How do you learn verbal self-defense?
-
Inner Peace
- Posts: 53
- Joined: Tue Jul 10, 2007 1:50 pm
How does one develop his/her skills in verbal self defense? I find myself around very pushy and critical people who will even yell and cuss at times. I read a book a few years ago called “The Gentle Art Of Verbal Self Defense” and although it was insightful, it never seemed to help. The big problem is when I’m facing a verbal confrontation, I freeze and cannot think of anything to say or do. Do others have this problem? How do you cope? Whenever I don’t stand up for myself, my self-esteem lowers a little more.
-
Guest
I understand 100%. I've been ran over nearly my whole life, and just let ppl walk on me. I have trouble standing up for myself. My problem is that I have taken action. I've held it in for so long, though, that it comes out bad sometimes. You can only take getting walked on for so long, until you just snap. I'm sure you can relate a little. I hate it because I usually will get pissed over something silly, but I just remember all the times I was getting walked on, and it kind of comes out wrong. There's got to be somewhere in between for us.
-
Guest
Hi-
I heard of a book that I haven't checked out yet. But, maybe it would help. It's called "Bullies, Tyrants and Impossible People".
sounds like the kinds of people you are running into.
I have some of these people too. Mostly in my extended family. I have put boundaries up in my life to keep them in their areas and me in my own zone. I gradually have pulled away from them because each time I reach out in love, I get swatted verbally. I figure if they don't love me and want to have a relationship, then too bad for them. Their loss.
Good luck with this.
I heard of a book that I haven't checked out yet. But, maybe it would help. It's called "Bullies, Tyrants and Impossible People".
sounds like the kinds of people you are running into.
I have some of these people too. Mostly in my extended family. I have put boundaries up in my life to keep them in their areas and me in my own zone. I gradually have pulled away from them because each time I reach out in love, I get swatted verbally. I figure if they don't love me and want to have a relationship, then too bad for them. Their loss.
Good luck with this.
-
Guest
-
Guest
I'm in this area !!!
It happens to me all of the time,I see it as a gift and not a burden,most people think you should fight back or are just looking for a fight.I have found when you say nothing that's the best defense you can have,it really tick's nasty people off or be nice in return.I can't spend time walking around waiting for nasty comments and thinking of the billions of responses to then.Not sure of the place it say's something about not worrying about what you are going to say,the "Holy Spirit" will provide you with the words.
It happens to me all of the time,I see it as a gift and not a burden,most people think you should fight back or are just looking for a fight.I have found when you say nothing that's the best defense you can have,it really tick's nasty people off or be nice in return.I can't spend time walking around waiting for nasty comments and thinking of the billions of responses to then.Not sure of the place it say's something about not worrying about what you are going to say,the "Holy Spirit" will provide you with the words.
-
Guest
This is a very common problem for alot of us and whne you work on the relaxation response by doing the relax cd then you will start to get to a point where your freeze time is very short and you can think enough to respond. In some situations its better to not respond but i have a feeling those aren't the ones you are speaking about.
Dr.David D Burns talks about something called Verbal Judo, check that out. Asking questions is a really big key to it. It really depends on the situation though. Sometimes saying nothing works, other times asking people what the purpose of what they are saying or doing helps and one of the big things is repetition. People like to change the subject alot and you just simply bring it back to where it was.
One thing you could try is to pick out some responses and just recite them over and over and over on a daily basis for a little while and so recalling them during the heat of a moment will become easier. Here are some that might help:
1)I really don't appreciate how you are talking to me?
2)Why are you saying this to me?
3)I don't understand why you felt the need to point _____ out, could you explain that to me.
Disarming people is another good idea...its where you slightly agree with them because there is always a grain of truth. We cannot listen 100% all the time or don't make decisions right all the time, we certainly aren't polite and respectful all the time, we might act stupid sometimes and many other things. Someone says your stupid well just say that yes you have your moments and follow that with the question, why did you feel the need to point this out.
Mike
Dr.David D Burns talks about something called Verbal Judo, check that out. Asking questions is a really big key to it. It really depends on the situation though. Sometimes saying nothing works, other times asking people what the purpose of what they are saying or doing helps and one of the big things is repetition. People like to change the subject alot and you just simply bring it back to where it was.
One thing you could try is to pick out some responses and just recite them over and over and over on a daily basis for a little while and so recalling them during the heat of a moment will become easier. Here are some that might help:
1)I really don't appreciate how you are talking to me?
2)Why are you saying this to me?
3)I don't understand why you felt the need to point _____ out, could you explain that to me.
Disarming people is another good idea...its where you slightly agree with them because there is always a grain of truth. We cannot listen 100% all the time or don't make decisions right all the time, we certainly aren't polite and respectful all the time, we might act stupid sometimes and many other things. Someone says your stupid well just say that yes you have your moments and follow that with the question, why did you feel the need to point this out.
Mike