Hey everyone,
i've had anxiety for sometime now, but had my major breakdown in march 2007. things were bad for about 3 months, but i was very fortunate to get a therapist who new everything about anxiety disorder as he had been through it..so from the being had started to slowly build hope. BUT i always had the what if!!! so since that time i have come here for support, at present i cant afford to get the program, so have been reading books etc. i have a son who is 2 and for those of you who also have pure O can appreciate the hard time have been through with those..awful thoughts. you all with it all i can see and feel myself get better, but as most of oyu might know one of my biggest fear is the death of my grand mother, and it does help to have moments through the day were we have scares. she lives with us and she is 98 so its only natural her time is coming close to end. i'm so SCARED about how i will cope. i'm SCARED i'll go back to square one..or worst still be put away for losing the plot. i'm scare i'll see things, wont be able to sleep have nightmares, as i have then now, but know i can cope with them. but i'm worried if she dies i wont be able to cope with nightmares. nights are my hards times. i tend to wake up alot feeling confused, heart racing, and feeling extremely anxious, now i tell myslef its anxiety and calm myslef down and go to bed but i'm afaird after she dies i wont be able to do this...! please help! i know that is a thread Ld26angell said she survived the death of her grandfather..if your reading this post, please let me know if you felt the same ways as i did before the death..! thank you all for reading!!
fear of relapse!
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Guest
Ill try to address 2 things:
1. death...my dad died 3 years ago. I thought anxiety/panic would happen but it didn't. 8 months ago bad work stress brought it on instead. Better now. What that teaches us is we cant always predict when it will happen...what we can predict is how we deal with it. As to my dad's death, it wasn't sudden, he slowly faded....that made it tough on him and us, but also easier in some ways as we could prepare ourselves mentally. she is 98 so she will die, we all will die. she will probably die sooner however. but she has had a good life, raised a great family, and will go to a better place.
2. sleep....ah, yes, sleep. panic and anxiety from sleep...been there. you wake up and tell yourself what it is and calm yourself down. try this: if you wake up, realize what it is, and then say "oh, you again. how boring. but fine, im awake, so lets go catch up some reading". then casually go out to the living room and read. at first it may take awhile to feel tired...but over time, your body and mind will learn to shut itself down sooner...the hope is eventually the panic just dsnt happen. Im close to that i think...but if not, oh well, its just anxiety.
1. death...my dad died 3 years ago. I thought anxiety/panic would happen but it didn't. 8 months ago bad work stress brought it on instead. Better now. What that teaches us is we cant always predict when it will happen...what we can predict is how we deal with it. As to my dad's death, it wasn't sudden, he slowly faded....that made it tough on him and us, but also easier in some ways as we could prepare ourselves mentally. she is 98 so she will die, we all will die. she will probably die sooner however. but she has had a good life, raised a great family, and will go to a better place.
2. sleep....ah, yes, sleep. panic and anxiety from sleep...been there. you wake up and tell yourself what it is and calm yourself down. try this: if you wake up, realize what it is, and then say "oh, you again. how boring. but fine, im awake, so lets go catch up some reading". then casually go out to the living room and read. at first it may take awhile to feel tired...but over time, your body and mind will learn to shut itself down sooner...the hope is eventually the panic just dsnt happen. Im close to that i think...but if not, oh well, its just anxiety.
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Guest
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Guest
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Guest
calm change,
The things that are driving this are your thoughts about the inevitable (death), the feelings you have towards it (your fear) and the way you react towards it.
I lost my grandfather due to cancer when I was only 7 years old. I LOVED him so dearly. He was the best. I have so many fond memories of him that bring tears to my eyes. I am glad that I had the opportunity to know him for the short time I did. He was an honest, loving, caring man. I lost my other grandfather (my dad's dad) when I was 23 but we were not close. I felt sad, but it was not the overwhelming loss I had with my mom's father. I did not experience another huge loss until my father passed away in July 2004 unexpectedly. I was so lost and had all these feelings come up; anger, confusion, sadness, guilt, regret. My parents divorced when I was 24 and about a year after that, we did not see him because of his alcoholism. He was a very mean, angry, and could turn violet drunk. After his death, I attended school for a year and returned to work at a very stressful company and completely fell apart within weeks. I needed to quit that job within less than 2 months. I ended up seeing my doctor, got on Zoloft and Klonopin, started to see a therapist that practiced CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). Thankfully, I also found this program once again hearing the radio infomercial. I reluctantly called because of the cost ( I was not working and we really could not afford it). I finished this program back in spring of 2006.
I face challenges of having a chronic illness daily, diagnosed in May 2006 for my first one. Bernie Mac passed away from pnuemonia they say, but he also had sarcoidosis, which I do have. It also is in my lungs and lymph nodes near my heart. I also have hypervitaminosis D along with hypercalcuria (too much calcium in my urine which means I am losing it from my bones), all this goes along with the sarcoidosis. I also have hashimoto's thyroiditis and some blood clotting issue that I am getting testing done to figure out what we need to do. At first I cried, I mourned a "healthy" body and now have all these things to deal with. Yes it can be scary. I can have moments when my thyroid meds are off and I can get occasional weepy moments, so I adjust my meds and get back to normal again. Most days are great. I know I have family and friends that love me, so I am very blessed. Anyhow, I get up daily and do what I can and that is what I do have control over. I have control over the way I feel towards myself, my illness, the way I perceive my situation. I can chose to fear or I can chose to live. What will happen is inevitable and NO amount of worrying and fearing it will change what is. I can focus on positive things like exercise, eating habits, good medical care, being proactive with myself which can improve the way I feel physically as well as mentally. These are things I CAN change! So why spend time on fear and miss out on enjoying my family, friends, outings, sleep, reading, having fun? I am proactively seeking out various non-traditional methods to treat my illness, eating correctly and that is all I can do.
Enjoy the ones you love NOW. There is no reason to fear, what if I can't deal with it. You will be surprised what we actually CAN deal with. The death of someone that is so loved can hit us like a ton of bricks, but that does not have to keep us down. I have learned to celebrate my fathers life every day. I think about him, I pray for him, I talk to him, reminisce with my husband, sister and mom about him, and yes I do miss him even though he was an alcoholic. I imagine he was anxious and depressed and used booze to self medicate. I hope he has found peace. Someone told me that when a person we love passes, it is really not that we are sad inside for the ones that have passed, but because we are left without them, our pain lies in what will we do without them, how can we go on? It is our loss we grieve, our loss that we will not be able to see that person, to talk to them. But we can live, can continue to function and live. We will never forget the ones we love. they will always be in our hearts, in photos we can mull over and remember them for the loving people they were. Just because they are no longer physically here with us does not mean they are not with us.
My Nana is a 4 time cancer survivor and made it out of a blood clot too. She will be 85 next month. Do I think about her not being here anymore? Yeah, I do. But I am not fearing that. I think though how can I be more there for her now? Can I spend some more time with her? Can I make an hour just to stop by and say hi? Can I take her out to lunch or so something special for her? What can I do for her NOW to show her how much I love and cherish her, so I can have those memories and stories to remember and share with family? What can I do for her? That is where my focus is, and NOT on death or what I will do after she passes. I know that I will grieve and miss her. After that I know she would want me to go about my life and live it the best I can. Nana loves me so much and that I love her and that love WILL carry me, that I will be able to function. There is NO square one. Take that out of your mind! I have NEVER seen square 1 since the program. You will NEVER reach that same low bottom of the barrel, you HAVE the skills and knowledge, REMEMBER that! With all the stuff I have been through, and continue to go through, you WILL be able to cope. The fear is making you doubt yourself. You are 2nd guessing your abilities. You WILL take great care of your grandmother, she appreciates it and loves you for it and THAT love will hold you up even though you may feel like you are falling apart. HOLD ON to that love and THAT will carry you! Love and fear cannot co-habitate!
The things that are driving this are your thoughts about the inevitable (death), the feelings you have towards it (your fear) and the way you react towards it.
I lost my grandfather due to cancer when I was only 7 years old. I LOVED him so dearly. He was the best. I have so many fond memories of him that bring tears to my eyes. I am glad that I had the opportunity to know him for the short time I did. He was an honest, loving, caring man. I lost my other grandfather (my dad's dad) when I was 23 but we were not close. I felt sad, but it was not the overwhelming loss I had with my mom's father. I did not experience another huge loss until my father passed away in July 2004 unexpectedly. I was so lost and had all these feelings come up; anger, confusion, sadness, guilt, regret. My parents divorced when I was 24 and about a year after that, we did not see him because of his alcoholism. He was a very mean, angry, and could turn violet drunk. After his death, I attended school for a year and returned to work at a very stressful company and completely fell apart within weeks. I needed to quit that job within less than 2 months. I ended up seeing my doctor, got on Zoloft and Klonopin, started to see a therapist that practiced CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). Thankfully, I also found this program once again hearing the radio infomercial. I reluctantly called because of the cost ( I was not working and we really could not afford it). I finished this program back in spring of 2006.
I face challenges of having a chronic illness daily, diagnosed in May 2006 for my first one. Bernie Mac passed away from pnuemonia they say, but he also had sarcoidosis, which I do have. It also is in my lungs and lymph nodes near my heart. I also have hypervitaminosis D along with hypercalcuria (too much calcium in my urine which means I am losing it from my bones), all this goes along with the sarcoidosis. I also have hashimoto's thyroiditis and some blood clotting issue that I am getting testing done to figure out what we need to do. At first I cried, I mourned a "healthy" body and now have all these things to deal with. Yes it can be scary. I can have moments when my thyroid meds are off and I can get occasional weepy moments, so I adjust my meds and get back to normal again. Most days are great. I know I have family and friends that love me, so I am very blessed. Anyhow, I get up daily and do what I can and that is what I do have control over. I have control over the way I feel towards myself, my illness, the way I perceive my situation. I can chose to fear or I can chose to live. What will happen is inevitable and NO amount of worrying and fearing it will change what is. I can focus on positive things like exercise, eating habits, good medical care, being proactive with myself which can improve the way I feel physically as well as mentally. These are things I CAN change! So why spend time on fear and miss out on enjoying my family, friends, outings, sleep, reading, having fun? I am proactively seeking out various non-traditional methods to treat my illness, eating correctly and that is all I can do.
Enjoy the ones you love NOW. There is no reason to fear, what if I can't deal with it. You will be surprised what we actually CAN deal with. The death of someone that is so loved can hit us like a ton of bricks, but that does not have to keep us down. I have learned to celebrate my fathers life every day. I think about him, I pray for him, I talk to him, reminisce with my husband, sister and mom about him, and yes I do miss him even though he was an alcoholic. I imagine he was anxious and depressed and used booze to self medicate. I hope he has found peace. Someone told me that when a person we love passes, it is really not that we are sad inside for the ones that have passed, but because we are left without them, our pain lies in what will we do without them, how can we go on? It is our loss we grieve, our loss that we will not be able to see that person, to talk to them. But we can live, can continue to function and live. We will never forget the ones we love. they will always be in our hearts, in photos we can mull over and remember them for the loving people they were. Just because they are no longer physically here with us does not mean they are not with us.
My Nana is a 4 time cancer survivor and made it out of a blood clot too. She will be 85 next month. Do I think about her not being here anymore? Yeah, I do. But I am not fearing that. I think though how can I be more there for her now? Can I spend some more time with her? Can I make an hour just to stop by and say hi? Can I take her out to lunch or so something special for her? What can I do for her NOW to show her how much I love and cherish her, so I can have those memories and stories to remember and share with family? What can I do for her? That is where my focus is, and NOT on death or what I will do after she passes. I know that I will grieve and miss her. After that I know she would want me to go about my life and live it the best I can. Nana loves me so much and that I love her and that love WILL carry me, that I will be able to function. There is NO square one. Take that out of your mind! I have NEVER seen square 1 since the program. You will NEVER reach that same low bottom of the barrel, you HAVE the skills and knowledge, REMEMBER that! With all the stuff I have been through, and continue to go through, you WILL be able to cope. The fear is making you doubt yourself. You are 2nd guessing your abilities. You WILL take great care of your grandmother, she appreciates it and loves you for it and THAT love will hold you up even though you may feel like you are falling apart. HOLD ON to that love and THAT will carry you! Love and fear cannot co-habitate!