HELP!!! I am worried about my anger??

celeron · Post by **celeron** » Sat Aug 02, 2008 1:28 am

I am really worried about my anger, Is it normal to get anger with anxiety?

Heres an example, This morning, My 5 year old pushed over his little sister who is 1, she fell and dumped her head and cried sore, I shouted at him, he smiled at my with a smirk on his face, This gave me the green light, I went into a rage and went over and kicked him, he cried sore after than and I felt so so bad, Like what have I do? Then shortly after, I left a cuppa coffee sitting from this morning, The 1 year old went over and poured it over herself, This gave me the green light again, I went over and punched a light fitting in bad temper and slashed my hand. This left my wife in tears, she says either you sort your head out or I'm gone, and away she went.

I know I have a temper but oddly it is just triggered by kids, I never had a temper until I had children, Now I am in a temper from I come home from work at night until I go back to work the next day and at weekends its a nightmare. I look forward to getting of work but when I am off I am in a temper, the kids play up.

I'm an only child, I never had any little brothers etc, there was just me, My father was angry like myself so I stayed out of his way, infact I stayed in my room all day myself.

I just really don't know what to do, I can't handle children, add to that my wife has missed her period this month

FreeToBeGG · Post by **FreeToBeGG** » Sat Aug 02, 2008 1:47 am

Celeron,

It sounds like you are going through a lot right now. Have you thought about seeing a therapist or taking an anger management class? You might want to discuss your anger with a doctor and see what they think.

I do think it's normal for people whith anxiety to be irritable and angered easily. Anxiety already makes us feel on edge because we have a hard time controlling it. Throw in some other things that you can't control and you're fuse gets lit.

Anger is an iceberg emotion. What this means is that other emotions usually underlie the anger. The next time you are feeling angry, stop and ask yourself what you're really feeling angry about. Is it the kids (probably not) or something else? Then ask yourself what am I feeling under the anger? For me, anger usually covers up feelings of disappointment or fear. The other thing you can do is walk away. Go to another room and punch a pillow or something.

Good luck! And I am here for you!

Genie

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Aug 02, 2008 2:02 am

Celeron:
Hello there.
I know this makes you feel so bad.
I feel that you might ought to seek out some professional help and tell them about this problem. Share it.

The thing is that these actions toward your children will haunt you all the rest of your life. You won't be able to forget it. Not ever. So you really do need to get help now.
For yourself as well as for your children.

Good luck.
MJ

Angeleyes26 · Post by **Angeleyes26** » Sat Aug 02, 2008 2:38 am

I feel you. I have a 3 year old and a husband of 4 years. I too have angry outbursts, but not to the same extent. I mainly yell at my son. My hubby used to abuse me too, so that doesn't help. With him I yell at him, kick him out and sometime hit him on the arm or shove him. Usually anger has an underlying emotion such as an unmet need, frustrated at your anxiety, already feeling uppity because of the anxiety, pressure to do do do....those kinds of things. Attacking Anxiety and Phobia's workbook is wonderful and has a section on anger that is quite helpful. So does the relaxation and stress reduction workbook.

MaxCat · Post by **MaxCat** » Sat Aug 02, 2008 2:50 am

Please, please seek some professional help for your anger! Your children do not deserve that treatment, they are only little kids looking for guidance and testing life out. You are responsible for shaping them mentally and you need to get a good grip on some parenting and anger management skills. Please!

It sounds like they are seeking the negative attention from you because that may be the only attention you're giving them is negative? Try to PLAY with them and learn to not let small stuff bother you. Kids make lots of mistakes.

I wish you the best of luck, but it sounds like you could really use some professional help with this. Don't delay!

bevhembree · Post by **bevhembree** » Sat Aug 02, 2008 4:39 pm

Well, everybody has their weaknesses. I understand that after a long day the kids can get on your nerves. That's fine. It happens to us all.
I would maybe work on the old count to ten trick before reacting. Go outside until you calm down. Throw rocks. The pillow suggestion is a good idea. If you could exercise and release some of that energy, it'd be great. If not, try stretching those tense muscles.
I don't think you're a bad person. Probably don't have much patience like me. I've had two outbursts this week, I'm sorry to say, but at the ex and then the husband. Anger is a part of live, but we can control it. There are lots of websites and books out there with info. Go to google.com and search for anger management techniques. Being knowledge will help you stay in control. And always be adult enough to apologize to al if you do make a mistake. Tell them why you got made, what you did, and why you should apologize. It helps them work through it too if they are old enough to understand.
Just a few thoughts. The program works wonders too. Good luck- you can do it!

FrancesL · Post by **FrancesL** » Sat Aug 02, 2008 8:47 pm

Yikes. My fiance has the same problem...he has been under A LOT of stress for a long period of time. Perhaps you need to start simplifying your life.
You definitely need to focus on this program. It will help you sort out the things that are bothering you and help you to LEARN different ways of thinking in order to handle stressors. Your behavior is a learned behavior...and has been re-enforced over years from what it sounds like in your post. You are not just going to be able to change that with a snap of your fingers. You are going to have to commit to the program, and also, as I said try to simplify your life some. When something is bothering you, try to address it right away in all of your relationships so things don't build up. Basically, it sounds as though you are living life in a pressure cooker right now. Hang in there! My fiance isn't going through the program, but he did go see a doctor who put him on some meds. It has been a two weeks now and there is a complete difference in his attitude. (it started helping him within a couple of days) He doesn't lose his temper and throw things/scream/cuss. When something goes wrong, he handles it much better. (He has also been dealing with some depression which the meds have also helped with a greatdeal.)
Side note: You are not a bad father because you have a hard time dealing with your kids. You are just behaving in a manor that you learned growing up, and you can learn to change that!

celeron · Post by **celeron** » Sun Aug 03, 2008 2:24 am

Thanks all. I am just not in a great place right now, And I can honestly say this weekend has been one of the worst I've had, My depression is back in full force and anything that can go wrong has, IE got up this morning, I have an ingrowing toenail which is very painful, I walked into the corner of the door

My reaction at 7am?? I cursed and punched the door and that was a brilliant start to the day. I am going to go back to work tomorrow even more fed up than I left on Friday

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, I have a job I am totally pi$$ed of with but can't change and home life that makes me angry and depressed. On a brighter note, at least the anxiety has gone

Dodger · Post by **Dodger** » Sun Aug 03, 2008 2:45 am

OK Celeron......first off you need to chill out....lets look at this rationally....is all this distruction that your causing due to your overreacting attitude making things better? Do you feel better when you do these things? Kicking a small child is not right. What are you teaching that child when you are angry we hurt eachother....So you need to practice some holding back techniques. Your children are young and they will do things that are not right they will push eachother and they will spill things its how they learn independence but you reacting the way you do is teaching them very bad things. Children learn from what we show them. How can you be so angry for your older child pushing your younger child and not caring you do that all the time.

I highly suggest that you get yourself some anger management. I dont think any of these situations are because of your anxeity although after you have a situation where you anger takes over I can understand that you feel bad and sad for what youve done. There is a lesson on anger in the program maybe a good idea to listen to it even if your not there yet jump ahead and listen. I think in your situation you need to listen to that one right away.

I hope you get the help you need your growing the future generation of our world inyour kids show them how to be good people.

t rock · Post by **t rock** » Sun Aug 03, 2008 3:29 am

hey bro we all get angry at other's at times maybe we might want to kick somebody's ass but my friend you have crossed the line. there is a fine line between getting angry and child abuse you need to deal with this now!!anger management or talk to a professional but you need it now. I didn't read any other reply's did need to now let me tell you something your kid won't forget this. remember that if you need to punch something do it but not in front of your kid. you're in a dangerous place right now find help now not tomorrow do you realize the gravity of this situation? get help medication,crisis line something its your call. keep your wife and family celeron t rock