Can I panic NOW???

[Sandina]

Rhasslariel, you ARE meant to be happy! Do not let your negative thoughts determine your level of happiness, or lack of it. You can choose how you respond to this situation.

My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer almost 15 years ago. She is fine now. I can tell you that when she was diagnosed I went through a lot of anger about it. I even told God that if he took my mother from me, I would hate Him forever. The great thing about God is that he knows and understands your feelings and he has your whole life in His hands. I never felt this way at the time, but in time I have learned it.

I'm going to suggest a great book for you. It's called "Streams in the Desert" and it is a daily devotional book. I don't know if you're a Christian or not, but even if you're not there is a lot of positive affirmation in this book and good advice for people like you and me. You can order it on Amazon fairly cheap, and you will cherish it. <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/Streams-Desert-L- ... 406&sr=8-1" TARGET=_blank>http://www.amazon.com/Streams-Desert-L- ... &sr=8-1</A>

Sandina

[RMENURSE8]

Your not having anxiety because of the postive reinforced thoughts that you are clearly stating in your message. Its when you let it take you over and just have the negetive that all heck breaks loose.

I am so impressed with your positive attitude. I think that your going to get better and better. This will actually make you stronger, may not seem like it right now, but it will. This is a fine example for all of us that when we think we are having it rough with burning the toast or not wanting to face the littlest things that you are showing your able to manage something at a major level of stress like a true champion. Thank you so much for sharing your story and humbeling me. I am sure the roof will get fixed!

RB

[Mary Wargo]

The friend I had who went thru this was actually not very incapacitated after the surgery or the radiation come to think about it. She had dogs and her husband was at work all evening until midnight and she was OK enough to take care of them. The hospital stay was I think only 1 day and after she recuperated she was able to be up and doing some things. You may not need to worry too much about your animals as you may be able to take at least minimal care of them. I had pretty extensive breast surgery years ago and my ex was useless for these things and worked all the time anyway. I was home in 1 day and although I didn't feel so great I was able to look after my animals.

[BTTRFLY]

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. You are clearly angry and have every right to be. I hear you that you are not focused on one God, so I'm not going to preach at all. But I do want to say that your anger is spurring your negative thoughts, and while I think you are very entitled to be angry, it is not productive to you.

Let's break down the situation a little, as I am not sure that you are "not meant to be happy". You ahd anxiety/depression/panic attacks much worse before you did the program. At that time, things occurred that bothered you, but not too big. Now your diagnosis comes, and that is big, but your anxiety/depression/panic attacks are under more control due to the program. So now you can deal with and face the diagnosis and treatment a lot better than before the program. As I believe everything happens for a reason, perhaps the "powers that be" withheld the diagnosis until you were mentally able to deal with it?

It was caught very early and is very treatable. You happen to have a doctor's office who has a state of the art new machine that they can write off on you. You also happen to have a doctor's office and hospital that are willing to set up a payment plan, neither of which is true for all doctor offices. Your husband will need to care for the animals for a little while for you, which will help him to be able to be more self-sufficient and helpful around the house, and will allow him to see what work it is to care for those animals and how much they mean to you. It will also give him a diversion from the stress of seeing his wife go through cancer treatment.

You WILL get through this and put it behind you, because you get regular mammos and take care of your body, you found it early and can eradicate it. I agree with support groups and looking into possible financial assistance, but at the end of the day, you've got to keep positive and do what you need to do to stay healthy and put this behind you. And I know "stay positive" is sometimes not a possibility, and you will have days of rage and sadness. But in the end you will be a stronger person, and your husband will, too.

Hugs and prayers and good thoughts to you,
Tara

[CarolynEd.Dir.]

Rh..., I am so sorry that you have to go through this...But, look at all the wonderful support you are gathering from such kind friends here. Take what they are sharing with you and hold it in your heart. Get busy and check out the financial support that may be available to you in your community. I hope you have a girlfriend who will help you with paperwork and letters...

It's normal to be angry and negative for a bit...promise yourself that after you have a good old temper tantrum you will pick yourself up and do what you can to make a Very challenging time go by quickly and with as little stress as possible.

We are here for you, Carolyn

[Legal Lady]

Rhasslariel -

Let me encourage you to contact the American Cancer Society and Livestrong. They have alot of help available and they will be able to match you up to someone to talk to who has gone through this.

You need someone to stand with you in this, and both organizations have lots of help available.

[Rhasslariel]

Thank you all for the support. Its much appreciated. Right now, and this might sound odd, but my anger isn't always directed at the fact that I have cancer. Its directed at the fact that if I have to make payments now (my hospital does have financial aid programs, but I'm not sure if I'll qualify, the old "don't make enough to cover, but make to much to get help" thing), that now all the things I was finally starting to look forward to, because of this program, are now lost. Any money I have after monthly bills, will have to go to this. There will be no way of saving anything now. I won't be able to afford to get a new roof, or finish renovating my living room, or yard. I'm afraid to even spend money to go to a movie now because I know I'll need every penny. Forget about ever having enough to go to Australia one day like I dreamed. I feel its all gone now. I've been forcing back any tears though. I know if I start crying, I won't stop. And I'm afraid it will trigger an anxiety attack. As for my husband, he won't be at the hospital. He doesn't drive, so there's no way he can get there and back. I drive him when he needs to go somewhere. And he has only ever had to take care of himself (in fact, he's had to take care of himself his whole life, he was badly abused and neglected as a child, and an adult). He can manage things on a basic level, but things like cleaning litter boxes, feeding reptiles, that stuff I don't know if he can do. He's on disability, so he just plays on-line games all day. And his sleep schedule is very erratic. My animals are used to a schedule.

The friend I had who went thru this was actually not very incapacitated after the surgery or the radiation come to think about it. She had dogs and her husband was at work all evening until midnight and she was OK enough to take care of them. The hospital stay was I think only 1 day and after she recuperated she was able to be up and doing some things. You may not need to worry too much about your animals as you may be able to take at least minimal care of them. I had pretty extensive breast surgery years ago and my ex was useless for these things and worked all the time anyway. I was home in 1 day and although I didn't feel so great I was able to look after my animals.

I know someone who was diagnosed with cancer early last year, though not breast cancer. She had a tumor on her pancreas. She had apparently had it for a while, thinking it was just an old back injury acting up. She didn't like going to doctors, didn't really trust them, and didn't think she was sick enough to be bothered. When she finally did go, and her doctor got her blood tests back, he had her admitted immediately, she was in that bad a shape. And although, the private hospital she was in refused to continue treatment unless she could pay within a short amount of time, she had the good fortune to be married to a Scottish man and therefore eligible for the free health care in the UK where she went. Her brother-in-law also happened to be a surgeon at Cambridge Medical University, talk about luck! Even though she was going through this, her attitude was fantastic. Nothing bothered or worried her (never did). She felt like she was on vacation. They were able to give her a relatively mild treatment, and while she's still a little weak, is now cancer free. As bad as she was when diagnosed, they told her she wouldn't live unless treatment started within a couple of weeks, and now she's doing fine. I try to remember things like this. Mine was found early. They said its treatable. It still scares the crap out of me though. I start to wonder, "when did it start?" "What did I do that triggered it?" I was vegetarian for many years but went back to eating meat the last couple of years, mostly because of my husband (cheaper than buying two different things every time I shopped). Did that do it? I look at people when I'm out wondering "Do they have something? Do they know if they do? There could be something turning bad in them right now, and they have no clue". This is where my mind goes. I'm fighting getting depressed, but its hard. All the years of going to doctors thinking something was wrong and being told I'm fine, now I go thinking I'm fine and wham! Just when everything was getting better...

[Rhasslariel]

I also know what my mother (adoptive) went through. She had breast cancer, though she had found a lump and put off doing anything about it for a while. What I have I don't think is even a lump yet. I couldn't feel anything. My mother opted for just having the lump removed. She seemed fine for some time, then was diagnosed with cervical cancer. She had a hysterectomy and they thought she would be fine once more. Then a couple of years later, they found spots on her bones and brain. It was all down hill from there. And since I've lived at home my whole life I was witness to it all. And I was the one taking care of her. I don't want to turn into her. Even though there's no biological connection, it still stays in my mind.