Can't continue Job like this
I used to suffer from anxiety attacks mainly in social situations, but the program has helped me with that. I think social anxiety runs in the family. I have been in my current job for 3yrs now and up to about a 2 months ago, have really enjoyed it. Recently I was kind of promoted to a new position in which I have to go to status meetings and even give PRESENTATIONS!!! I can't do this stuff. When I am expected to speak in meetings, I freak out and most of the time completely avoid going to the meeting. I can't keep this up for long. My anxiety is constant now and I dread everyday of my job. It's not allowing me to think, sleep or eat normally. It's also making me rethink my relationship and future. I'm even thinking about quitting and moving somewhere, but thats just running away from the fear. It makes it worse that I have made friends with my co-workers over the years and I don't want them to know how I feel about just speaking in a meeting. I don't just get a little nervous, it's a full on panic attack right in the meeting. I actually got caught off guard last week and was asked to give a status in a meeting I didn't think I would have to speak in. I completely froze up for a few minutes and then finally rattled off some words. I have been to a therapist about this problem but he didn't seem to help much. I'm only about 4 weeks into the program and it has helped a lot with the overall anxiety, but what do I do about these scenarios where I have to perform at that very second? Should I look into medication? Is there a med I can take on an as needed basis? I need something to help, because the skills I use to get past the normal anxiety attacks do not seem to work when I know it is about to be my turn to speak. Any help is appreciated.
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Guest
So do you really want the job or not? I mean do you want to do what you have to do to keep the position or would you just rather not have it? It wouldn't be wrong of you to just ask if you could have your old job back, if that's what you want. Or, can you talk openly with your boss and tell them what you're going through and see what they have to say? I'm sure there are some meds that you can take on a as needed basis, like lorazapam or klonopin. I personally tried some of these and I just couldn't stand the feeling and I hate taking pills. But some swear by them. Ultimatley though, the real way in the end is going to be having to deal with this issue. You know, to get rid of it completley. But meds are good to help you until you are ready to face things. Good Luck- oh, and I am no expert on pills, talk to your doctor and do a little research. Find someone here that really knows.
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Guest
There are ALOT of people who dont like public speaking so you are not alone there. I think I would address this with my boss. You dont have to go into the whole anxiety thing. Just simply state that You never realized it before but you are just very uncomfortable with public speaking period and tell him you might just like to go back to your old position. I think he will understand. I dont know if you remember Sonny&Cher they may have been before your time,Im sure you`ve heard of Cher. She used to be terrified of going out on stage,Sonny used to drag her out there and look at her now.She cant get enough,wow what a difference.
Hey,
I know how you feel. If your logical side wants this job, just not the anxiety, then stick with it. I started a job a few years ago, and the new duties and responsibilites at first were overwhelming. The good news is, the longer I stayed with it, the easier it got. Now I am so happy I didn't stop due to the initial stress and anxiety as I am learning so much and feel my role is very fulfilling now that I have confidence.
I still have some anxiety at times but it is far less severe and I have to remind myself that it is a bad habit - my body is used to reacting with anxiety and had been well trained.
Think about the parts of the new job that make you happy - anything at all - any increase in pay, better office, more control over the direction of your work? Better pens? An assistant? Better hours? A good challenge?
Keep in mind that anyone else in your shoes would also be having anxiety about the change - maybe not related to speaking, but perhaps responsibility or another aspect. The only thing they may have is more confidence and less pressure on themselves to be perfect. We with anxiety think that we aren't good enough, and sooner or later all the people in the world are going to find out!
This is not true, we are as good if not better than other people as our standards are very high. Don't talk yourself out of this job. Prepare for presentations with lots of notes or displays or computer powerpoint to help you take the focus off of you. Think of it like you just have to give information to the other people. You were given this job, you can do it!
Congratulate yourself for the small steps. Practice reading any book aloud at home, slowly and clearly.
And yes, some meds can help through your TRANSITION period - you will not be this way forever unless you want to be. Keep trying and you will change. I found lorazepam to be helpful in severe anxiety, or panic attack situations. Sometimes I think it prevented an attack just by knowing I could take it if I needed to. A nice security blanket.
Good luck, if you want to get over this, YOU WILL. Fight back every time anxiety attacks you.
Heather
I know how you feel. If your logical side wants this job, just not the anxiety, then stick with it. I started a job a few years ago, and the new duties and responsibilites at first were overwhelming. The good news is, the longer I stayed with it, the easier it got. Now I am so happy I didn't stop due to the initial stress and anxiety as I am learning so much and feel my role is very fulfilling now that I have confidence.
I still have some anxiety at times but it is far less severe and I have to remind myself that it is a bad habit - my body is used to reacting with anxiety and had been well trained.
Think about the parts of the new job that make you happy - anything at all - any increase in pay, better office, more control over the direction of your work? Better pens? An assistant? Better hours? A good challenge?
Keep in mind that anyone else in your shoes would also be having anxiety about the change - maybe not related to speaking, but perhaps responsibility or another aspect. The only thing they may have is more confidence and less pressure on themselves to be perfect. We with anxiety think that we aren't good enough, and sooner or later all the people in the world are going to find out!
This is not true, we are as good if not better than other people as our standards are very high. Don't talk yourself out of this job. Prepare for presentations with lots of notes or displays or computer powerpoint to help you take the focus off of you. Think of it like you just have to give information to the other people. You were given this job, you can do it!
Congratulate yourself for the small steps. Practice reading any book aloud at home, slowly and clearly.
And yes, some meds can help through your TRANSITION period - you will not be this way forever unless you want to be. Keep trying and you will change. I found lorazepam to be helpful in severe anxiety, or panic attack situations. Sometimes I think it prevented an attack just by knowing I could take it if I needed to. A nice security blanket.
Good luck, if you want to get over this, YOU WILL. Fight back every time anxiety attacks you.
Heather
Hey Wake,
I agree with everything Staying Positive said. I'm a teacher, and years ago i got asked to serve on a professional committee that required I report back to our staff of 100+. Even though I'd been in the classroom for over 3 years, AND I had never suffered from anxiety YET, I was still really shook up each time I spoke. However, the more I did it (and yes, the anxiety did come), the easier it got and now I'm one of the first to spout my mouth.
So here's what I've discovered:
1.) I've seldom heard someone speak and not heard them say something stupid.
2.) It's easier for me to go first than W A I T because I get easily agitated and my anxiety grows.
3.) I'm sure your career is far more professional than mine- seriously, teachers are exact models of their students; we are the worst to speak to and NO ONE listens anyway. So I figure if I'm busy correcting work while someone else is speaking, they're paying little attention to me when i speak.
<span class="ev_code_RED">4.) Since you've been promoted to this position, clearly you are VERY good at your job and your boss sees great potential in you- including public speaking.</span> If (s)he hasn't confronted you yet about what you claim are inarticulate ramblings, you just might be too hard on yourself.
You say that you've been at this job for over 3 years now, is there someone you can trust to ask for complete objectivity and talk to about your fear? This might also give you a good assessment if you're over-reacting.
As for meds, currently I am on them
and have been on many over the past 9 years. How often are you asked to speak at your meetings? If it's only occasionally (fewer than 5x's a month), you may want to see a psych. for xanax. It works immediately and is out of your system within a day (many people use it for flying). However, it is VERY habit-forming (that i can speak for from experience).
If you'd prefer pharmaceudical (sp?) free, check out passion flower! Seriously, my younger sister is currently taking a speech class in college, and a couple hours before her speech she takes 1-2 capsules. I've also used it, and if I hadn't already used xanax/ativan, this would be PLENTY strong enough! (Zoey is currently earning an A/B!!!) This is my goal; to eventually only rely on vitamin supplements.
The passion flower I bought is pharmacudically (sp) monitered and is of high quality (unlike what you may find at some health food stores, but it is a little more $). I ordered it at <A HREF="http://www.theroadback.org" TARGET=_blank>www.theroadback.org</A>. I'd also recommend the tart cherries if you have sleeping issues. All three of my siblings swear by them.
Hope this was helpful.
Best Wishes and Blessings,
fischee
I agree with everything Staying Positive said. I'm a teacher, and years ago i got asked to serve on a professional committee that required I report back to our staff of 100+. Even though I'd been in the classroom for over 3 years, AND I had never suffered from anxiety YET, I was still really shook up each time I spoke. However, the more I did it (and yes, the anxiety did come), the easier it got and now I'm one of the first to spout my mouth.
So here's what I've discovered:
1.) I've seldom heard someone speak and not heard them say something stupid.
2.) It's easier for me to go first than W A I T because I get easily agitated and my anxiety grows.
3.) I'm sure your career is far more professional than mine- seriously, teachers are exact models of their students; we are the worst to speak to and NO ONE listens anyway. So I figure if I'm busy correcting work while someone else is speaking, they're paying little attention to me when i speak.
<span class="ev_code_RED">4.) Since you've been promoted to this position, clearly you are VERY good at your job and your boss sees great potential in you- including public speaking.</span> If (s)he hasn't confronted you yet about what you claim are inarticulate ramblings, you just might be too hard on yourself.
You say that you've been at this job for over 3 years now, is there someone you can trust to ask for complete objectivity and talk to about your fear? This might also give you a good assessment if you're over-reacting.
As for meds, currently I am on them
and have been on many over the past 9 years. How often are you asked to speak at your meetings? If it's only occasionally (fewer than 5x's a month), you may want to see a psych. for xanax. It works immediately and is out of your system within a day (many people use it for flying). However, it is VERY habit-forming (that i can speak for from experience).If you'd prefer pharmaceudical (sp?) free, check out passion flower! Seriously, my younger sister is currently taking a speech class in college, and a couple hours before her speech she takes 1-2 capsules. I've also used it, and if I hadn't already used xanax/ativan, this would be PLENTY strong enough! (Zoey is currently earning an A/B!!!) This is my goal; to eventually only rely on vitamin supplements.
The passion flower I bought is pharmacudically (sp) monitered and is of high quality (unlike what you may find at some health food stores, but it is a little more $). I ordered it at <A HREF="http://www.theroadback.org" TARGET=_blank>www.theroadback.org</A>. I'd also recommend the tart cherries if you have sleeping issues. All three of my siblings swear by them.
Hope this was helpful.
Best Wishes and Blessings,
fischee
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Guest
I heard somewhere that a study was done and people were asked what there top three fears were. Public speaking, death and shark attacks were the top three. EVERYONE gets anxiety about speaking in front of others. I love to do it but still get anxious. Try to squeeze out a little laugh before you speak and enough of your fear will go away before you speak.
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Guest
Do you enjoy and know your job? How many people are at these meetings? Do you know the people?
You are going to be nervous doing this - EVERYONE IS, you are not alone. With time and practice it will get a little easier. When you do the status in front other congratulate yourself and celebrate. Focus on being prepared and if you have to present in front of others you will give your best and if its not good enough or your stumble who cares, you did your best. Its truly all that matters and guess what people usually aren't listening! They are thinking about THEMSELVES, their work, situation etc!!
You can do this and you know that you can. Your other questions and doubts are you minds way of distracting you from the situation at hand, doing your job well! You will be okay and everyone else feels the same way as you! Some people are just better at hiding it.
I know your pain, I suffered in a position like this - but I didn't know my job. And had no direction. It was horrible. I was a joke! Well I guess the joke was on them for paying me to do nothing for 2 years, surfing the web on their dime! I say if you know what your doing, like your job, then THROW IT out there and shoot for the stars And BE PROUD of yourself for that, because its all that matters, if people have questions or confusion they will ask. And you will be okay!
You are going to be nervous doing this - EVERYONE IS, you are not alone. With time and practice it will get a little easier. When you do the status in front other congratulate yourself and celebrate. Focus on being prepared and if you have to present in front of others you will give your best and if its not good enough or your stumble who cares, you did your best. Its truly all that matters and guess what people usually aren't listening! They are thinking about THEMSELVES, their work, situation etc!!
You can do this and you know that you can. Your other questions and doubts are you minds way of distracting you from the situation at hand, doing your job well! You will be okay and everyone else feels the same way as you! Some people are just better at hiding it.
I know your pain, I suffered in a position like this - but I didn't know my job. And had no direction. It was horrible. I was a joke! Well I guess the joke was on them for paying me to do nothing for 2 years, surfing the web on their dime! I say if you know what your doing, like your job, then THROW IT out there and shoot for the stars
And BE PROUD of yourself for that, because its all that matters, if people have questions or confusion they will ask. And you will be okay! -
Guest
just because you have anxiety doesnt mean you have to do things you dont enjoy doing ALL the time. If this isnt your thing its ok to ask for your old position back. I mean let me put it this way if someone said to me I have a great job for you makes 100,000$ a year.....alls you have to do is wash the windows on these skyscrapers.....anxiety wouldnt be what stopped me it would be that I could not and would not want to do such a job. I do agree that we can not let anxiety hold us back from living life but we have to remember that life doesnt have to be a constant battle. Its ok to say no to the things in life you do not want to do. The program has an entire lesson on Assertive behavior and its fabulous. Learn to say what you mean and mean what you say without being defensive or angry.
If you want to stay in this position and try then get yourself into some public speaking workshops and see if you can build those skills and if you really in your heart of hearts do not want to do this type of work then ask for a different position. People do it all the time and not for the reason of anxiety all the time.
Good luck
Dodger
If you want to stay in this position and try then get yourself into some public speaking workshops and see if you can build those skills and if you really in your heart of hearts do not want to do this type of work then ask for a different position. People do it all the time and not for the reason of anxiety all the time.
Good luck
Dodger
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Guest
Hi Wake,
I can relate to your situation. I was so afraid of public speaking of any sort, this eventually became even one on one speaking. We train our behaviors with negative "what if" thinking. I would have a panic attack at the grocery store if someone tried to speak to me for any length of time. I felt trapped. I had the check out girl so scared once they called for the manager and he wanted to call the squad thinking I was having a heart attack but I knew it was a panic attack. I let that experience cripple me and I stopped going to the store and stopped shopping stopped going to lunch eventually stopped leaving the house. My world got smaller and smaller. Don't give in to it. Take what steps are necessary to overcome it. Challenge it!!!! I thought by running away it would solve the problem it only made it worse. Actually the feeling was in me.
I had to speak to a group of about 60 people and tell my life story. I was the Main speaker at the luncheon. The posters around town had my name on them and I felt trapped and couldn't back out! It was to be an inspiration to them but I thought I would die at the microphone. The first few minutes were rough but I got comfortable and wouldn't shut up! LOL! I remember rambling and not making sense in the beginning but I rode through it and came out the other side. I did it and WOW did I grow from the experience. I've heard people say when they skydive for the first time and they are terrified to jump and do it anyway that all of a sudden they aren't aftraid of anything. Their thoughts are, "if I can do that I can do anything"!
My experience was a one time speaking but if I had to do it for a job on a regular basis my first thought would be to back down and quit the job and go back to the previous "comfortable job" that was never going to challenge me to move past my fears. But my second thought would be to find a way to stop this fear once and for all. The program certainly will do that also perhaps to calm the fears by educating youself. If this were me I would look into 'Toastmasters'. The orginization that helps people speak in public. The classes would expose you to other people who are terrified and you would learn quick ways to calm yourself. The panic would subside and off you'd go. One quick fix I used just before I got up to speak (which was after a luncheon so I sat there marinating in panic for 45 minutes which only made it worse) I would think of a worse senario that I would probably never encounter such as: "we'll at least I'm not speaking in front of thousands of people. Or, "thank goodness I am not trapped in an underground mine somewhere with claustrophobia". Sounds crazy doesn't it!? Point being, if I could minimize the fear right in front of me by comparing it to a bigger one it would take the paralysis out of the current situation. Today I have a whole new attitde. You can do it I believe in you.
Good Luck,
Kathleenjh
I can relate to your situation. I was so afraid of public speaking of any sort, this eventually became even one on one speaking. We train our behaviors with negative "what if" thinking. I would have a panic attack at the grocery store if someone tried to speak to me for any length of time. I felt trapped. I had the check out girl so scared once they called for the manager and he wanted to call the squad thinking I was having a heart attack but I knew it was a panic attack. I let that experience cripple me and I stopped going to the store and stopped shopping stopped going to lunch eventually stopped leaving the house. My world got smaller and smaller. Don't give in to it. Take what steps are necessary to overcome it. Challenge it!!!! I thought by running away it would solve the problem it only made it worse. Actually the feeling was in me.
I had to speak to a group of about 60 people and tell my life story. I was the Main speaker at the luncheon. The posters around town had my name on them and I felt trapped and couldn't back out! It was to be an inspiration to them but I thought I would die at the microphone. The first few minutes were rough but I got comfortable and wouldn't shut up! LOL! I remember rambling and not making sense in the beginning but I rode through it and came out the other side. I did it and WOW did I grow from the experience. I've heard people say when they skydive for the first time and they are terrified to jump and do it anyway that all of a sudden they aren't aftraid of anything. Their thoughts are, "if I can do that I can do anything"!
My experience was a one time speaking but if I had to do it for a job on a regular basis my first thought would be to back down and quit the job and go back to the previous "comfortable job" that was never going to challenge me to move past my fears. But my second thought would be to find a way to stop this fear once and for all. The program certainly will do that also perhaps to calm the fears by educating youself. If this were me I would look into 'Toastmasters'. The orginization that helps people speak in public. The classes would expose you to other people who are terrified and you would learn quick ways to calm yourself. The panic would subside and off you'd go. One quick fix I used just before I got up to speak (which was after a luncheon so I sat there marinating in panic for 45 minutes which only made it worse) I would think of a worse senario that I would probably never encounter such as: "we'll at least I'm not speaking in front of thousands of people. Or, "thank goodness I am not trapped in an underground mine somewhere with claustrophobia". Sounds crazy doesn't it!? Point being, if I could minimize the fear right in front of me by comparing it to a bigger one it would take the paralysis out of the current situation. Today I have a whole new attitde. You can do it I believe in you.
Good Luck,
Kathleenjh
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Guest
Hey there Wake:
Your situation sounds exactly like mine. I became a department head approx. 18 months ago. I am competent at my job and am often praised by my boss. However, I have to attend meetings with the other department heads twice a week and report out on various projects related to my program. When I first started the job I told my boss that I did not "like" public speaking and she agreed not to have me do presentations for a little while. However, this year I had to do one in front of about 50 people. I got off to a shaky start but ended OK. Mind you I obssessed about this event for about three weeks and imagined that every kind of embarrassment you can imagine would happen to me in front of my colleagues. My boss was pleased and now thinks that since I managed that I am able to present without undue nervousness. But the experience, though uneventful, tore me right out of my comfort zone so now the anxiety I've kept at bay for the past 18 months is currently on terror alert. About four weeks ago I had a full blown panic attack in a meeting with the other department heads. I began trembling uncontrollably and fumbling for words. To make matters worse, one of my colleagues approached me after the meeting and wondered why I was so shaky considering I was "not in a stressful situation". Well I almost handed in my resignation that day....... but I am a single parent with kids and mortgage so quitting would mean putting myself and the kids out on the street.
Currently my ability to sit through departmental meetings and report out has gone completely. I am pertrified of embarrassing myself again. I've since had to give a presentation and am scheduled to give another next week. I've only been able to manage because a psychiatrist friend of mine prescribed Propanalol for me. Like most anxious people I really don't want to take anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication. Propanalol has worked out to be an acceptable trade-off for me. Propanalol is a beta-blocker that slows down your heart-rate and gets rid of my physical symptoms i.e. extreme trembling. Before I took it I did not believe it would work but trust me it does. Of course, you still feel inwardly anxious but nobody knows because your are not gasping for breath and your chest is not heaving because your heart is going so fast. I take it about twenty minutes before my meeting and do just fine. The other days I take nothing and just live with the spacey feeling.
I plan to look into Toastmasters and Passionflower as others have suggested here.
Please post a response and let me know how you are doing. Out of all the posts I've read your situation is the most similarf to mine. I found it comforting to read your post and want you to know you are not alone. I don't plan to quit my job and encourage you not to quit yours either. If you were not capable of doing the work you would not have been promoted.
Good luck.
Your situation sounds exactly like mine. I became a department head approx. 18 months ago. I am competent at my job and am often praised by my boss. However, I have to attend meetings with the other department heads twice a week and report out on various projects related to my program. When I first started the job I told my boss that I did not "like" public speaking and she agreed not to have me do presentations for a little while. However, this year I had to do one in front of about 50 people. I got off to a shaky start but ended OK. Mind you I obssessed about this event for about three weeks and imagined that every kind of embarrassment you can imagine would happen to me in front of my colleagues. My boss was pleased and now thinks that since I managed that I am able to present without undue nervousness. But the experience, though uneventful, tore me right out of my comfort zone so now the anxiety I've kept at bay for the past 18 months is currently on terror alert. About four weeks ago I had a full blown panic attack in a meeting with the other department heads. I began trembling uncontrollably and fumbling for words. To make matters worse, one of my colleagues approached me after the meeting and wondered why I was so shaky considering I was "not in a stressful situation". Well I almost handed in my resignation that day....... but I am a single parent with kids and mortgage so quitting would mean putting myself and the kids out on the street.
Currently my ability to sit through departmental meetings and report out has gone completely. I am pertrified of embarrassing myself again. I've since had to give a presentation and am scheduled to give another next week. I've only been able to manage because a psychiatrist friend of mine prescribed Propanalol for me. Like most anxious people I really don't want to take anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication. Propanalol has worked out to be an acceptable trade-off for me. Propanalol is a beta-blocker that slows down your heart-rate and gets rid of my physical symptoms i.e. extreme trembling. Before I took it I did not believe it would work but trust me it does. Of course, you still feel inwardly anxious but nobody knows because your are not gasping for breath and your chest is not heaving because your heart is going so fast. I take it about twenty minutes before my meeting and do just fine. The other days I take nothing and just live with the spacey feeling.
I plan to look into Toastmasters and Passionflower as others have suggested here.
Please post a response and let me know how you are doing. Out of all the posts I've read your situation is the most similarf to mine. I found it comforting to read your post and want you to know you are not alone. I don't plan to quit my job and encourage you not to quit yours either. If you were not capable of doing the work you would not have been promoted.
Good luck.