Hi everyone, as my subject line states, my husband and I are related. We knew it when we were dating as his gma mentioned it but we knew it was far down the line and neither of us put much into it. (and if it were a big deal i figured no one would have let us get married at all) I didn't know him or his family until we started dating. We've been together 5 years, happily married for 2 and are expecting a baby in july. This past weekend when we were home for easter the family tree was wipped out and so we found out our actual connection. We are 4th cousins. This has been on my mind since and its driving me crazy. My husband isn't fazed by it and tells me we're really not even related and I answer back, "but we are." I can't get off of this! Our families too say the same thing. When I talked to my mom about it that I was still thinking about it this week, she laughed that I was actually dwelling so much saying it has absolutely no consequence. I wish I could let this go but I keep thinking the cousin word. I love my husband so so much and know that I am being overly sensative right now. I am so worried this will never leave my head. And I feel so bad for feeling this way when I do really know its no big deal. No one I have talked to has freaked when I told them this. I know I'm just in my head with it right now. And I feel bad because I've been so focused on this this week that I have hardly focused on our baby...and everything is healthy as far as the baby goes too. I just want to stop this already and go back to how I was before!!
Please I need serious answers here, I don't need any bashing to feel worse.
hubby and i are related
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Ever see the movie GWTW? (Gone With the Wind). As recently in human history as the Civil War people thought nothing of marrying first cousins. (Ashley & Melanie in the movie). Don't sweat this. You are fourth cousins; so what? What is the more important thing? People now days, due to all the crime that exists (i.e.; 'abuse') just seem to right away think "oh, sick," but think about why you got married. Wasn't it because you loved each other? Yes, it's not good to marry close relatives, but 4th cousins are just not close relatives. Best to you, hubby & baby!
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I know that you feel that there is a stigma attached to marrying a "cousin", but 4th cousins is so distant! In fact, there are 26 states in the US that currently allow people to marry their FIRST cousins! All of Europe allows people to marry their first cousins (good grief - a large percentage of people in those countries would probably find that they are related "somewhere down the line"!).
"Contrary to popular belief, cousin couples have only a slightly higher incidence of birth defects than non-related couples. According to "The Clinical Genetics Handbook" from the March of Dimes, second cousins have little, if any increased chance of having children with birth defects." (Off the internet)
Rudy Guiliani married his second cousin. FDR married his first cousin. Albert Einstein married his first cousin.
Truthfully, I can see where you would have concerns just because of the general public opinion, but 4th cousins is so distant and actually - there are probably a LOT of people who would be surprised at the closeness of their relational ties.
You and your husband are related by marriage which is a bond of CHOICE and is stronger than any watered-down bloodline that there is. Cherish each other for that relationship.
Blessings on you, your husband, and your baby,
Dawn
"Contrary to popular belief, cousin couples have only a slightly higher incidence of birth defects than non-related couples. According to "The Clinical Genetics Handbook" from the March of Dimes, second cousins have little, if any increased chance of having children with birth defects." (Off the internet)
Rudy Guiliani married his second cousin. FDR married his first cousin. Albert Einstein married his first cousin.
Truthfully, I can see where you would have concerns just because of the general public opinion, but 4th cousins is so distant and actually - there are probably a LOT of people who would be surprised at the closeness of their relational ties.
You and your husband are related by marriage which is a bond of CHOICE and is stronger than any watered-down bloodline that there is. Cherish each other for that relationship.
Blessings on you, your husband, and your baby,
Dawn
I have cousins married to each other. They are 2nd cousins. Our former choir director was also married to her 2nd cousin. 2nd marriages.She had told me the one boy was her husbands and not hers. I said he looks more like you than your own son. Well, we're actually cousins so maybe that's why she said. Truly, you have nothing to be concerned about. Get over this and move on. Get ready for the baby and enjoy your wonderful husband. Give thanks over and over.
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Guest
You're in love sweetie! That alone is a blessing many don't have and all are searching for. I think you're only worried about it because of the "stereotype" - but who cares what other people think (and I assure you many people, like myself wouldn't think it was a big deal). Live for you and what makes you happy! Be excited!!!!! You have a baby on the way and a husband who you love! Congradulations!!!!
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Guest
I'm not sure if this will help but it is certainly relevant.
This is from one of my Psychology textbooks:
Ever wondered how much you were related to other relatives?
You're 100 percent related to your parents (50% to each parent)
You're 50% related to your sibling.
You're 25% related to your grandparents.
You're 12.5% related to first cousins and half-siblings.
You're 6.25% related to second cousins.
You're 3.125 related to third cousins.
And finally: you are only 1.5% related to your fourth cousin.
This is pretty much completely insignificant.
You are only 1.5% related....
98.5% of you has zero relation to your husband.
Are you really going to let this insignificant 1.5% of something ruin a wonderful relationship?
Technically, we are all related anyway. I guess I was probably 0.00000005% or something related to my ex gf. Who cares anyway. If you love someone and they love you, then you should be with them.
I hope that helps..
- Beat
This is from one of my Psychology textbooks:
Ever wondered how much you were related to other relatives?
You're 100 percent related to your parents (50% to each parent)
You're 50% related to your sibling.
You're 25% related to your grandparents.
You're 12.5% related to first cousins and half-siblings.
You're 6.25% related to second cousins.
You're 3.125 related to third cousins.
And finally: you are only 1.5% related to your fourth cousin.
This is pretty much completely insignificant.
You are only 1.5% related....
98.5% of you has zero relation to your husband.
Are you really going to let this insignificant 1.5% of something ruin a wonderful relationship?
Technically, we are all related anyway. I guess I was probably 0.00000005% or something related to my ex gf. Who cares anyway. If you love someone and they love you, then you should be with them.
I hope that helps..
- Beat
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Pixie -
I just wanted to add - where I'm from in this part of NC - everybody is related to everybody!!! I moved from NY when I was a young teenager and my husband jokes that I helped expand the gene pool!!! Everything is RELATIVE - literally!
Now go have some fun getting ready for that baby!!!
Blessings,
Dawn
I just wanted to add - where I'm from in this part of NC - everybody is related to everybody!!! I moved from NY when I was a young teenager and my husband jokes that I helped expand the gene pool!!! Everything is RELATIVE - literally!
Now go have some fun getting ready for that baby!!!
Blessings,
Dawn