Just wanted some feedback

Gerri Ahart · Post by **Gerri Ahart** » Fri Aug 13, 2010 11:49 am

Hi there- I really have never posted before but what the heck- here it is. I was given this program by a friend while in the midst of a very difficult time. My husband had left(not because of my issues-he is his own ball of wax) and I was spinning my wheels. This was at the end of June and I have jumped in wholeheartedly and see significant change in how I operate. Finally, I was able to figure out the source of my anxiety. I could never figure it out until the program and it made all the difference. So as I am changing, my husband who is back and for a few weeks played along- is determined to test every facet of what I have learned- if you know what I mean. I guess this is where I will see just how much I have changed because everyday, I am leaning on these cd's just to get me through. Just wondering what anyone else has done when they are trying to make these changes with an unsupportive partner- who by the way needs to go through this program too but is refusing. I am trying to keep the focus on my change while being sympathetic to the needs of an alchoholic partner(who has stopped drinking for the 85th time) He is on day 10 and is miserable. Anyway thanks for whatever you have to say- just didn't know where to put this all.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Aug 16, 2010 6:52 am

It happened -full blown anxiety attack this morning. I tried everything I could while in the midst of it and couldn't get it under control for about an hour and a half. Started because my husband is so miserable he blames all his problems on me; basically because of my weight and that our home remodel is taking so long. And because I am a guilt ridden person anyway it took a long time to get myself undercontrol. and all the negative things I have been talking myself out of just crept right back in. And I am not that fat- just bigger than when we got married 14 years ago ( i did have 4 kids) and I workout hard everyday-eat mosttly protein and am only a size 12 not a size 26. And life costs money- I don't know what else to say. But it is so hard to do this when you don't have someone in your corner to help you through. And actually seems to set out on hitting my most vulnerable parts. Anyway, just needed to unload. and make myself get rid of that so I can go back to the program and reboot.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Aug 16, 2010 10:04 am

Wow you are very strong. I have a sister who blames me for all of her pain. She said the other day that if I wasnt her sister she would hate me. And that i make her want to shoot herself. I don't do anything to her but am honest with her and she wants rainbows n butterflies. I don't know what to do. It makes me feel like a horrible person and stresses me out to the max. I wish I could change things but I dont know how...

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Aug 16, 2010 3:25 pm

Right there with you- I just keep talking to myself and trying to make myself believe that he has to be in real pain to act the way he does. But the other part of me wants to run far away from him and let him sit in his hole of misery. So although I am in it for better for worse, he seems to think that all he deserves is better and that's it. Gosh wouldn't life be great if we all got what we deserved! Thanks for posting- it's nice to hear from someone.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Aug 16, 2010 3:39 pm

Gerri, same here friend....I have a best friend who is retired now.....doesnt want to move to another state with me even though he hates where he lives now. very stubborn...gets nasty too lately....I cant change him so I will leave and hope he follows. cant change a leopards spots no matter how you try. I have been trying for 2 years now....its over. !!!! If they dont want the change and you feel you have to do something in your life and they are making your life miserable....what is that all about? Living with an alcoholic is devastating to a person. My Dad was, but he never got nasty. Thank God....it just left a stigma on all us kids growing up.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Aug 18, 2010 2:12 pm

another rough day- basically being ignored in my own home by my husband- he sent me an email after my anxiety attack stating that his issues are about my weight and our finances (one he can't control because it is my issue and the other he refuses to assist with) and that he is extremely jealous of his friends with a competed house. I stood up for myself and very frankly said my weight issues are for me to deal with- not for him to overcome and the finances- really are not that bad and he doesn't have to forgive me for anything- he is only hurting himself by holding on to that. I also told him he should probably be jealous of neil armstrong because he went to the moon and lebron james because he can dunk- you know while he was at it. well, he hasn't even replied- just pretends i don't exist- to the point he will pass me in the road and acts like i am not there. i am trying to keep myself together- stamping out the negativity with my positive talk, keeping myself busy and staying with my eating and exercise plan-(i've lost 8 lbs in about 2 and half weeks) just need to unload again. it kind of feels better to just throw it out in cyberspace and let it land where it may. so anyway, gonna work real hard tonight on finding my 3 things to be grateful for. and do some goal setting for myself.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Aug 22, 2010 3:17 pm

Hi Gerri-

You are a strong lady. I've had 4 kids too, and gol' darn it, a size 12 is just fine. Is your husband a beefcake that he can judge this??

I will pray for you to keep working on yourself and perfecting your skills. I'm sorry it's so hard.

We are in your corner. You aren't alone.