The one thing I have struggled with over the years since the anxiety and panic took over my life is that no one really tried to help me overcome this in the early stages. I just know how I would have handled it if one of my family members had this disorder and wanted to give up on life. I would have done everything I could to save this person just as I would if they had any other type of illness. I would have become their "coach." Instead, I have felt so alone and so misunderstood. My family tends to pretend my problem doesn't exist and prefers to enable me because it is easier. I know they love me, and I know that I have to do the work myself, but it's so hard to do it alone.
A couple of days ago, my 8 y/o daughter took a field trip to the zoo. A big part of me wanted to go. When I talked to my therapist about it, he pointed out lots of reasons why I shouldn't go. How would I handle my anxiety, the crowds, etc.? I left there with the decision not to go, and it made me angry that he didn't encourage me to do it. Being a parent with anxiety is excrutiating! I feel like not only do I let myself down but also my children, and that kills me.
Thanks for listening everyone. Just need support from other people who actually understand.
Kathy
Feeling alone and resentful
Hi Kathy,
I'm so sorry that your therapist discouraged you! I think you need a new therapist! Do you have the program? If so, managing a panic attack is so much easier because it is JUST ANXIETY!!! So what if you are anxious? It's all part of the growth process. None of us will get better if we don't go out there and do the things that make us anxious!
I'm sorry that you feel badly that no one has tried to help you. I can understand that! Part of it I think is that people who don't have anxiety don't know how horrible it truly is (like my husband)! They probably figured, you would just get over it. Try to think positively and say that you do have resources now and you are trying to get better. Let it go and I know it is very hard! I have resentments from 20 years ago and I'm learning that it is the past and I can only let it affect me if I choose to, and it's just not worth it. My life is too important.
My sister in law has been anorexic for the past 10 years and my in laws don't do anything about it. They rushed to the hospital when she passed out and the doc just told her that she needed psychological help, of course my SIL said she wasn't going to some crazy doctor and no one can force her into clinic without her consent. So no help and she just continues and in her 20's she had to get dentures because her teeth just crumbled. It's really sad and it does make me angry that her parents don't do anything, but she also is a grown women who knows there is a problem and refuses to seek help.
I've tried to talk to her (I did so while she was pregnant, I didn't want that baby to suffer, and her water broke at 32 weeks). She told me to butt out, the way she ate was her business.
Anyhow... Please just try to continue on your journey and know that you are worth it and your daughter is worth it, and please find another therapist who truly understands anxiety!!
take care,
Ocean
I'm so sorry that your therapist discouraged you! I think you need a new therapist! Do you have the program? If so, managing a panic attack is so much easier because it is JUST ANXIETY!!! So what if you are anxious? It's all part of the growth process. None of us will get better if we don't go out there and do the things that make us anxious!
I'm sorry that you feel badly that no one has tried to help you. I can understand that! Part of it I think is that people who don't have anxiety don't know how horrible it truly is (like my husband)! They probably figured, you would just get over it. Try to think positively and say that you do have resources now and you are trying to get better. Let it go and I know it is very hard! I have resentments from 20 years ago and I'm learning that it is the past and I can only let it affect me if I choose to, and it's just not worth it. My life is too important.
My sister in law has been anorexic for the past 10 years and my in laws don't do anything about it. They rushed to the hospital when she passed out and the doc just told her that she needed psychological help, of course my SIL said she wasn't going to some crazy doctor and no one can force her into clinic without her consent. So no help and she just continues and in her 20's she had to get dentures because her teeth just crumbled. It's really sad and it does make me angry that her parents don't do anything, but she also is a grown women who knows there is a problem and refuses to seek help.
I've tried to talk to her (I did so while she was pregnant, I didn't want that baby to suffer, and her water broke at 32 weeks). She told me to butt out, the way she ate was her business.
Anyhow... Please just try to continue on your journey and know that you are worth it and your daughter is worth it, and please find another therapist who truly understands anxiety!!
take care,
Ocean
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Guest
I totally disagree with your therapist. How can we overcome if we always hide from the situations we want to overcome in? I am NOT saying it is easy! I have yet to try to fly again & go to the dentist. I started the program last Dec. & am on Session 7. A couple of weeks ago I did go to a walk-in clinic alone (hubby was in waiting room, but I went into exam room alone) and I did fine & was actually surprised that I was fine! It was a good feeling and a little "baby step" towards where I want to be. Please do try again with your child. Who knows? You may be so happy to be involved with something with her plus she will love it so much, you may do fine too & not even remember that you have anxiety! Well, it's worth a try anyway. Besides, with a therapist like that, well, all I can say is, are you sure he's not trying to just keep you as a patient? I mean after all, if they "cured" us, then they would be out of a job, wouldn't they?! Best hopes 4 U!
I think your therapist is holding you back. If you think you can do something, don't ask if you can. That only gives people the opportunity to hold you back. Just think to yourself "I can do this," or some other optimistic thing like that, whatever works, and you should have a great time with your daughter.
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Guest
CautiousKat,
This may surprise you, but I am private counsellor. I suffer, and have for years, panic attacks, and anxiety. I suppose if I allow myself the truth, I am clinically depressed as well. My family cannot understand, and do not understand my role as a counselor ~ who better to counsel than one who has been there. Your therapist was wrong to discourage you. A good therapist, sits upon a stone in the fork of the road and asks questions ~ which road looks best to you, and encourages you to follow that road. Don't sacrifice your children over our ailment ~ from someone who understands.
This may surprise you, but I am private counsellor. I suffer, and have for years, panic attacks, and anxiety. I suppose if I allow myself the truth, I am clinically depressed as well. My family cannot understand, and do not understand my role as a counselor ~ who better to counsel than one who has been there. Your therapist was wrong to discourage you. A good therapist, sits upon a stone in the fork of the road and asks questions ~ which road looks best to you, and encourages you to follow that road. Don't sacrifice your children over our ailment ~ from someone who understands.
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Guest
Hey CautiousKat, I totaly feel the same of everything u mentioned above. nun of my family members really support me. right now im agoraphobic and they act like i can just get up and go out, it just not that easy n e more cuz i feel all anxious and tend to start panicking. I agree with everyone else, your therapist told u the wrong thing, he shud have encouraged you to go, my opinion is to change your therapist. But n e way i know its hard not to have family support but then dont let it get to you, As soon as you overcome this with or with out them it will definitely feel so good. Thats what im trying to do, if my family wants to be by my side thats great but if they dont then oh well, i will still get thru this with the program and with the lord.
Well just to reasure you that u r now alone on this. Thats y i love this program its cuz it there to help us and this forum and the chat room is great to reasure us we are not alone and for us to vent and get help and opinions if needed.
SO thank god and Lucinda and everyone else for this program.
Well just to reasure you that u r now alone on this. Thats y i love this program its cuz it there to help us and this forum and the chat room is great to reasure us we are not alone and for us to vent and get help and opinions if needed.
SO thank god and Lucinda and everyone else for this program.
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Guest
Thank you all so much for your support! You all had the same impression about my therapist. Sometimes I think that he DOESN'T want me to get better, because then the gravy train would end. Also, I just found out he is going through a divorce and I don't think he is very focused. Sometimes I catch him looking at his watch. I hate that! I wish he could be more motivating and push me a little. I don't know why I feel like I need permission or encouragement to take on my fears, but it seems like that's what I need because I don't trust myself. Fear robs you of your self esteem. Sometimes I get angry at the fear and it really helps push me to do things I have to do.
Thank you all for listening and responding! Bless you all!
Kathy
Thank you all for listening and responding! Bless you all!
Kathy
I would suggest maybe you take your own vehicle on the field trip so that you could leave if you wanted to. I have used that safety net often and usually find that I don't need it.
There are good and bad therapists out there, and even a good one may be be in sync with you. You just have to find one you are comfortable with.
I wish someone had stepped forward in my life when my depression began. Everybody buried their heads in the sand and thought if they didn't talk about it, it wasn't real. It was very real to me and I was completely alone. My ex sat by and let me get started on a bad prescription drug addiction that nearly brought me down. My husband now had the guts to stand up and do something. It wasn't fun to face, but the recovery had to start somewhere or no telling where it would have ended. The good thing now is that you can be a coach to others who have the problem and you can help them overcome.
There are good and bad therapists out there, and even a good one may be be in sync with you. You just have to find one you are comfortable with.
I wish someone had stepped forward in my life when my depression began. Everybody buried their heads in the sand and thought if they didn't talk about it, it wasn't real. It was very real to me and I was completely alone. My ex sat by and let me get started on a bad prescription drug addiction that nearly brought me down. My husband now had the guts to stand up and do something. It wasn't fun to face, but the recovery had to start somewhere or no telling where it would have ended. The good thing now is that you can be a coach to others who have the problem and you can help them overcome.