Guilt- Nipped it in the butt

DebDeb · Post by **DebDeb** » Thu Apr 24, 2008 2:15 am

My Mother is a major source of Guilt trips. She
always finds a way to make me feel guilty but
no more.
I talk to her every a.m. and she uses her health problems as a huge guilt trip. So I call her up and she starts with the guilt trip-'You never called me back yesterday' Me; 'Mom, I told you I am very busy at work.' Her; 'but you must have time for one minute?, don't you care?'
Me; ' Mom, your guilt trips don't work on me anymore you can think what you want, 'Gotta go
to work now' Her; Oh & when you come over I need newspapers for the dog;' and I hung up the phone.
I refuse to be affected by this anymore. I try my best and if it's isn't good enough for her than -oh well- she needs to realize that I have a life too & very stressful workdays lately as you all can attest to.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Apr 24, 2008 3:32 am

YOU GO GIRL!! what power! doesnt it feel great to take care of yourself and eliminate that stress? it takes practise to stop 'feeling it' but I know since I have been pushing the guilt away it has made a big difference in my anxiety and stress level! great session! great job deb! you rock sista!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Apr 24, 2008 3:58 am

Don't buy the 'guilt trip' ticket!

I found that lesson 7 helped me so much in dealing with manipulative people. I perfected my responses so that I could walk away with grace and remain unaffected. It Does take practice - but so worth it.

Your mom is probably just lonely and scared to age alone. Does she have friends her own age? Can she get involved in a senior center?

Best regards, Carolyn

epa · Post by **epa** » Thu Apr 24, 2008 4:01 am

Thank You Maeggie

I feel liberated !!
I just can't deal with her chronic complaining
and nagging. Now she will know that things are on
MY terms and not ruled by when she wants me to come-a-running.
It did cause my anxiety level to go up a little but it was worth it!!!!!!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Apr 24, 2008 4:13 am

Originally posted by CarolynEd.Dir.:
Don't buy the 'guilt trip' ticket! I found that lesson 7 helped me so much in dealing with manipulative people. I perfected my responses so that I could walk away with grace and remain unaffected. It Does take practice - but so worth it.

Your mom is probably just lonely and scared to age alone. Does she have friends her own age? Can she get involved in a senior center?

Best regards, Carolyn

Thank You Carolyn,

I almost lost my temper with her but I remained
calm while telling her how I was feeling. It was
really hard & I am experiencing some anxiety over it now but it's more like excitement over changing something that has been bothering me for a long time.
I guess with practice & (oh lordy I'm sure she'll be guilt tripping in the near future) -
I will learn to stay calm like you.

She rarely gets out-so she has nothing else to do but 'nag' me

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Apr 24, 2008 4:18 am

deb,
I hear you on the mother guilt.My mom is in the nursing home and she complains about everything a nigative thinker it is where my orignated but I know it is time to be an adult.she never has been able to get alone with other people she has lived a life as a loner I think she has social anxiety she said crowds always bothered her she said she has panic attacks it is hard for her to tell you her feelings.she is my mom and I am trying to do the best I can.but she is giving those workers a hard time, she doesn't like her nurse she is a little pushy but I am working hard to not let things bother me.but mom voices her opinion anyway.she has been moved once because of her room mate she said the room mate told her she ought to whip her and she cried over it.I talked to the drictor of nursing and they took the nurse off for a while but she is back she is pushing her way I don't know what to do I feel sorry for mom and I have alot of guilt it is a hard task I am working on it they know how to push your buttons

LUVG · Post by **LUVG** » Thu Apr 24, 2008 4:27 am

Originally posted by forever young 06:
deb,
I hear you on the mother guilt.My mom is in the nursing home and she complains about everything a nigative thinker it is where my orignated but I know it is time to be an adult.she never has been able to get alone with other people she has lived a life as a loner I think she has social anxiety she said crowds always bothered her she said she has panic attacks it is hard for her to tell you her feelings.she is my mom and I am trying to do the best I can.but she is giving those workers a hard time, she doesn't like her nurse she is a little pushy but I am working hard to not let things bother me.but mom voices her opinion anyway.she has been moved once because of her room mate she said the room mate told her she ought to whip her and she cried over it.I talked to the drictor of nursing and they took the nurse off for a while but she is back she is pushing her way I don't know what to do I feel sorry for mom and I have alot of guilt it is a hard task I am working on it they know how to push your buttons

Wow you have a tough situation too.
& when they get old and set in their 'ways' it's
so hard for them to be flexible with anything.

Don't give in to the guilt. We can only do the
best we can.
Can they give her another nurse? Maybe she will
be happier with someone else.
My mom has anxiety issues too. It must be genetic or 'learned' behavior-maybe that's how
we got it.
Good Luck and don't give in to the guilt!