scared to die

Holly J · Post by **Holly J** » Fri Jul 11, 2008 7:49 pm

I have been having this weird overwhelming feeling lately. its hard to describe. I feel like it is depression and than when i feel this way my anxiety comes out and i freak out and over think about things. I have been experiencing heart palpatations and that is really scary. I feel like there is something wrong with me and i am going to die. I have been getting these terrible headaches too and it feels so sore even when i touch my head . . I have this feeling of doom. .like something bad is going to happen to me. has anyone felt that way?? and than when people notice that i dont feel well or say things like i am worried about you or kind of make a big deal out of it, That freaks me out more. .than i wonder am i really that bad and dont know it? Than i do that what if i want to kill myself because the people that say they are worried about me seem like thay think that about me or something and its like i dont ever think that i want to die. I am not a morbid person yet when people show so much concern i start doing the what if i am as bad as what people think and kill myself? what of this doesnt go away ever? Than i start to panic bad!! and get heart palpatations and nausea. i went to throw up today but nothing came out. If people didnt make a big deal than i wouldnt make a big deal out of my issues and than prob feel better. . does anyone understand this or have felt this way??? It just scares me when people are too concerned because than i feel like i must be worse than i am or something. . and than my mind starts racing and than heart palps and headaches and than i feel like my body is going to shut down. i feel very alone. its like a different kind of anxiety too . . its like depression too but that leads to anxiety where as before my anxiety would either always just be anxiety or it would lead to depression . for some reason i have this fear of depression. ANyway,i just need positive supportive dont think i am nuts o need serious help comments. . thank you all

Holly J · Post by **Holly J** » Fri Jul 11, 2008 8:05 pm

i don't know if the last part made sense (ativan was kicking in)But i meant to say is i'd like comments from people who understand and who are not gonna say i need serious help or that i am weird for feeling this way. That will only make me feel worse. thanks

Chief Crazy Horse · Post by **Chief Crazy Horse** » Fri Jul 11, 2008 11:41 pm

Holly I can't emphasize this enough, you are NOT crazy! We've spoken before and I think you are an intelligent woman

. Please do this program consistantly EVERY DAY and take your time not expecting great miracles in an instant. Little by little you will improve and it won't be until you look back and see how bad you were that you will see the improvement

. Patience.....I mean Patience, Patience, Patience. And as you Persevere through this you are NOT alone I promise you

!

abbette · Post by **abbette** » Fri Jul 11, 2008 11:52 pm

Hey Holly, no, you are not crazy you probably are just remembering a fear from an old experience. I had those feelings too...weird, freaky, scared to die feelings. They go away but you have to realize that they only have power when you feel like they are more powerful than you. YOU are more powerful than your thoughts...even if you don't think so right away...keep telling yourself YOU ARE...and YOU WILL BE. YOU HAVE THE POWER. Remember the law of attraction. Start thinking that you are a powerful, beautiful, capable person that is able to overcome anything..and eventually it will be an issue of the past. You just have to learn to find whatever makes you feel good when those thoughts pop up...the beach, mountains, anything that distracts you from the icky thought. It's like tuning a radio. Your brain is like a radio that picks up on different frequencies...just keep telling yourself YOU have the power over YOURSELF...even if you don't believe it right away it's OK...THE MORE YOU PRACTICE THE EASIER IT GETS. I just ordered the program so I haven't gotten it yet and I don't know exactly what they talk about...LOL and i'm already on this thing...anyways, it sounds like you have a little PTSD...Post traumatic stress...your subconscious and your emotions are basically the same thing...something happened in the past that caused you to feel an extremely powerful emotion n where you felt your life was in danger and you were powerless over the situation and since it was so traumatic you supressed it and don't remember it consciously but your subconscious does and so you are remembering an old fear from an event that is no longer taking place. So it is just a remembered fear from the past. It is a part of you that is saying..."I need you to tell me everything is going to be OK" cause it didn't get that during the time the memory was caused. But you can give it that now...cause it's stuck in the "past" but not really so you can give it what it needs to clear and move on...assurance, gentleness, and...YOU.

Holly J · Post by **Holly J** » Sat Jul 12, 2008 12:14 am

Thank you David and abbette. I appreciate your replys. I am having a hard time right now calming myself because of my physical symptoms which are so strong right now it feels like there must be something wrong with me. . . I never thought of it that way, abbette. Maybe i do have PTSD. Do you have it?

abbette · Post by **abbette** » Sat Jul 12, 2008 12:20 am

Yes I have it, it sux...LOL but there is always a positive emotion/outcome just as strong as the negative...it's just getting to the other side that's difficult but you get there...and life is more wonderful than it was before cause you have more awareness and compassion and power and character and all those great things that come with pain! lol...seriously...i've been working on this for 2 yrs and im finally coming out of it...you just have to keep a positive attitude and have patience. Cheif crazy horse was right PATIENCE. The more patient you are the quicker it clears.

Holly J · Post by **Holly J** » Sat Jul 12, 2008 12:42 am

wow. well that is deff positive and makes me feel not so hopeless. Thank you abbette!!!So there are good emotions from it that are just as strong as the bad ones i am experiencing right now?

carinkacz · Post by **carinkacz** » Sat Jul 12, 2008 3:54 am

Good emotions? Absolutely! After completing this program I felt EMPOWERED! You can really appreciate how wonderful life once you step out from beneath the oppressive weight of anxiety. And I recognized my own strengths - that I have value and so much to give now that I am able to function.

It was a gradual process. I worked on the program daily, and practiced, practiced, practiced just as abbette and Chief recommended. I also engaged mindfullness practices. And the result? Physical well-being, peace and joy entered my life. This program helped me to acquire the tools that helped me to overcome my anxiety and actually live my life. These same tools have since helped me to cope with the other difficulties that I encountered over the past 11 years. I gained a confidence in myself - I beat debilitating anxiety and gained a life.

If I sense myself slipping into some old bad habits (negative self talk, not taking care of myself) - listening to a tape, and a quick review of my old workbook is all I need to get back on track.

Practice the program daily. Be patient. Be kind to yourself. You can do it! One day at a time. Believe.

Sit-N-Spin · Post by **Sit-N-Spin** » Sat Jul 12, 2008 4:03 am

Hey Holly,

If it helps the other thing I'm learning is,not to let people tell me or how I should feel.Also,not to let people dictate how I feel with their comments what ever they may be !!!

Holly J · Post by **Holly J** » Sat Jul 12, 2008 7:10 am

Thank you carinkacz. I actuaaly was feeling better wwhile doing the program and than something extremely stressful happened and i got very side tracked and in fact got worse than how i was before the program. . All these stresses started to happen and it has gotten the best of me. I know i need to start on the program again. I feel like i can stop a panic attack mostly. I am on session4 which i felt didn't apply to how i was feeling so it was easy for me to stop doing it. . i know o need to get back on. . I am really looking forward to "what if thinkers" and "obsessive scary thoughts."

sit-n-spin
I don't know why other peoples comments on my mental/physical health affect me so much. . The thing is I am not one to do things just to make everyone happy or try and be someone I am not it's just when other people act like there is something very wrong with me it scares me. Like I need people to not think its a big deal because than I wont and than the anxiety isn't so bad. But when people say I am worried about you It makes me think whats wrong with me? I dont like people to pity me. . I like to talk about how I feel and have people understand and be positive I guess. Like when my sister asks how are you I'll always tell the truth and she her comments are "wow that sucks" or "thats weird" Im like THANKS, next time don't ask how I am because you only make it worse!! LOL It's like in my heart I know it has to be anxiety yet i need reassurance that I will be ok and not to worry. . . I dont know, I just dont like people feeling sorry for me because it makes me feel more anxiety. . If that makes any sense. Yes what I am going through is painful but why cant I get out of it like other people have? There is no reason why i cant, right? I dont take any anti-depressant which a lot of people seem to think is the answer but its not for me. But, why whats wrong with doing this and recovering w/o anti depressants? People act like you cant do it without them or that I need them for sure but I know my body and how i react to them. . Anyway, just ranting now. thank you everyone for the replys!!