Need help please!
Hello everyone!I'm having a problem with facing my agoraphobia.Maybe i should call it people phobia.i have both.Anyway the best way for me to describe it is for instance yesturday I was working outside in my yard with my family and our next door neighbor that I have not met yet came up to the fence and introduced herself to me.The minute that I got one on one conversation with her I went into complete panick mode!I literally thought that i was going to pass out.Scared me to death!In other words I felt trapped.I don't think that she could tell but all that was going through my mind was oh my gosh is she going to keep talking to me and how am I going to get through this?I kinda without making obvious leaned back against a table for security.This happens if I run into people especially if I haven't seen them in along time or don't know them.It even happens when I see my own dad.I've been avoiding him and haven't seen him but twice very briefly in the last two years.This is so frustrating!!!It's just like severe panick out of no where.Can anyone relate or maybe have some suggestions on how to start dealing with this?I should also mention that later on I went back out and went to pick up food with my husband.I didn't let this keep me back in the house.I'm really trying to work on the agoraphobia because I was housebound for two years.Could not even hardly stand just being out in my front yard.I's hard to understand what's going on.Why do I have this intense fear of the outside world?I used to go anywhere and I loved socializing.How am I going to get out there and help people and serve God If I'm trapped with fear in my own mind?Thank-you so much for any help!!
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purpmartin
- Posts: 40
- Joined: Wed Jul 18, 2007 1:49 pm
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Hi Fear not.Now listen to that. Your nameis telling it all. FEAR NOT!! I know it's so much easier said than done. I'm going thru something myself and came on again to read encouraging words on the forum. Instead of reading any I ready your post and will offer you the same advice as I'm doing or trying to. First of all, SATURATE and I MEAN SATURATE YOUR MIND WITH GOD'S WORD! Whether you pick out scriptures in the Bible or come on here in the spiritual topics it's gotta help. I'm so desperate today. I'm fasting and of course I'm starving. People fast all the time. I feel so weak in that area. LOL I like you now feel weak in many areas. WE WILL PULL THROUGH THIS. I KNOW WE WILL!! What you have to do is face your fears. Don't run from them. You made it through with your neighbor, you didn't pass out, you didn't run away so good for you!! The body symptoms were uncomfortable of course. What did you do when you got in the house? Did you listen to the relaxation CD? Did you take a nap? Find what is soothing to you and do it. Take care of yourself the best way you know how. Yesterday coming home from church I was very upset with things with my husband. I started the pacing and not knowing what I was doing but I managed to find a CD player I hadn't used in a while. It had Lucinda's CD "Feel Better Fast". I listened and it was very helpful. I put it on repeat to play over and over. I fell asleep. It was still playing when I woke up and I felt better. Are you doing your program. It is so important. I have been having a difficult time for a while now and I'm seeing what a difference it makes when I'm not doing some part of the program each day. I have completed it but because of this difficult time really see the need. Do you have praise or worship CD's. This too is so important. Posting your prayers, coming on the conference call on Wed. night, all these things will pull you through. God bless you and my prayers go out to you. Will you pray for my husband and me as well?
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Also it does help to write out all your fears. Write, write and write till you get it completely out then write every single thing you can thank God for...your family, your life, your anxiety/dep..yes even that because you will be helping others get thru one day with the things you're struggling now. I know I have all these problems because it is strenghening me in the long run. Right now its awful but this too shall pass. GOD IS WITH US. He never abondons us. BE STRONG!! BE ENCOURAGED. WE WILL MAKE IT!
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Hi fear not!
First of all - I think you should be proud of yourself for being able to (1) get through the conversation and (2) go out with your husband afterwards. Those are two really HUGE acccomplishments for someone who was housebound for 2 years! Good for you!
Are you in the program...and if so - how far along are you? In Session 12 the group talks about secondary gains and what we "get" out of our anxiety. Carolyn tells a really good story about how she sort of accidentally realized one day that she thought she had it easier when she was "ag" (as in agoraphobic). The premise behind that lesson is that we hold on to our anxiety for a reason - like we are afraid to change because the anxiety of "what if I make a wrong decision" or "what if they don't like me" or whatever is far greater than the anxiety that we are stagnating in (without changing). The thing is - we need to stop "what if-ing" and line up our desire for a better life with our belief that it can happen.
I am recovering from anxiety and depression, but agoraphobia is not one of my issues. I wish I could offer better advice! The thing about me is - I used to be afraid to speak in public or even answer questions in class, but through a series of events I kind of got "stuck" in positions where I had no choice and had to do those things. Anyhow - a few techniques really helped me overcome my fear, and while I know that is not the same as your phobias, maybe they could help you too.
1 - God created all people equal. You are not inferior to anyone else and they are neither inferior nor superior to you. When talking to people I would replace whatever scared, negative thought I was having with that thought. We are equal - God made us the same.
2 - Practice conversations. I would stand in front of the mirror or in the shower and practice answers to any questions that I could possibly think someone would ask me. I would examine my facial expressions and "re-write" my answers until I was happy with them. Now, you may not get face-to-face with these EXACT questions, but if you do...great...you are TOTALLY prepared to answer! And if you don't...then you are at least prepared for the conversation...so it won't be as bad, anxiety-wise.
3 - As you said, it IS just a fear in your own mind. These thoughts and fears are ONLY THOUGHTS. They do not control you - you control them. They can not hurt you. They are only thoughts.
4 - Visualize yourself as the heroine! Imagine the situation with your neighbor...pretend (hey - who knows - it MAY be true!!!) that she is severely depressed and has taken all morning to work up enough nerve and energy to come over and meet you - her new neighbor - so that you don't think she's anti-social or whatever. She is trying not to have a panic attack while talking to you. You have the benefit of having learned skills to cope with this...you are more advanced in your recovery and you want to help her get through it because you understand...you have been there. You can imagine yourself the hero! We don't talk about a lot of our problems in our "real world" - so they might not either. Who knows - you may really be helping her...but even if you're not - it's a great confidence and esteem booster!
Hang in there, sweetie! It really does sound like you're making good progress and I'm sure you will continue! God started a good work in you...He's not going to rest until it's complete! You have a place and a purpose in His plan. Trust Him.
Blessings,
Dawn
First of all - I think you should be proud of yourself for being able to (1) get through the conversation and (2) go out with your husband afterwards. Those are two really HUGE acccomplishments for someone who was housebound for 2 years! Good for you!
Are you in the program...and if so - how far along are you? In Session 12 the group talks about secondary gains and what we "get" out of our anxiety. Carolyn tells a really good story about how she sort of accidentally realized one day that she thought she had it easier when she was "ag" (as in agoraphobic). The premise behind that lesson is that we hold on to our anxiety for a reason - like we are afraid to change because the anxiety of "what if I make a wrong decision" or "what if they don't like me" or whatever is far greater than the anxiety that we are stagnating in (without changing). The thing is - we need to stop "what if-ing" and line up our desire for a better life with our belief that it can happen.
I am recovering from anxiety and depression, but agoraphobia is not one of my issues. I wish I could offer better advice! The thing about me is - I used to be afraid to speak in public or even answer questions in class, but through a series of events I kind of got "stuck" in positions where I had no choice and had to do those things. Anyhow - a few techniques really helped me overcome my fear, and while I know that is not the same as your phobias, maybe they could help you too.
1 - God created all people equal. You are not inferior to anyone else and they are neither inferior nor superior to you. When talking to people I would replace whatever scared, negative thought I was having with that thought. We are equal - God made us the same.
2 - Practice conversations. I would stand in front of the mirror or in the shower and practice answers to any questions that I could possibly think someone would ask me. I would examine my facial expressions and "re-write" my answers until I was happy with them. Now, you may not get face-to-face with these EXACT questions, but if you do...great...you are TOTALLY prepared to answer! And if you don't...then you are at least prepared for the conversation...so it won't be as bad, anxiety-wise.
3 - As you said, it IS just a fear in your own mind. These thoughts and fears are ONLY THOUGHTS. They do not control you - you control them. They can not hurt you. They are only thoughts.
4 - Visualize yourself as the heroine! Imagine the situation with your neighbor...pretend (hey - who knows - it MAY be true!!!) that she is severely depressed and has taken all morning to work up enough nerve and energy to come over and meet you - her new neighbor - so that you don't think she's anti-social or whatever. She is trying not to have a panic attack while talking to you. You have the benefit of having learned skills to cope with this...you are more advanced in your recovery and you want to help her get through it because you understand...you have been there. You can imagine yourself the hero! We don't talk about a lot of our problems in our "real world" - so they might not either. Who knows - you may really be helping her...but even if you're not - it's a great confidence and esteem booster!
Hang in there, sweetie! It really does sound like you're making good progress and I'm sure you will continue! God started a good work in you...He's not going to rest until it's complete!
You have a place and a purpose in His plan. Trust Him. Blessings,
Dawn
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Hello!Thank you guys so much for the support.It always means so much to me!I know what the scary thought is.It's "What if something bad happens to me and I pass out in front of these people?"I've had this same thought for over 12 years.It started in a one day when I was out to lunch with my Aunt.We were talking about some overwhelming things.She can be very judging as well as a lot of other people in my life.Anyway all of a sudden I just started feeling like I was going to pass out.I told her we got to go.This was when I started running from my fear and I'm just now starting to turn around and face it.Yes I'm making some progress and very thankful to God for this.I was literally at the bottom.The simplest things were and still are sometimes hard to do.At one point I couldn't even go into my laundry room without getting extremely panicky and feel like I was going to fall over.I'm pushing through.I never really felt excepted by people.Even family.I've always had to try real hard to get people to except me and then half the time they still don't.I wander if deep in my self concious this is why I get this way.It's funny because some of you have made a statement that I look really young.Thank you so much for that.Actually I just turned 38 years old but I feel like a scared little girl stuck in an adult body!It's definately a weird feeling.Thank you all so much!!God Bless!And I wish you all great strength!
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Hi fear not,
When i look at your picture I see someone with
lots of energy,nice smile, wanting to get out there and do things, meet people, experience life. Just start with your yard,you are young and like my son impatient wanting everything
right now.Its okay it will pass, next time you go and talk, with your smile life will come for you. Just work at it, kick that confidence back in. Bye
When i look at your picture I see someone with
lots of energy,nice smile, wanting to get out there and do things, meet people, experience life. Just start with your yard,you are young and like my son impatient wanting everything
right now.Its okay it will pass, next time you go and talk, with your smile life will come for you. Just work at it, kick that confidence back in. Bye
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Hello there, Fear Not:
Believe me when I say that 38 is young.
When I was 38 my husband left me for a younger woman. OH! I felt so ancient!
Hey, guess what? I'm more than twice that age now.
You've still got lots of life left. Believe that. But still, just take one day at a time.
I really did like Prv31Mom's idea. The idea of
imagining that the other person (your neighbor)
has depression and/or Anxiety. And see yourself helping that other person. That is a very good idea. It will take you out of yourself.
I bet it won't be long before you are inviting that new neighbor over for a coffee - or tea.
I won't hardly go anywhere because I don't feel
"equal". I stay at home too much. I'm afraid of what folk will think of me. (mostly its my weight). I think my clothes don't look nice enough on me.
I used to have panic attacks when driving. It was so scary. But if I could talk to someone I'd get better. Just the opposite of you.
But I know how painful your situation is.
I believe in you!!
You will get better.
Bless you!
MJ
Believe me when I say that 38 is young.
When I was 38 my husband left me for a younger woman. OH! I felt so ancient!
Hey, guess what? I'm more than twice that age now.
You've still got lots of life left. Believe that. But still, just take one day at a time.
I really did like Prv31Mom's idea. The idea of
imagining that the other person (your neighbor)
has depression and/or Anxiety. And see yourself helping that other person. That is a very good idea. It will take you out of yourself.
I bet it won't be long before you are inviting that new neighbor over for a coffee - or tea.
I won't hardly go anywhere because I don't feel
"equal". I stay at home too much. I'm afraid of what folk will think of me. (mostly its my weight). I think my clothes don't look nice enough on me.
I used to have panic attacks when driving. It was so scary. But if I could talk to someone I'd get better. Just the opposite of you.
But I know how painful your situation is.
I believe in you!!
You will get better.
Bless you!
MJ