular fear like elevators or airplanes. . .

My thing is that I will have some anxiety and my thoughts will race on and before I know it I am thinking that I'm "crazy" or some such thing, and that adds to it, etc etc.

I have been working on staying busy becaue I notice that if I'm always engaged in something I'm fine but if I get bored my mind starts to wander off.

I'm trying to figure out how to address this. I realize that for me I'm just as likely to have a PA in public as I am at home. . . so I don't really avoid stuff. But, sometimes I've noticed (like yesterday) that if the thoughts start to go. . . I get afraid of the anxiety itself and just want it to stop. But then I don't know how. I do sometimes try to hide it from hubby because I don't want to burden him or bore him with details and the same old story. If I can distract myself and get interested in something it helps. Sometimes being alone or being just with the kids is harder because my mind can wander more easily if I'm not engaged in conversation or an activity.

Can anyone relate? If so how have you handled this?

I almost wish I was more situationally phobic so I could just work on slowly overcoming specific fears. I'm just more afraid just living inside my own head. . . and I'm not sure how to fix that.

KDlady · Post by **KDlady** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 9:05 am

Man, O man, this is exactly my deal, too. My wonderful counselor has said to approach it the same as I would with a phobia of water or something. It's much more difficult, but still sounds logical. We are to "feel" the unease, disappointment or whatever the strong emotion is and know that it won't "get out of hand", which is probably your fear like it is mine.
The more times we know by feeling lousy it's not going to get out of hand, then the less afraid we become of it. The tricky part for me is how to float with it without bombarding myself with negatives about how much I hate that I do this, react like this, etc.
Any suggestions on that?
Distraction is good, but it's also good practice to just sit and be still. I try to do that in prayer some. It's been more recent, but it's sometimes needed to just make myself be still and be honest with God about them.

He has a purpose in this challenge for us. I believe that. I just worry I'm not doing a good enough job because it's still such an annoyance and fear. make sense?

Faith_TX · Post by **Faith_TX** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 9:55 am

Yes I can completely relate. Yesterday I was out in the heat and so maybe that was part of what caused the problem. My thoughts started racing from sounds of songs to thoughts of needing to clean to a hobby I just started, thinking that I needed to be careful not to get TOO INTO it. . .(a problem I sometimes have) to thinking about my butterfly garden and on and on. Then, suddenly the fear thought entered of "why are my thoughts racing? Am I bipolar?" "Is something wrong with me?" and it was freaking me out.

So, I got up and jumped in the pool with the kids and my husband and felt a little better; but I was pretty out of it for a few hours after that. I was tired but I didnt' want to sit still so I cleaned the house and by bedtime I was quite a bit better.

Today has been fine.

I haven't been taking as much time as I would like in the Word so I do need to work on that again. I also need to start journaling again. Sometimes that gets all the thoughts out so that I'm more clear headed.

Sometimes my 5 year old pushes my buttons and makes me snap and fuss at him. Then I get into a mood where I'm trying to do whatever he wants so he won't get upset and set me off. Because when I feel angry at him I feel so bad about it, like I'm a bad mother or something. However, my husband has pointed out that if I set better limits with him, then I don't get all worked up because he's not walking all over me. He minds me better when I tell him no once in awhile than when I'm catering to his every whim. He will take up all my constant attention if I let him. I've been working on sometimes telling him no and to play by himself for a bit (he's 5).

As for suggestions on how to float and not bombarding yourself with negatives. . .not sure; cuz that's my struggle. Maybe someone else will be able to help.

The "getting out of hand" is the fear; you're right.

I am getting better at not always assuming I'm 'crazy' like I used to (sometimes I still do) but now I will instead think "what if I go back to as bad as I was 6 months ago" because that was pretty bad. I hope I never feel like that again. I was having several panic attacks a day; not cool.

I have to watch myself and not let myself get discouraged because although I'm not where I want to be, I'm SOOO SOOO much better than I was.

I guess sometimes I get lazy and don't do all the work every day once I start doing better, then I act all surprised when I get a panic attack again "out of the blue" LOL

Holly J · Post by **Holly J** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 10:33 am

((FAITH))-hugs-
YOU SOUND JUST LIKE ME!!!! I am dealing with that problem right now. It comes and goes but even yesterday and the day before i was afraid of my racing thoughts and than i did the what if's and than kept think what if i am bi polar and that frightens me to death along with thinking i am going to go mentally crazy. That is a big phobia for me right now. AND the heat makes things WAY worse for me. Man reading both your posts made me think WOW i am not alone. Today I was thinking will this ever end or will i always live this way??!! My mind always seems to race after work while taking a shower. Guess it races when i try and relax. . My therapist keeps assuring me that i wont go crazy. . Its just anxiety. I have a panic disorder and have had anxiety my whole life. The past 5 months have been hell for me. the worst in my life. Faith PLEASE PM me if you want to talk more. . Because i feel like we share a lot in common.

Faith_TX · Post by **Faith_TX** » Wed Jul 30, 2008 1:24 pm

Holly I'd love to talk more. I've PM'd you!

LMM · Post by **LMM** » Mon Aug 04, 2008 5:28 am

Faith,
I read your original post. I have similiar issues, except mine is with racing thoughts about my health, mostly reacting TO my current PHYSICAL symptoms, which for me are head related for months. I am too better when i am distracted and truly engaged. I too am reading FREEDOM from FEAR by Dr. Leibgold, adn i am finding it helpful so far (just started). Appartly , we are to "allow" the scary thought and not attach an emotion to it, then it will go away eventually. has StressCenter program worked for you?

Faith_TX · Post by **Faith_TX** » Mon Aug 04, 2008 5:50 am

The StressCenter.com program helped me a lot, but didn't completely cure me, probably because I didn't give it my 110% at the time. There are a lot of parts of it that I refer back to and that do really help me understand myself.

I guess mine is just a stubborn case. . . I know I just need to decide that I'm OK and stop worrying about everything and that's 75% of the cure.

Nole · Post by **Nole** » Mon Aug 04, 2008 7:38 am

What you are explaining seems common of people that have GAD. We worry about everything. I too had racing thoughts, what if thoughts all the time a few months back, since starting Lexapro I dont have them amymore, I am one of the few meds work for. But I still struggle some days, jus tmuch more mild now. Find time to relax, meditate. I am reading the Power of Now and he says when you feel yourself thinking in your head take a step back and listen to yourself think, it will make you stop. This has worked so far with me. Remember your thoughts are just thoughts, dont let them scare you.

Nole · Post by **Nole** » Mon Aug 04, 2008 7:39 am

This is also a good mantra to remeber when you fond yourself worrying.

"Ever realize the things that you worry about the most never seem to happen? So stop worrying and just live your life."

Faith_TX · Post by **Faith_TX** » Mon Aug 04, 2008 8:08 am

Originally posted by Nole:
I am reading the Power of Now and he says when you feel yourself thinking in your head take a step back and listen to yourself think, it will make you stop. This has worked so far with me.

Can you explain this a bit more? I'm not following.