, often leads to mild depression and wanting to cry. I remember Lucinda talking about how people with anxiety and depression.Anyone have any links, info, etc on dealing with sensitivity and/or disappointment? Thanks.
Disappointment and Sensitivity--Got Info?
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Charlie Brown
- Posts: 442
- Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2006 2:56 pm
I sure could you use help with dealing with sensitivity and disappointment. Sometimes these emotions are connected, sometimes they are separate issues. Disappointment, like today where yesterday’s great job interview with a company recruiter went into the toilet thanks to the manager the recruiter was sending me to , often leads to mild depression and wanting to cry. I remember Lucinda talking about how people with anxiety and depression.
Anyone have any links, info, etc on dealing with sensitivity and/or disappointment? Thanks.
, often leads to mild depression and wanting to cry. I remember Lucinda talking about how people with anxiety and depression.Anyone have any links, info, etc on dealing with sensitivity and/or disappointment? Thanks.
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Guest
Well I just found out that I lost my scholarship at the college. Not that I lost it, I was "advised" it would be in my "best interest" to decline the scholarship. Long story short, I refused to do something, but that something was a club assignment and I did not belong to the club. It was not that I refused, but that is what the instructor claimed. I actually was working on other projects for 2 other instructors, one of them being my scholarship contact. The instructor wanted this project for her club done as she did not have any club members to do it. She actually kept nagging me as well as other students to be members of the club for weeks, but that particular day she approached my twice. I told her I have NO time for a club with 4 classes, scholarship projects, have a home to run, cook, clean, run errands, Nana to take care of, etc that I honestly would not have time to do all the work the club entails. I told her I was working on a project for the Dept Coordinator. (I am not going to prioritize my scholarship contacts work, drop his stuff to do her stuff and have him get mad at me. HE is the Department Coordinator (DC), Professor I, she is an instructor) She seemed to be displeased and said she would talk to him about it. What was I to say to her? I am just a student;let the professor and her hash it out. Several weeks before I was put in a situation like that with another instructor and him and it got real uncomfortable.
Well she said I refused to do the work and I refused to be a club member. Well no where does it state on any scholarship application or award letter I have to be a club member to received the scholarship. Secondly she said that she made it known to me that working on her project and being a club member WAS INDEED part of the scholarship. neither did my DC or anyone else for that matter. I WAS SHOCKED! She
never said anything to that effect! If anything, she handled herself in a pretty unprofessional manner which took me by surprise. I felt cornered and threatened by her. I told him this all this. Now WHOM would he believe? Of course her because most her students "adore" her and she just received Teacher of the Year. 
Then he tells me "I am not choosing sides. 
I am now confused!
Anyhow, that instructor black balled me
.I was advised that it would be in my "best interest" to decline the scholarship or have my college record "marred" because they would have "terminated" my scholarship because according to him I "refused to be a club member as well as work on her project for the club." Well this all was last fall and NOW he is telling me? I met with him on many occasions after that faisco with her and throughout this past semester and he NEVER said anything. He could have terminated me after last fall semester, but I still received the scholarship this spring.
To be honest with you, I was VERY disappointed that she flat out lied. But I guess she did not get what she wanted and there are repercussions; this is the way I get paid back. That is OK. I was upset about it last night because I had respect for her, which now has diminished to a nano hair! Now I see that my declining the scholarship was the BEST thing though! I know that I do not have to have 3 people piling projects on my as if I am a full time campus employee. (mind you this is a scholarship, NOT a work study. But yes the department says it IS a work study...wondering if the people that financially back and award the scholarship know about this? I highly doubt it 
.) Now I can leave when my classes are done for the day, I will not get pulled in different directions. Plus the scholarship office said I needed to "work" 10 hours per semester in the department. The people in the department say it is 6-10 hours per week. There are so many other conflicting things like that because they have their own interpretation of what the scholarship should be. I never got a straight answer on anything. Last week the scholarship office did tell me that she wanted to see me keep my scholarship, that she was going to forward my concerns to her supervisor and that it was pretty much out of her hands. Well her supervisor never called. But the other woman advised me off the record that if I had "problems" to go to the college president. Yeah do that and watch me and my grades suffer for the next year? NO WAY.
Last year I asked my Department Coordinator (DC) a question about the hours I needed to work and weeks went by, no answer. I asked again and he did not have any answers, so I emailed the scholarship office asking them about the hours needed to work; that is how I got the 10 hours, from her. Now my DC said the dean wants 10 hours per week, another instructor told me 6 hours per week and he said no one keeps track of it. NOW WHICH IS IT? I tell you NO ONE ever have the same answer! Forget it! But the dean found out I emailed the scholarship office and my DC told me she had a kinipshion fit about the email to the scholarship office and told me to "NEVER do THAT again!" What was so wrong? He was not getting answers and my award paperwork said to contact the scholarship office with any questions. I did and the dean was all bent? WHY? Because what the department does and what the scholarship office say are two different things. I do not feel like being taken advantage of. It is a real shame that other students (young kids) will be taken advantage of. They will never ask and they never will challenge.
But now I do not care. I see that this whole thing was more of a disappointment than anything. I learned from it as well. It is done, over and I have a life to live.
Well she said I refused to do the work and I refused to be a club member. Well no where does it state on any scholarship application or award letter I have to be a club member to received the scholarship. Secondly she said that she made it known to me that working on her project and being a club member WAS INDEED part of the scholarship. neither did my DC or anyone else for that matter. I WAS SHOCKED! She
never said anything to that effect! If anything, she handled herself in a pretty unprofessional manner which took me by surprise. I felt cornered and threatened by her. I told him this all this. Now WHOM would he believe? Of course her because most her students "adore" her and she just received Teacher of the Year. Then he tells me "I am not choosing sides. I am now confused! Anyhow, that instructor black balled me
.I was advised that it would be in my "best interest" to decline the scholarship or have my college record "marred" because they would have "terminated" my scholarship because according to him I "refused to be a club member as well as work on her project for the club." Well this all was last fall and NOW he is telling me? I met with him on many occasions after that faisco with her and throughout this past semester and he NEVER said anything. He could have terminated me after last fall semester, but I still received the scholarship this spring.To be honest with you, I was VERY disappointed that she flat out lied. But I guess she did not get what she wanted and there are repercussions; this is the way I get paid back. That is OK. I was upset about it last night because I had respect for her, which now has diminished to a nano hair! Now I see that my declining the scholarship was the BEST thing though! I know that I do not have to have 3 people piling projects on my as if I am a full time campus employee. (mind you this is a scholarship, NOT a work study. But yes the department says it IS a work study...wondering if the people that financially back and award the scholarship know about this?
I highly doubt it .) Now I can leave when my classes are done for the day, I will not get pulled in different directions. Plus the scholarship office said I needed to "work" 10 hours per semester in the department. The people in the department say it is 6-10 hours per week. There are so many other conflicting things like that because they have their own interpretation of what the scholarship should be. I never got a straight answer on anything. Last week the scholarship office did tell me that she wanted to see me keep my scholarship, that she was going to forward my concerns to her supervisor and that it was pretty much out of her hands. Well her supervisor never called. But the other woman advised me off the record that if I had "problems" to go to the college president. Yeah do that and watch me and my grades suffer for the next year? NO WAY. Last year I asked my Department Coordinator (DC) a question about the hours I needed to work and weeks went by, no answer. I asked again and he did not have any answers, so I emailed the scholarship office asking them about the hours needed to work; that is how I got the 10 hours, from her. Now my DC said the dean wants 10 hours per week, another instructor told me 6 hours per week and he said no one keeps track of it. NOW WHICH IS IT? I tell you NO ONE ever have the same answer! Forget it! But the dean found out I emailed the scholarship office and my DC told me she had a kinipshion fit about the email to the scholarship office and told me to "NEVER do THAT again!" What was so wrong? He was not getting answers and my award paperwork said to contact the scholarship office with any questions. I did and the dean was all bent? WHY?
Because what the department does and what the scholarship office say are two different things. I do not feel like being taken advantage of. It is a real shame that other students (young kids) will be taken advantage of. They will never ask and they never will challenge. But now I do not care. I see that this whole thing was more of a disappointment than anything. I learned from it as well. It is done, over and I have a life to live.
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Guest
Wow, Liz, what a story!! I'm so sorry you had to go thru all that. What a mess~so did you learn from it? What about you Charlie Brown, did you learn anything? I once heard a saying, "If you don't expect, you won't be disappointed." Yea, there goes our lesson from StressCenter.com on those expectations. They definitely get us into trouble at times. The wise thing you said Liz is "It's done, over, and I have a life to live." So true, we can only dwell on things so long and then we need to get over it, learn from it, and move on. Hope that helps you some Charlie Brown.
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Guest
Barb,
What was stated on the Board of Trustee scholarship application is vague according to what actually was excepted by the department professors which is something that mirrors a work study program. This was NOT a scholarship in defined terms of the professors, which is misleading because it is called a SCHOLARSHIP right on the application! A scholarship is something that does to need to be paid back. Well in the eyes of the instructors, they require your time there (6-10) hours per week, which amounts to less than minimum wage. ($3.13 to $5.32 per hours) In reality, what the professors EXPECT is the student to work off the scholarship. This is NO scholarship! One can get a part time job, earn enough to pay for it within 8 weeks and have another 8 weeks of pocket money as the semester is 16 weeks. But I do not have that time. I was told by the scholarship office that it would be 10 hours per semester, which is doable. But really, which is it? The 6-10 hours per week or 10 hours per semester? Basically because I asked questions the professor and dean did not want me to have the scholarship because I was not conforming to what they expected. They expect students to clean, organize and that is about it. Well I expected to follow what the scholarship office has as guidelines from the Board of Trustees because they (BOT) are the entity that provides the scholarship opportunity and the funding, but the department has a very different idea of what they require out of students and those expectations vary from person to person within the department itself as well. Like the amount of hours, what type of work. You see it is a leadership scholarship, but what I was doing was cleaning with chemical cleaners which I cannot use and got sick from as well as hanging artwork in display cases which differs MUCH from the scholarship application that stated Leadership activities may include (but are not limited to): assisting the department with student recruitment and retention functions, participating in the department advisory committee, representing the department at various college and community events, and completing a special project for the department". I guess that is where the "but not limited to" comes in. Nope! According to the scholarship office she asked me WHY I was cleaning in the first place because custodians do that! Hmmm? Good question! Also my award paperwork states I have a main contact that was supposed to "assist me in making sure I was in compliance EACH SEMESTER in regards to department maintenance requirements". Well he failed to tell me I needed to be a club member and also work on club projects because this club thing happened last fall and NOW he tells me? It does not state anywhere on the BOT application that I needed to be a club member and NONE of the professors ever said anything to me, even though she claims she did. What she actually said after I told her I was working on the DC's project was "I will talk to *** and the scholarship people will do it anyway." THAT is what she said. She also was in such a pissed state and came off as threatening. Body language, facial expressions and vocal tone really gave her mood away. Still unsure how that statement constitutes telling me that it WAS a scholarship requirement though . Then again I may not understand the English language as well as a professor :p! I know as a student I would not be believed. My DC said that she must have been "fatigued" and had an "unintentional tone". I just WISH there would have be someone in the room with me, or that I hit my cell phone record button, but I never expected her to be in rare form like that. It was almost like Linda Blair ! I was shocked and what was I really going to say to her? Let her talk to the DC who is also my CONTACT and let him decide to shift my gears. A few weeks before that another professor told me to do something one way but I told her I talked to the DC and he said that it is supposed to be done THIS was per the dean. She told me no no no that she too got the email form the dean and had her mind set it was going to be done THIS way. This went on for 2 days and I finally got to talk to my DC about it. He said NO this is wrong and that he would talk to her. Well needless to say I was in the middle and I felt tension between the two. I also had them both as professors in class, so there was this weird aire in her class. I also was concerned for my grade in her class. Thankfully she is not a vindictive person and all went well.
I learned that when one party is giving you something (the Board of Trustees with the scholarship) and a different party is in charge of it (the professors), I BETTER ASK EVERYONE the same questions and get clarification before I accept anything and not just happily accept at face value. Not all things need to be this way but when it involves more than one party, I better get clarification. Also I have found that the 3 people in the department do not communicate all that well, which left me feeling like I was being tugged in 3 varied directions to fulfill their individual expectations and agendas. Why I am allowing myself to be put through this? For $1400 per semester! Was $1400 REALLY worth the stress? NOPE!I can't change them, nor could I continue putting that many hours in or cleaning with chemical cleaners. Is it worth the DC having to terminate my scholarship and having that "mar" my record? NOPE! I see that I asked the scholarship office too many questions and brought attention to the department(who never provided me with straight answers), which is NOT what they want. They do not want to be questioned or have the scholarship office contact the dean and question her. The department just wants students to conform to what the "old way" of what the scholarship was. That is what my DC told me last month, that the scholarship was going to be the "old way" which is the way that other professor with the club project was operating. Well I never knew what that was because I got the scholarship last fall when he was DC and not under the tenure of the professor that wanted me to work on the club project. No one ever told me what the "old way" was! And I am just supposed to know this? There is TOO much miscommunication, misinformation, mixed information and people wanting things done their way. They just want someone to shut up, don't ask questions and do the work. Well sorry I am an adult student and was looking forward to do the projects stated on the application and not do loaner activities all the time. I wanted to learn something, participate in group activities just as the scholarship application stated. I also knew that I had 10 hours per semester that I could give up. What I did not plan on was working an average of 8+ hour per week, but one instructor was quick to open her closet of projects and they started to tumble out. When I finished one thing, it was do this now. Well there are 2 other people in the department too that want my help. I felt as if I was her daily personal assistant and NOT a scholarship recipient. Also no one communicated to the other that I was working with them, so I got a cup that overflowed with stuff. I do not need to feel that way though. I know I do not have to be in that situation. I can control this by simply removing myself from it. Sometimes that is what it takes to stop the insanity.
I was advised it would be in my best interest to email the scholarship office and decline the scholarship. He was nice enough to even provide the email address to do so. Sometimes we cannot cut our noses off to spite our faces. I declined the scholarship to save my record. I declined it to save my sanity. Those two things are worth MORE than the financial gain. 
And what about principle and differing information? Right now my grades and my getting my degree are important. I am learning that I have to pick my battles and now is not the time to kick up dust.
What the issue is is that the professor was untruthful and that my DC never informed me of my error until now, almost a 10 months later. No guidance, no warning. I was basically advised to walk away from the scholarship or have my record tarnished because he would have to terminate my scholarship. It is a no win situation for me. That is one way to get someone just shut up and walk away. I see that I did not drop to her expectations and now I have repercussions. She was NOT my contact though. I too was disappointed with this at first, and sure I cried because I am sensitive and never expected her to do this, a person I respected. Notice, past tense, RESPECTED. I also never thought my DC would do this either, but they all work together. I am just a student. I also see that they are just instructors. I have to lower my expectations that they will do me any favors regardless of what I may have done for them. I was expected to do a job for them in exchange for the scholarship and that was all I was, someone to do the job regardless of them not making their expectations clear or even known. I am NOT a mind reader and I am not going to get myself worked up because I did not have the foresight to SEE that I needed to be a club member and needed to drop his project to do hers. He was my contact, NOT her. I follow the chain of command according to my scholarship paperwork, but apparently I was supposed to operate on the just take on whatever project was tossed at me regardless of what I currently was working on (lack of communication between instructors.) or that I was not even a club member so why would I work on a club project when my DC gave me department projects? I told her I had no time for the club. What I saw her doing is that by making me do the project she was forcing me to be a club member which I did not have time for. My DC was my contact and from my understanding he was the one that would assign my projects. I guess I was supposed to know this was NOT true. This entire scholarship requires to assume much and just go by what was said and given to me at any moment by anyone even if it was not stated to the scholarship or differed from person to person, department to department. Someone forgot to issue me a crystal ball, mind reading abilities, extra hands and more time in the day to do it all. You see this ALL is NOT worth the aggravation of trying to be everything to everyone. I can't do it. One guy that got the scholarship would film monthly poetry student doing prose and make a dvd out of it. He never got pulled in 3 different directions. Why me? I am not sure and at this point it really does not matter.
Were other scholarship recipients club members and were they working on the club project? As far as I saw, NO.
With school starting in about a month, what will I do? At first I actually thought about attending a different college. But why? I will go to classes just like always. Will this bother me? Believe it or not, with only a couples days since this transpired, it is not festering as it was when I first received his email. Yes I am disappointed because the trust I had in them is gone (at least for now) and that the dynamics of the relationship will change. But as them needing to get their agenda done in the department, I also have my agenda and that is to get my degree. That is what I am going there for and need to keep my focus on that.
Thank though Barb
. I will be fine . The program has taught me that I need to have things just roll off like water on a ducks back. I cannot carry all that BS on me because I cannot change what is. What I find peace in that this is over, I owe no one nothing, my servitude for the scholarship is done. I still am me, I have integrity, I am honest and dependable regardless of what that instructor said to my DC. I am going a stretch here but I can only assume this was her payback. That is fine. That confrontation with her PROVED at least I know I can deal with a stressful situation and keep my composure. Proves to me the program works and I do have the skills and can implement them. I am not going to be afraid. Just like Lucinda on one of the lessons with that angry woman on the phone Lucinda had to put on hold because Lucinda got all flustered with that woman and let Dr. Fisher speak to her. Like Dr. Fisher I was not going to get flustered by her comments nor was I going to conduct myself in the same manner she was. I stated I did not have time to be in a club and that I was working on the DC's projects. That was that. No excuses, no nothing, just the truth. She did not like that and I can't change her thinking. It is what it is. So I lost the scholarship . It was NOT worth the price they expected. I still have my integrity as well as sanity. THAT is the prize here!
What was stated on the Board of Trustee scholarship application is vague according to what actually was excepted by the department professors which is something that mirrors a work study program. This was NOT a scholarship in defined terms of the professors, which is misleading because it is called a SCHOLARSHIP right on the application! A scholarship is something that does to need to be paid back. Well in the eyes of the instructors, they require your time there (6-10) hours per week, which amounts to less than minimum wage. ($3.13 to $5.32 per hours) In reality, what the professors EXPECT is the student to work off the scholarship. This is NO scholarship! One can get a part time job, earn enough to pay for it within 8 weeks and have another 8 weeks of pocket money as the semester is 16 weeks. But I do not have that time. I was told by the scholarship office that it would be 10 hours per semester, which is doable. But really, which is it? The 6-10 hours per week or 10 hours per semester
? Basically because I asked questions the professor and dean did not want me to have the scholarship because I was not conforming to what they expected. They expect students to clean, organize and that is about it. Well I expected to follow what the scholarship office has as guidelines from the Board of Trustees because they (BOT) are the entity that provides the scholarship opportunity and the funding, but the department has a very different idea of what they require out of students and those expectations vary from person to person within the department itself as well. Like the amount of hours, what type of work. You see it is a leadership scholarship, but what I was doing was cleaning with chemical cleaners which I cannot use and got sick from as well as hanging artwork in display cases which differs MUCH from the scholarship application that stated Leadership activities may include (but are not limited to): assisting the department with student recruitment and retention functions, participating in the department advisory committee, representing the department at various college and community events, and completing a special project for the department". I guess that is where the "but not limited to" comes in. Nope! According to the scholarship office she asked me WHY I was cleaning in the first place because custodians do that! Hmmm? Good question! Also my award paperwork states I have a main contact that was supposed to "assist me in making sure I was in compliance EACH SEMESTER in regards to department maintenance requirements". Well he failed to tell me I needed to be a club member and also work on club projects because this club thing happened last fall and NOW he tells me? It does not state anywhere on the BOT application that I needed to be a club member and NONE of the professors ever said anything to me, even though she claims she did. What she actually said after I told her I was working on the DC's project was "I will talk to *** and the scholarship people will do it anyway." THAT is what she said. She also was in such a pissed state and came off as threatening. Body language, facial expressions and vocal tone really gave her mood away. Still unsure how that statement constitutes telling me that it WAS a scholarship requirement though . Then again I may not understand the English language as well as a professor :p! I know as a student I would not be believed. My DC said that she must have been "fatigued" and had an "unintentional tone". I just WISH there would have be someone in the room with me, or that I hit my cell phone record button, but I never expected her to be in rare form like that. It was almost like Linda Blair ! I was shocked and what was I really going to say to her? Let her talk to the DC who is also my CONTACT and let him decide to shift my gears. A few weeks before that another professor told me to do something one way but I told her I talked to the DC and he said that it is supposed to be done THIS was per the dean. She told me no no no that she too got the email form the dean and had her mind set it was going to be done THIS way. This went on for 2 days and I finally got to talk to my DC about it. He said NO this is wrong and that he would talk to her. Well needless to say I was in the middle and I felt tension between the two. I also had them both as professors in class, so there was this weird aire in her class. I also was concerned for my grade in her class. Thankfully she is not a vindictive person and all went well. I learned that when one party is giving you something (the Board of Trustees with the scholarship) and a different party is in charge of it (the professors), I BETTER ASK EVERYONE the same questions and get clarification before I accept anything and not just happily accept at face value. Not all things need to be this way but when it involves more than one party, I better get clarification. Also I have found that the 3 people in the department do not communicate all that well, which left me feeling like I was being tugged in 3 varied directions to fulfill their individual expectations and agendas. Why I am allowing myself to be put through this? For $1400 per semester! Was $1400 REALLY worth the stress? NOPE!I can't change them, nor could I continue putting that many hours in or cleaning with chemical cleaners. Is it worth the DC having to terminate my scholarship and having that "mar" my record? NOPE! I see that I asked the scholarship office too many questions and brought attention to the department(who never provided me with straight answers), which is NOT what they want. They do not want to be questioned or have the scholarship office contact the dean and question her. The department just wants students to conform to what the "old way" of what the scholarship was. That is what my DC told me last month, that the scholarship was going to be the "old way" which is the way that other professor with the club project was operating. Well I never knew what that was because I got the scholarship last fall when he was DC and not under the tenure of the professor that wanted me to work on the club project. No one ever told me what the "old way" was! And I am just supposed to know this? There is TOO much miscommunication, misinformation, mixed information and people wanting things done their way. They just want someone to shut up, don't ask questions and do the work. Well sorry I am an adult student and was looking forward to do the projects stated on the application and not do loaner activities all the time. I wanted to learn something, participate in group activities just as the scholarship application stated. I also knew that I had 10 hours per semester that I could give up. What I did not plan on was working an average of 8+ hour per week, but one instructor was quick to open her closet of projects and they started to tumble out. When I finished one thing, it was do this now. Well there are 2 other people in the department too that want my help. I felt as if I was her daily personal assistant and NOT a scholarship recipient. Also no one communicated to the other that I was working with them, so I got a cup that overflowed with stuff. I do not need to feel that way though. I know I do not have to be in that situation. I can control this by simply removing myself from it. Sometimes that is what it takes to stop the insanity.
I was advised it would be in my best interest to email the scholarship office and decline the scholarship. He was nice enough to even provide the email address to do so. Sometimes we cannot cut our noses off to spite our faces. I declined the scholarship to save my record. I declined it to save my sanity. Those two things are worth MORE than the financial gain.
And what about principle and differing information? Right now my grades and my getting my degree are important. I am learning that I have to pick my battles and now is not the time to kick up dust. What the issue is is that the professor was untruthful and that my DC never informed me of my error until now, almost a 10 months later. No guidance, no warning. I was basically advised to walk away from the scholarship or have my record tarnished because he would have to terminate my scholarship. It is a no win situation for me. That is one way to get someone just shut up and walk away. I see that I did not drop to her expectations and now I have repercussions. She was NOT my contact though. I too was disappointed with this at first, and sure I cried because I am sensitive and never expected her to do this, a person I respected. Notice, past tense, RESPECTED. I also never thought my DC would do this either, but they all work together. I am just a student. I also see that they are just instructors. I have to lower my expectations that they will do me any favors regardless of what I may have done for them. I was expected to do a job for them in exchange for the scholarship and that was all I was, someone to do the job regardless of them not making their expectations clear or even known. I am NOT a mind reader and I am not going to get myself worked up because I did not have the foresight to SEE that I needed to be a club member and needed to drop his project to do hers. He was my contact, NOT her. I follow the chain of command according to my scholarship paperwork, but apparently I was supposed to operate on the just take on whatever project was tossed at me regardless of what I currently was working on (lack of communication between instructors.) or that I was not even a club member so why would I work on a club project when my DC gave me department projects? I told her I had no time for the club. What I saw her doing is that by making me do the project she was forcing me to be a club member which I did not have time for. My DC was my contact and from my understanding he was the one that would assign my projects. I guess I was supposed to know this was NOT true. This entire scholarship requires to assume much and just go by what was said and given to me at any moment by anyone even if it was not stated to the scholarship or differed from person to person, department to department. Someone forgot to issue me a crystal ball, mind reading abilities, extra hands and more time in the day to do it all.
You see this ALL is NOT worth the aggravation of trying to be everything to everyone. I can't do it. One guy that got the scholarship would film monthly poetry student doing prose and make a dvd out of it. He never got pulled in 3 different directions. Why me? I am not sure and at this point it really does not matter. Were other scholarship recipients club members and were they working on the club project? As far as I saw, NO.
With school starting in about a month, what will I do? At first I actually thought about attending a different college. But why? I will go to classes just like always. Will this bother me? Believe it or not, with only a couples days since this transpired, it is not festering as it was when I first received his email. Yes I am disappointed because the trust I had in them is gone (at least for now) and that the dynamics of the relationship will change. But as them needing to get their agenda done in the department, I also have my agenda and that is to get my degree. That is what I am going there for and need to keep my focus on that.
Thank though Barb
. I will be fine . The program has taught me that I need to have things just roll off like water on a ducks back. I cannot carry all that BS on me because I cannot change what is. What I find peace in that this is over, I owe no one nothing, my servitude for the scholarship is done. I still am me, I have integrity, I am honest and dependable regardless of what that instructor said to my DC. I am going a stretch here but I can only assume this was her payback. That is fine. That confrontation with her PROVED at least I know I can deal with a stressful situation and keep my composure. Proves to me the program works and I do have the skills and can implement them. I am not going to be afraid. Just like Lucinda on one of the lessons with that angry woman on the phone Lucinda had to put on hold because Lucinda got all flustered with that woman and let Dr. Fisher speak to her. Like Dr. Fisher I was not going to get flustered by her comments nor was I going to conduct myself in the same manner she was. I stated I did not have time to be in a club and that I was working on the DC's projects. That was that. No excuses, no nothing, just the truth. She did not like that and I can't change her thinking. It is what it is. So I lost the scholarship . It was NOT worth the price they expected. I still have my integrity as well as sanity. THAT is the prize here! -
Guest
~*schnauzermom*~,
I am just shaking my head at all you went through. Absolutely ridiculous! You would think people in higher education would act better/more intelligently.
Congrats on saying you have a life to live and you don't need the stress.
I know about payback. The manager I had last year was a real SOB. He lied to me about why I didn't get paid for not coming in during nor'easter (he said it was HR that decided this when it was him and the dept director) and he sometimes made comments about being out due to asthma (when his sister had a major worse case of asthma and almost died from it.) He got canned June 25, 2007--less than a year before his marraige. I feel payback was served.
Barb G,
I am not sure what I learned because the disappointment was short-lived. Another company got back to me yesterday about my application and I have an interview with them this Thursday! This company I have wanted for over 5 years to work for. Plus I have other "irons in the fire."
I guess I learned to accept that sensitivity and disappointment are traits of mine. I have had these traits even before anxiety and depression. I am just trying to lessen them.
One thing regarding this I still wonder about is looking forward to things/making goals. In positive thinking books and the Bible, it says to expect good things. What's the point, especially since I already am prone to sensitivity and disappointment?
I am just shaking my head at all you went through. Absolutely ridiculous! You would think people in higher education would act better/more intelligently.
Congrats on saying you have a life to live and you don't need the stress.
Way to go!I still am me, I have integrity, I am honest and dependable regardless of what that instructor said to my DC.
I know about payback. The manager I had last year was a real SOB. He lied to me about why I didn't get paid for not coming in during nor'easter (he said it was HR that decided this when it was him and the dept director) and he sometimes made comments about being out due to asthma (when his sister had a major worse case of asthma and almost died from it.) He got canned June 25, 2007--less than a year before his marraige. I feel payback was served.
Barb G,
I am not sure what I learned because the disappointment was short-lived. Another company got back to me yesterday about my application and I have an interview with them this Thursday
! This company I have wanted for over 5 years to work for. Plus I have other "irons in the fire."I guess I learned to accept that sensitivity and disappointment are traits of mine. I have had these traits even before anxiety and depression. I am just trying to lessen them.
One thing regarding this I still wonder about is looking forward to things/making goals. In positive thinking books and the Bible, it says to expect good things. What's the point, especially since I already am prone to sensitivity and disappointment?
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Guest
Charlie Brown, I have seen regardless of anyones background or education that they too at times lack tact, composure, manners, honesty and integrity. I have friends that are teachers and it is all about politics. Manners and the right thing usually take a back seat to politics. My GF is a teacher and basically was told to shut up or her contract would not be renewed. This was becasue she was speaking up for her students and the lack of professionalism on another teachers part. That other teacher was tenured and well respected with the higer ups. She shut up and still remains at her job. She has learned that you just go with the flow, especially now since she has received 2 Masters Degrees and is an administrator of a department herself, she still needs to "play the game". And yes some bosses can be SOB's. They are everywhere in life, it is our decision whether we will allow their behavior and treatment to bruise us or make us stronger, more tolerant individuals. And if not toleratant, we can just be less affected by them. Some people are just bitterly misreable. I chose NOT to be their company.I am just shaking my head at all you went through. Absolutely ridiculous! You would think people in higher education would act better/more intelligently.
We get the good and the bad...nothing is ever all good. I just do from day to day NOT expecting much of anything. I know what I need to do and just do it. This morning my husband came back from a bike ride and asked if I had breakfast. I said no. He said that he was wanting to eat something. I told him I rather eat in than out, and WE could have some oatmeal and fruit. Well I was getting my hair and make up put on, I came down about 15 minutes later and he had a bowl of oatmeal on the table which he was sitting in front of. I looked over on the stove and no pot. I asked him where is the oatmeal and he was like, OH you wanted to eat too?
I was like YEAH I was waiting for you to return from your bike ride so we could eat together! I made myself a watery, fruit protien shake and an hour later am hungry . Oh well . I also know I told him to turn the comuter off yestreday afternoon and I came into the office that evening and it was on. He said I told him to leave it on. I do not remember I said that because between vacuuming a TON of dog hair and then making dinner I did not have the time to putz on the computer. I know the Bible says expect good things, but I see them as good things in the after life, what Gods eternal life provides. This is earth here, and we humans are fallible. I cannot expect perfect from anyone. I used to. Just because I can do something it does not equate to another individual being capable to what I am, and I am not capable of what they may be able to do. We all have faults and strengths. I just have my agenda and keep going. I can't get bogged down by the actions and resulting disappointment I have of others. I have to get through this life. If I can just change my stinkin thinkin then life really does not have to look as bad. People will poop on us...we have a choice to either clean up, get up and go OR get pooped on and just sit there smelling it. This will take time to disconnect yourself from taking things so personally but in the end it is a means of survival in this world.
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Guest
Charlie Brown...
Hope things are getting better for you. This is a time where growth, trials, lessons will come and when you feel knocked to your knees, just get up and keep going.
Yes, smoke can out of my ears for a minute or two, but I know how my husband is. It is not because he is inconsiderate or lacks common sense...he just does not listen and process what I say at times. THAT is the way he is. But also, I should mention, that he did ALL the breakfast dishes. So I have to take the good with the not so good. He is just him and I know he did not do that to be ignorant, he just has issues listening at times and I know that listening is NOT his best skill. If I need a new outlet in my office, or the toilet base is leaking or the heater in the house goes on the fritz, HE can fix those things. So listening is NOT his best attribute but I also lack in areas. WE both have strengths and weaknesses, and I need to respect BOTH those things. I love him for who he is. I know he does not have a malicious heart and that oatmeal thing was not done to piss me off even though it did for a couple minutes because is was around 11 am and I had nothing to eat yet. My husband can look at me and ask WHY I do not have the common sense or interest to work a chain saw or log splitter, but he doesn't. He takes me for who I am and is thankful for the things I can do.
Well, I had a person at the college that was "very concerned" in their words about what happened with my scholarship and THEY are contacting the college president. Now this gets elevated to a WHOLE different level. This person said another student also had concerns about how many hours the scholarship required, but this other person is a "kid" and is afraid to say much of anything and most likely will not go to the college president. So I did not want to kick up dust, but I have a person at the college saying "NO THIS IS WRONG" and from what this person understands, the department is not doing what they are supposed to be doing. This person is repulsed by the actions of those that are supposed to represent the college, nurture and foster students education and the fact that these people are taking it upon themselves and doing what they please. Actually the college president's secretary just called. We shall see what happens.
Hope things are getting better for you. This is a time where growth, trials, lessons will come and when you feel knocked to your knees, just get up and keep going.
Yes, smoke can out of my ears for a minute or two, but I know how my husband is. It is not because he is inconsiderate or lacks common sense...he just does not listen and process what I say at times. THAT is the way he is. But also, I should mention, that he did ALL the breakfast dishes. So I have to take the good with the not so good. He is just him and I know he did not do that to be ignorant, he just has issues listening at times and I know that listening is NOT his best skill. If I need a new outlet in my office, or the toilet base is leaking or the heater in the house goes on the fritz, HE can fix those things. So listening is NOT his best attribute but I also lack in areas. WE both have strengths and weaknesses, and I need to respect BOTH those things. I love him for who he is. I know he does not have a malicious heart and that oatmeal thing was not done to piss me off even though it did for a couple minutes because is was around 11 am and I had nothing to eat yet. My husband can look at me and ask WHY I do not have the common sense or interest to work a chain saw or log splitter, but he doesn't. He takes me for who I am and is thankful for the things I can do.
Well, I had a person at the college that was "very concerned" in their words about what happened with my scholarship and THEY are contacting the college president. Now this gets elevated to a WHOLE different level. This person said another student also had concerns about how many hours the scholarship required, but this other person is a "kid" and is afraid to say much of anything and most likely will not go to the college president. So I did not want to kick up dust, but I have a person at the college saying "NO THIS IS WRONG" and from what this person understands, the department is not doing what they are supposed to be doing. This person is repulsed by the actions of those that are supposed to represent the college, nurture and foster students education and the fact that these people are taking it upon themselves and doing what they please. Actually the college president's secretary just called. We shall see what happens.
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Guest
~*schnauzermom*~,
Thanks for the reply. I am sorry I did not respond sooner. Things have been very hectic for me. Other than a quick post for a link, I have not really been here.
I have been on an emotional rollercoaster with my current job and looking for a new one. I have been up every night the past several weeks sending out my resume, following up, etc. Plus I HATE being the job I am in. I just today received more bad news: the company I have been craving to work for the past 5 years declined on me. I just opened the "they'll be looking at other candidates who's qualifications fit our needs" email.
I actually have another interview shot this week. This rejection stings more because I have wanted to work so long for this company.
Thanks for the reply. I am sorry I did not respond sooner. Things have been very hectic for me. Other than a quick post for a link, I have not really been here.
I have been on an emotional rollercoaster with my current job and looking for a new one. I have been up every night the past several weeks sending out my resume, following up, etc. Plus I HATE being the job I am in. I just today received more bad news: the company I have been craving to work for the past 5 years declined on me.
I just opened the "they'll be looking at other candidates who's qualifications fit our needs" email. I actually have another interview shot this week. This rejection stings more because I have wanted to work so long for this company.
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Guest
Charlie Brown,
I can understand. I have been there, just salivating to work at my dream company, only to get a reject letter. I can say it stung much because I too hated the job I was in and REALLY wanted out from there. For me I wanted out terribly and to have this awesome firework just fizzle out was a huge sting in the butt. It can bring your confidence down, sure. But there are other opportunities that may be better suited. I found that when I needed to get out of a toxic work environment that after a number of rejections from companies I really wanted to work for I ended up getting a much better job that had me working as the secretary to the president of a company than the job with a major credit card company as a sales persons secretary which I would have had several sales people to support with travel plans, expense reports, shipping materials, etc, etc. I worked for 1 guy (the owner of the dealership)that allowed me to grow the position, to clean up areas that were neglected and was treated pretty well. The benefits were not there (401K, long term disability, health/dental/life) as this was a part time position, but I made just as much part time there than I would have full time at the credit card company, so part time was excellent. I worked from 9am-3pm Monday thru Thursday and Fridays off. Then I started to come in every other Friday from 9am-12pm. He also paid my sick time, vacation and holidays! Plus I had ONE boss! Believe it or not, this was at a multi line car dealership. Very professional outfit. The health/dental my husband receives through his employer so it was not a big deal for me.
Anyhow, you never know where your dream job will turn out to be. I never knew when I started at the car dealer that it was going to be my dream job, but it was. It was THE BEST job I had, the people, the duties, I loved it all. If it was full time, I still would have been working there, driving the 30 miles one way! But we moved and the part time pay was not going to cover wear, tear and gas.
Just keep going! Never give up and never underestimate the potential of working somewhere where you never thought it could be your dream job. You just may never know! Also if you feel more schooling will increase your attractiveness to a company, maybe look into it. Classes never hurt!
Good luck on your interview. Please let us know how it goes, OK?
I can understand. I have been there, just salivating to work at my dream company, only to get a reject letter. I can say it stung much because I too hated the job I was in and REALLY wanted out from there. For me I wanted out terribly and to have this awesome firework just fizzle out was a huge sting in the butt. It can bring your confidence down, sure. But there are other opportunities that may be better suited. I found that when I needed to get out of a toxic work environment that after a number of rejections from companies I really wanted to work for I ended up getting a much better job that had me working as the secretary to the president of a company than the job with a major credit card company as a sales persons secretary which I would have had several sales people to support with travel plans, expense reports, shipping materials, etc, etc. I worked for 1 guy (the owner of the dealership)that allowed me to grow the position, to clean up areas that were neglected and was treated pretty well. The benefits were not there (401K, long term disability, health/dental/life) as this was a part time position, but I made just as much part time there than I would have full time at the credit card company, so part time was excellent. I worked from 9am-3pm Monday thru Thursday and Fridays off. Then I started to come in every other Friday from 9am-12pm. He also paid my sick time, vacation and holidays! Plus I had ONE boss! Believe it or not, this was at a multi line car dealership. Very professional outfit. The health/dental my husband receives through his employer so it was not a big deal for me.
Anyhow, you never know where your dream job will turn out to be. I never knew when I started at the car dealer that it was going to be my dream job, but it was. It was THE BEST job I had, the people, the duties, I loved it all. If it was full time, I still would have been working there, driving the 30 miles one way! But we moved and the part time pay was not going to cover wear, tear and gas.
Just keep going! Never give up and never underestimate the potential of working somewhere where you never thought it could be your dream job. You just may never know!
Also if you feel more schooling will increase your attractiveness to a company, maybe look into it. Classes never hurt!Good luck on your interview. Please let us know how it goes, OK?