Old symptom returns

Rhasslariel · Post by **Rhasslariel** » Wed Jun 04, 2008 1:47 am

Last night when I went to bed, I had very strong heart palpitations. The first time I had anything like this was about four years ago, and they sent me into a full blown panic attack. I had gone to the emergency room they found nothing wrong (other than the mitral valve prolapse I've had for many years) and sent me home. I had them the next night again, but this time called fire rescue down the street. There were able to confirm the palpitations on the EEG and I spent a few days in the hospital...again, they found nothing wrong. The panic that caused back then lasted for months. Over time, I came to attribute it to exhaustion. I had only been sleeping 3 hours at the most each night for a couple of months trying to get the house fixed up for my boyfriend (now husband) to move down and live with me. At the time, I was also going through ownership change at work that had me very scared about my job, not so much I would lose it, but what I was going to have to deal with concerning the new owners. And I also thought it had a connection to my going though menopause at the time. Since then, I've had occasional flutters, but nothing more. Now, last night it came back. Coincidentally, I am about to undergo the same thing at work again. I sleep about 7 or 8 hours (at least I think I do) each night, maybe getting up for the bathroom, or when my husband comes to bed. I've been feeling great since starting the program. I didn't really care what was going to happen at work (or at least I didn't think I did). Yes, I was a little anxious about it, but was telling myself that was normal, nothing to worry about. And last night before going to bed, I was happy, and laughing at things. In fact I was laughing as I was going to bed. Then I laid down and put on my relaxation tape. That's when they hit. Out of nowhere. Its a quick double beat, then a pause as the next beat comes at its normal place. It feels like there's someone inside me knocking hard to get out. The pause scares the crap out of me. Actually, the whole thing does...literally. As soon as they start, I have to run to the bathroom. I tried to concentrate on the tape, but it wasn't helping. It seemed when I would try to breathe from my abdomen, it would trigger a palpitation. They don't feel like they're in my upper chest. More from the lower left, just under my breast. And there are usually several in a row. I did take a Xanax (only .25) which I haven't taken in months, just to try to sleep. The palpitations seemed to subside after that, but it was still very hard to fall asleep and stay asleep. One thing I will say though, where the first time I had these, I was sent into immediate, full blown panic mode, this time I wasn't. I had definite twinges of anxiety, and still do this morning. But I didn't panic...yet. And yes, I'm trying to praise myself for that. I just thought that after 4 years, they were gone for good. I don't get it. I was happy, I was calm. Why did they come back. The just makes me go back to my negative thought that I'm not supposed to be too happy. I can't imagine how people out there live with things like angina, or with pace makers, artificial valves, or knowing they have a serious problem. How do they not live in fear everyday that they will just keel over? I know I'm strong, physically, and mentally, I know the mitral valve prolapse thing I do have isn't dangerous. More than one doctor has told me so, as have things I've read. Millions have it most of their lives and never know it. Even insurance companies don't consider it a condition because so many people have it and it requires no treatment other than antibiotics for surgery or dental work. Why did this other thing come back. Its like once I loose a fear of something, another thing steps up to take its place. And its not something I'm consciously thinking about. As far as I know, my thoughts are good. I don't get it.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jun 04, 2008 2:34 am

aww hun., im sorry this came back. and i dont know if you are religious, but i truely believe that the devil throws things in our way to upset us. we have to look to God for help and comfort. I get heart palpitations all the time. all day yesterday in fact. but i just look to God for comfort and safety, and pray against this tough time and He helps me out. So, justrelax, because the more you think about them the more they will come. it will pass and we will get through it!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jun 04, 2008 6:15 am

The palps were most likely nothing serious like they were in the past. Many things can bring them on, exhaustion, hormones, to much caffiene, chocolate, and acid reflux. I get them too, had them alot in the past, but now when I get them I take a deep breath and tell myself these are normal for me and will not hurt me.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jun 04, 2008 6:38 am

There may not be an answer to your question. You might want to ask schnauzzermom how she lives daily with a condition which can possibly be life threatening. She's learned to live with it and get on with her life. You might want to pm her for advice.

There are real situations which cause us anxiety. This is caused from external sources. What makes the difference in whether it becomes a full blown panic attack is how we deal with the anxiety. Recovery is not always a constant in the direction of improvement. There are setbacks or growh spurts which we have to work through. But we do work through them and continue to recover.

So, to your "old" way of thinking that

I just thought that after 4 years, they were gone for good. I don't get it. I was happy, I was calm. Why did they come back. The just makes me go back to my negative thought that I'm not supposed to be too happy.

seek to replace this with thoughts such as "Recovery is not always a constant in the direction of improvement. There are setbacks or growh spurts which we have to work through. But we do work through them and continue to recover. I know I'm strong, physically, and mentally, I know the mitral valve prolapse thing I do have isn't dangerous. More than one doctor has told me so, as have things I've read. Millions have it most of their lives and never know it. Even insurance companies don't consider it a condition because so many people have it and it requires no treatment other than antibiotics for surgery or dental work. It may be something I have to live with. So be it. I'll work through this. I am strong and in time I can lick this."

Giving in is not a choice you want to consider. Any real threat takes time to deal with to see it in a different light and for it to not scare you to the point that you yield to it. But, the only time you can work on it and grow is when it happens. Feelings are not facts. Cognitive behavioral therapy works on the theory that our feelings develop from what we think. Challenging the thought that you could be in serious danger with more realistic thoughts that you are not, over time, should develop new emotions which will help calm you.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jun 04, 2008 7:19 am

You might want to ask schnauzzermom how she lives daily with a condition which can possibly be life threatening. She's learned to live with it and get on with her life.

LOL Don! Here I am eating my salmon salad and I read this!

Well it is something that I leave in the back ground...for the most part

.

Lately I have had trouble breathing, pains, feel tired, achy, have a rash on my hand, etc, etc (I will spare you all the symptoms) that needed to be addressed. With that I mean a chest x-ray (Monday)and I got back home from having several blood test and a CT scan done to see if this crap has traveled in my heart. I also have an appt with my PCP in about an hour. Am I scared? SURE! But I do not allow that fear to encompass me. The key is to keep the fear from snuffing you out. Yes I too thought that trouble breathing was done 2 years ago and here it is again. I thought I was done doing all these CT Scan, xrays, but I am not. I can't control everything and that is the part that I find helps me let go of that fear. I used to like to control things, like my outcome, my success, my calendar. NOT having that control frightened me because then I feel I cannot control the situation (ie: I just want things to be my way without pain, etc.) But I have found that if I go get regular check ups, eat well, exercise then I AM in control. I do the best I can for my health and that is the BEST there is. I have to accept that.(bad Drs get fired though!) Do not get me wrong, I do have a cry day that I sulk or have a moment, but then I need to get out of that mind set otherwise I will get stuck in that damn pit again...NO thanks! Even with how poor I feel I still drove myself to 2 appointments and the post office and will be leaving to see my PCP doctor about this rash and pain. (shingles???

) Pain was so bad last night it woke me up and I could not sleep...that was a little before 2am! Tried to get comfortable to NO avail and came down at 5am

I just do the best I can with what I have got is all. Sure there is fear, crying and at times YES a pity party. That is OK as long as the party is not a 24/7 thing. It happens, I get over with and I see I need to move on and do the things I need to do. If I sat paralyzed in fear, I would NEVER do anything. I was agoraphobic back in 2002 and I do not want to live that again. THAT memory of agoraphobia is one of my motivations to keep pressing on.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jun 04, 2008 10:20 am

Well, as I said, I did notice that I didn't experience the panic as I had four years ago. I had the waves of anxiety over the fact that this had returned, but it didn't escalate. I'm guessing that has something to do with going through this program. I was fine all day at work, but of course, now that I'm home, I'm a bit more worried. Since this comes on at night, and when I seem to be relaxed. I know, just because I had it last night, doesn't mean I will have it tonight. And I try to comfort myself with the fact that there's no pain, or dizziness etc. But then again, I though it was gone for good. I did have more to eat before going to bed than I have been having. But it certainly isn't the most I've had in the last four years without this. I know I worry. And I analyze too much. For instance, on the session 3 tape, the guy says his panic attacks have gone and haven't come back for the rest of his life. Well, unless he died after making that tape, how does he know? He's not old. They could come back years from now, he can't know. And when people say they'll never forget something. How do they know they aren't going to get Alzheimer's or something that robs their memory. This is the stuff I think of. The fact that I hadn't had this in four years was a comfort to me. Now that comfort is gone. There must be some reason it occurs. Its not a normal thing to have happen. Something causes it. When I think of what some people do to their bodies, be it drugs, alcohol whatever, and they seem to function fine. No problems, in fact some are healthier than those I know who take care of themselves. I actually had that little voice in my head last week that started to tell me, 'be careful. You're feeling good, happy and have energy. Something is going to mess that up.'. I quickly put up the stop sign to that, but maybe it was right. Not only am I worried, now, I'm pissed.

Coco2 · Post by **Coco2** » Wed Jun 04, 2008 10:49 am

Your little scare voice has you exactly where "it" wants you to be. Being pissed off, scared, annoyed, resistant of any kind is what keeps all this circular stuff going for you.

Develop a different attitude about the heart palpitations. An anxious person has them....and daily, I might add. See it as heart strengthening exercises. The heart palps are not going to hurt you. Resisting them is only going to keep them there. When you notice them, welcome them. It's OK to have them, you know. They will go away a lot faster if you stop fighting them. Think about it for just a minute. Just the word "fight" indicates heart palpitations. Stop resisting them. You're scaring yourself.

No matter where they come from you can handle them. You are telling yourself that they are dangerous by your resistance alone. Start telling yourself positive things about the palpitations. They really won't hurt you, but you aren't believing anyone who tells you this. So, prove it to yourself by no longer resisting them. See for yourself. Little by little you will begin to trust. (Remember to welcome the feelings that arise by this exericise. Use your breath work to breathe into.)

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jun 04, 2008 12:19 pm

Well, I consider the fact that I didn't go into a panic attack from them a BIG plus. And I'm proud of myself for that if not a little surprised. I say surprised because the last time I had them, that intense shot of adrenalin came simultaneously with the palpitations so I didn't even get the chance to stop and think about it. This time, that didn't seem to happen, though it did still make me have to run to the bathroom. Don't know what the connection is to the palps and having to do #2, but its always been there and I've heard others mention this too. And it also doesn't help when this all occurs as I'm trying to go to sleep. My conscious mind knows they aren't going to hurt me, but my subconscious mind doesn't always seem to listen. And distracting myself doesn't always help. I'm a great multi-tasker. So I can be doing several other things and still be thinking about what's bothering me. I really wish I could just shut my brain off sometimes.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jun 04, 2008 1:30 pm

Hi,
Sorry you are going through a rough time. I used to have those palps too, esp with caffiene. One thing that has REALLY helped was taking a magnesium citrate supplement. I have this powdered stuff called natural calm. You can get it at any good vitamin shop. I have not had palpitations since starting it, it's really helped me.

Take care,
Ocean

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jun 04, 2008 4:34 pm

I actually had that little voice in my head last week that started to tell me, 'be careful. You're feeling good, happy and have energy. Something is going to mess that up.'. I quickly put up the stop sign to that, but maybe it was right. Not only am I worried, now, I'm pissed.

That is the negative voice of doubt. I used to get those voices telling me that...

-it is too good to be true!
-you do not deserve this!
-you will mess this ALL up!

That is old stuff that comes up as we learn and grow into our new ways. I felt that yes it was too good to be true that I feel the BEST I have ever felt. I never had this much confidence, this much trust in myself. I never knew how to say no and when I did at times that voice would creep up and be like "WHOA, you just did what?!!!" I was not used to the new me. Those voices or thoughts of negativity that came up to cloud up my confidence and my progress pissed me off too because I KNEW I was doing what the program said but WHY did that deviant questioning negative side have to come in and spoil it? It does stop...the more time that passes, the more opportunities you get to utilize the skills in the program, the easier it will be and that stupid voice will not be there being critical and questioning your every move.

By the way...one issue down

. My PCP I saw this afternoon said I have shingles

! No wonder I hurt like hell! Got my horsepill (ie: Valtrex 1GM 3x/day) and Motrin IB for pain. It will pass!