I then sat looking at porn comparing my wife to the stunners on these porn sites and that made me depressed. Its almost like I am just out to make myself depressed.Any advice appreciated?
Why Do I Like Making Myself Depressed?
I have been off work all week on holidays and am also off next week also, but all week I have done nothing but make myself depressed. Its like I have to much time on my hands or something. I have worried about everything from my weight to whether or not I married the right woman, I actually sat finding faults in my relationship and making myself depressed I then sat looking at porn comparing my wife to the stunners on these porn sites and that made me depressed. Its almost like I am just out to make myself depressed.
Any advice appreciated?
I then sat looking at porn comparing my wife to the stunners on these porn sites and that made me depressed. Its almost like I am just out to make myself depressed.Any advice appreciated?
Yeah it does sound like that. My advice...stay away from the porn. Get focused on the program. Listen to the CD's, do the work in the workbook. Instead of going to the computer for porn go and read something helpful from the forums. There's lots of good stuff from topics of every kind to comments on every lesson. When you're tempted for porn (and you probably will again) get out of the house and go for a walk or run. You are worth much more and so is your wife. Do nice things for your wife. Say positive things. Keep track of negative words or thoughts, write them down and next to it write the positive. Tell yourself you want to get better. Do those things and you will. Let us know how you're doing. You're not alone with your feelings so don't condemn yourself. God has a plan for your life as He does each of us, it's not wallowing in depression or anxiety.
Barb G. Great reply! I believe you're absolutely right in saying God has a plan for our lives, which doesn't include wallowing in depression and/or anxiety! Your advise of saying/doing nice things for spouse is SO true too! I think we sometimes tend to forget (or get too lazy) to do random acts of kindness for each other (helps keep the spark alive)...not only are the acts nice for the recipient but the giver feels good too! Thanks for the positive words of encouragement!
I know you are right, Its a case of never being happy with what i've got. There was a time when I really wanted her and when I got her the excitment wore off, Same with work, I really wanted my job but once I got it the novelty wore of and I'm bored. I am never contentOriginally posted by pecos:
You aren't married to a porn star, you are married to a real woman. I agree one hundred percent with every one who replied here. I have a second cousin who had some really bad things happen in her childhood. Her brother killed himself. Her mother lost touch with reality and has been on and off the streets ever since. Life is hard. But my cousin's solution to all this suffering was to choose a career which would guarantee a life of self degradation. She is a stripper in a big city back east. She has no opinion of herself, and she has a job which will boot her out when she begins to show the signs of age, which for her will be soon. My suggestion to you is work this program and figure out why you prefer fantasy to real people. I am only on Session Five, but I bet there is a session in here somewhere that you might want to spend extra time on. You are wrecking your own life. I am a woman, and I cannot imagine how your wife would feel if she knew what you were doing, but your behavior might end your marriage.
Hey Celeron, great post and way to be honest! That will help you understand yourself, and help get to the bottom of things. I can absolutely relate to all of your depressive angles. I've struggled with a spinal birth defect for years, it's kept me in chronic pain from about to my current age of 37, and I always see the lousy side of everything. (Except the porn, I believe it has it's place!! 
I've made some slow progress with my depression (way more depressive than anxious), but the answer is hard work. Being depressed and doing the same depressing things, gets you those same results. You have to literally break the mold of how you think, and how you've done things (as I have), and change your thinking to such an extent, it's hard to believe and put into action. Right now in your current depressive state, your mind is swarming with an unbalanced amount of chemicals, that lean towards negative feelings. How do you change that? Well there's meds that may (or may not) neutralize, but it is changing your lifestyle and the way you think that's key and will last you the rest of your life.
If you give the program a chance, you'll learn everything you need. And as some of the other folks have posted, there are some key tools. Negative thinking? This is just a bad habit like eating junk food, smoking and the whole lot out there. You really have to switch you're thinking around from e.g. 'Why me?', 'This always happens to me', 'My life sucks', 'Everything in my life sucks', etc, to 'Oh well, no big deal', 'That's life! LOL!'.
Now for a seasoned depressive like myself, I'm having a hard time with this, but have given it a shot and it's working out. Imagine if you had a day where nothing sucked? Well you know what the reality is? You can, you just have to choose it...it's so enlightening if you can at least entertain that possibility.
But believe me, the routine back pain, the job, the wife, the kids, the dogs, the traffic and so on are there to challenge you. And on my real bad days, I love a good depressive cycle. I mean completely trashing myself, making myself out to be the worst person on the planet who doesn't deserve love and maybe I'll do better in the next life, yada yada, and crying for hours and maybe then getting to sleep....What a freaking waste of my time!!!!...about nothing that's true!!!
We all have our challenges in life, everybody gets them. Some more, some less, but we all have a choice on how to respond. Good luck and hang in there! I'll try and do the same.
I've made some slow progress with my depression (way more depressive than anxious), but the answer is hard work. Being depressed and doing the same depressing things, gets you those same results. You have to literally break the mold of how you think, and how you've done things (as I have), and change your thinking to such an extent, it's hard to believe and put into action. Right now in your current depressive state, your mind is swarming with an unbalanced amount of chemicals, that lean towards negative feelings. How do you change that? Well there's meds that may (or may not) neutralize, but it is changing your lifestyle and the way you think that's key and will last you the rest of your life.
If you give the program a chance, you'll learn everything you need. And as some of the other folks have posted, there are some key tools. Negative thinking? This is just a bad habit like eating junk food, smoking and the whole lot out there. You really have to switch you're thinking around from e.g. 'Why me?', 'This always happens to me', 'My life sucks', 'Everything in my life sucks', etc, to 'Oh well, no big deal', 'That's life! LOL!'.
Now for a seasoned depressive like myself, I'm having a hard time with this, but have given it a shot and it's working out. Imagine if you had a day where nothing sucked? Well you know what the reality is? You can, you just have to choose it...it's so enlightening if you can at least entertain that possibility.
But believe me, the routine back pain, the job, the wife, the kids, the dogs, the traffic and so on are there to challenge you. And on my real bad days, I love a good depressive cycle. I mean completely trashing myself, making myself out to be the worst person on the planet who doesn't deserve love and maybe I'll do better in the next life, yada yada, and crying for hours and maybe then getting to sleep....What a freaking waste of my time!!!!...about nothing that's true!!!
We all have our challenges in life, everybody gets them. Some more, some less, but we all have a choice on how to respond. Good luck and hang in there! I'll try and do the same.
Well, ladies. You amaze me and encourage me with your compassion and understanding. You have all given some great replies. I always expect women to be outraged by the porn issue. It is a cancer in our world as never before and I am sure that you are outraged so I applaud your control and compassion.
I read where pornography can be related to issues with intimacy. It is truly an addiction in the truest sense. It pulls you in and you just get lost in it, never satisfied. Men are conquest oriented. We tend to want what we cannot have and then get bored with what we have. Honestly, this may be why I never got married and don't enjoy many jobs I have had. It's also about expectations.
Wow. I did not mean to preach or to open up so much, but life is short and it's about time I learn to "grow up".
I hopes this helps.
I read where pornography can be related to issues with intimacy. It is truly an addiction in the truest sense. It pulls you in and you just get lost in it, never satisfied. Men are conquest oriented. We tend to want what we cannot have and then get bored with what we have. Honestly, this may be why I never got married and don't enjoy many jobs I have had. It's also about expectations.
Wow. I did not mean to preach or to open up so much, but life is short and it's about time I learn to "grow up".
I hopes this helps.
One more thing regarding your post: "...but all week I have done nothing but make myself depressed. Its like I have to much time on my hands or something......Its almost like I am just out to make myself depressed." This last line you hit it on the head, and you're exactly right. Next time, next weekend, whenever, make a to do list (something resonable), from cleaning part of the garage, making dinner, going out with the wife to see either a really good or really bad movie, and do those things instead of the dwelling.
Lenore's out there and has some great posts, and she always quote Oprah Winfrey (I know man, not my gig either but just listen for a sec), and she says 'Motivation comes with doing'. And it does...get off the couch, start small, a small walk and make your goal to build on that...and change the negative thoughts, and the expectations and so on, and you'll get there.
Lenore's out there and has some great posts, and she always quote Oprah Winfrey (I know man, not my gig either but just listen for a sec), and she says 'Motivation comes with doing'. And it does...get off the couch, start small, a small walk and make your goal to build on that...and change the negative thoughts, and the expectations and so on, and you'll get there.
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HeatherRDJ
- Posts: 26
- Joined: Tue Mar 18, 2008 9:03 pm
I'm sure if you ask you wife she has a "honey do" list to keep you occupied for months. Most of us do. Even if she doesn't houses always need work, wash walls or the siding, clean gutters, etc. It's neverending.
Even porn stars don't look that good in real life. For one do you really want someone who is half plastic? And those pictures are so touched up. I used to work with a former stripper and it's amazing what they do while at work to keep up "appearances".
Even porn stars don't look that good in real life. For one do you really want someone who is half plastic? And those pictures are so touched up. I used to work with a former stripper and it's amazing what they do while at work to keep up "appearances".