Feeling Down and confused.

ali04 · Post by **ali04** » Tue Nov 11, 2008 3:00 pm

I was starting to get somewhat better and now am in a slump. I am still on session 6 and taking things slow. I have been feeling really depressed the last couple of weeks and today is really bad. It could have something to do with the time of month it is. I was starting to face my fears etc. but then when I went to the wedding for my nephew 2 weeks ago ever since I have just felt bad. Things were said to me that were so cruel and I let people treat me badly and was to weak and insecure and allowed it. I have been thinking back at the event and now thinking so low of myself that I must come across weak that people feel the power to treat me with no respect and I allow it. I really really want to recover I just am so depressed and have been so tired and just can't seem to get going. i have been so irritable with my kids etc. and feel overwhelmed trying to keep up with everything. I have no one to vent to and family doesn't understand. All they do is talk about me behind my back and don't have a clue how painful this depression and anxiety is. I have a husband that does not understand and I have to reach out here for my advice. I appreciate all that I have received in the past. I just wish I could start seeing results and could talk to myself more positive. i feel so negative and down and have cried so much. I just have to keep pushing forward but I hurt so much. This disorder is so horrible and I would not wish it on anyone ever. Thanks for listening. I also get so nervous when I need to confront someone on something that my heart races and I get shaky in my voice and even trembly hands. Like even if I have to make a phone call to someone, is this part of the anxiety?? I want to be confident and wish I just could get it. I am starting to become an agoraphobic and find myself not really wanting to go do anything, it's hard because I feel so bad for my kids they deserve a good and fun childhood with a confident positve mom. I hope tomorrow is better I have asked god for strength to help me through this. I know he is always there for me!! Thanks for caring enough to read this and all your posts are truly appreciated, I can't say thank you enough.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Nov 11, 2008 3:44 pm

Hi Ali04 - This is a horrible disorder there is no doubt about it... but you should congratulate yourself that you are seeking out a remedy and taking action to change the way you react to situations. I have worn a mask for 25 years and pretended to be a confident person. The fact was I used jokes and alcohol to pretend nothing mattered to me... I have pushed people away that genuinely loved me. However we must learn to focus on the present, put our trust in a higher being and congratulate ourselves for wee victories (i'm Irish so I can say wee).

I have experienced all the symptoms you described... my agoraphobia is getting worse and I just cant bring myself to make phone calls. I get anxious when I hear the phone ring and obsess about calls I have to make... it is really affecting my job. I made some calls today and felt so good when they were over - I was worrying for nothing. I am going to try to make more calls tomorrow and go 1 day without screening my phone calls.

The fact you are part of this community means you have made the choice to change the way you react - you should feel good about yourself. I have started to read some yoga literature and find that it can be useful for positive self talk - I can send you some links if you like. Be kind to yourself:)

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Nov 11, 2008 3:50 pm

I just want you to know that you are not alone. I definitely know what it is like to be confused. You will get through this! I know what it's about to not be able to stand up for yourself when other people treated you bad. I was a doormat. I always wanted to be the nice guy because I thought that was what I was supposed to do and that it would be unchristian to stand up for myself. Little did I know, that everyone time I didn't stand up for myself, my confidence and self-esteem took a hit. Anyway, you can do it and be proud of yourself for standing up for yourself! I'll tell you something that helped me when I was really struggling. It helped me to break the rut and routine of my day. I would come home from work, watch T.V.(usually football) and not do much of anything productive. When I broke the routine, it made me feel like I was doing something, but it also gave me some power back that I am in control of some of these things. I don't have to do the same thing every day. I can stand up for myself. I can stand up against these negative thoughts. I hope this is makes since, but just changing up my routine and managing my time has helped me to be able to do some of the other things in the program better. It has to do with the Time Management part of the program. Anyway, let me know if you have any questions about what I am saying and hopefully this will help some with what you are going through.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Nov 11, 2008 4:37 pm

Ali04, you are far from alone - I just finished the program but it wasn't always easy and some weeks I repeated sessions before moving on.
Whenever I started to feel anxious or knew I had to face an stresser I'd take 15 minutes and listen to the relaxation tape - I probably would have worn out the cd but I got smart and put it on my mp3 player. Stick with it and know there are going to be times you have to take a step back in order to advance - it will all come in time.

-Wireman

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Nov 11, 2008 4:46 pm

I went through periods of time when I tried so hard but I couldn't get out of the rut. I started seeing a therapist who suggested I go to a Dr who specialized in medication. They put me on wellbutrin and then I was able to help myself. People that give you a hard time have a big problem themselves. This weekend one of the national awards I have earned was mocked by a big macho man. Men who act like that are scared to death of the world. They mock people in order to increase their self importance. That night I decided to do my hair in this dopes pompadore hairstyle. You could see he got offended. He deserved it. Some family gatherings are real stomach wrenchers. I walked out of my sisters memorial service. I have always wished that family would be as polite to you are strangers are. When I used to get my period I would get very hostile and impatient. I would act crazy. My sister used to call PMS pound my spouse. The relaxation tapes have done a super job of calming down my brain activity. Maybe you should redo week 3. You're okay, people who are mean to you are nuts.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Nov 11, 2008 5:17 pm

I wish I could offer advice, but I'm exactly where you are right now. I'm glad you use the word "agoraphobic" because I was trying to figure out my problem. I don't want to leave the house ever. I know we have our good days and bad days. You and I are having bad ones right now. If you lived in Louisiana we could at least visit each other and be miserable together.

Sweet Stephanie Sunshine · Post by **Sweet Stephanie Sunshine** » Tue Nov 11, 2008 11:10 pm

Hi ali,
I agree with J Mac, you have taken a HUGE step just doing this program. I noticed also my symptoms got worse before they started to get better. I don't know why they did! But if you got to week 6, you are better for it than you were 6 weeks ago! I can relate to you, my feelings get hurt pretty easily too, but remember this: people that are mean to you are suffering from some kind of hurt too. I ALWAYS try to tell myself when I encounter someone who is acting like a jerk. It is a horrible disorder to have. But know that you aren't alone.
The symptoms you have with the trembling hands and racing heart are normal for us who suffer from anxiety. For me, the physical symptoms are the hardest for me. I really try to use the self talk that I learned through the program, I use the breathing techniques, and the relaxation program really helps me, too. And you know what, tomorrow is another day. I try to decide what my day will be like before I get up, and I've noticed lately that really helps set the tone of my day for me. I know what it's like to have a family that doesn't understand. I try to read posts on here as much as I can, and I just recently started posting, and it makes me feel better to know that I am not in this alone, and we'll all get better!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Nov 13, 2008 3:30 am

Thanks to all of you for sharing such good advice for me. It helps to know there are others who are going through or have gone through some of the same things. We are all here for a reason and to help each other out and the support is inspirational. Thanks again and Good Luck and God Bless.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Nov 20, 2008 5:21 pm

I hope things are going better for you ali04. That's right, we are all here to help one another out because we have all experienced similar feelings. I hope that what I said made a little sense and maybe helped you in some way. Have a great weekend!

-Bama1