Whatever You Do, Don't Isolate!

LynnLuv · Post by **LynnLuv** » Sat Feb 23, 2008 1:17 pm

I was just on another threadline, when the topic came up about isolating oneself, and what happens if you do it.

I have had panic disorder/agoraphobia since I was 11 years old, and of course, I didn't know what it was back then. I am 55 years old now, and I have been a "hermit" at different times during my struggle with this disorder. I have also had some pretty good years, and some really special times, when I was not shackeled by this problem. But inevitably, no matter how well, or how long my good periods of time were; the panic disorder, and depression, would always return, and because of the shame and fear that I felt, I would start the process of isolating myself again. I am saying that it is a process, because just recently, I really realized that it was just that. A process. The symptoms would take over again, as I fueled the fear that increased their strength, by my WWPT (what will people think?), and the shame that always accompanied that thinking, and that process.It made it easier for me to withdraw, and disengage from what friends and family I still had left, and to also begin my self-hating thinking, and behaviors more and more. And then the shame would increase even more, as did the depression, and so I would stay away from others even more. It really is a process. And it has always wound up being detrimental every time I have done it. After a while,my friends and family would become tired, and non-supportive, if not actually angry with me, and then they would fall away, or pull back more. Which just made the cycle of the isolating even stronger, and more pervasive. I am still dealing with the fall-out from my last bout of becoming a near hermit, and it is no fun at all!

I'm just saying this so that if you other forum members are doing this, or are heading into the isolation direction, please don't do it!!Think about the consequences long and hard, because there will be consequences! And the isolationism only makes every other aspect of your disorder even more difficult to deal with. And I am saying this from too much experience!Don't give in to the shame, fear, and anxiety. Reach out to whomever is still there with you, and tell them about how you feel about them. And also how you are really feeling, and doing. Your honesty about your problem can only help in both the short, and long haul.

Lynn Luv

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Feb 23, 2008 2:11 pm

Hi,
i have recently been going through the process that you describe. I feel like I woke up suddenly and looked around and thought, "How did this happen?"

I didn't consciously set out to isolate myself and can't really even figure out exactly when it started. I have been going through some troubled times with family members and grief, and pulled away from all but a few people. I feel that I have distanced myself from almost all my friends and only talk about things to a few of my family members. Part of the problem is that I feel that no one can truly understand what I am going through and I get tired of trying to explain or excuse my feelings.

Oh, well. I hope that by seeing the problem for what it is I will be able to start to heal and turn it around.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Feb 23, 2008 2:48 pm

I am doing this exact thing you are talking about, I am ashamed of it I am ashamed of my disorder I feel safer in hiding at times and then just guilt while i'am doing it i am only in week one I have to return to work on Monday and i'am scared to. I'm afraid to go to my parents house and talk about my problem it seems easier to avoid it. I just talked to my husband about it but i am afraid i will loose his support it gives me more anxiety. What do I do????

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Feb 23, 2008 3:00 pm

I totally agree with you. Im 24 and have been suffering from anxiety for 18 months. I never spoke to anyone about it because I was embarased and it is nice when you are among friends to pretend that nothing is going on. Hiding my anxiety has been a full time job until I decided to check myself into a clinic.
The pain was too much. My partner was really shocked. He is really upset that I didnt talk to him about it, he said he felt like failure.
Since then, I told my family about it, some of my friends and the headmaster and teachers at college (I cant sit in class for over 20min).
I have never cried so much in my life. I didnt get out of the house for a few days.
Now I feel a lot better and the support that Im getting from everybody is amazing.
Since talking to people I have found out anxiety is quite a common and there is no need to be embarased. A lot of people know other people with anxiety problems.
Its no such a big issue as I thought it was before.
A problem shared is a problem halved

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Feb 23, 2008 3:20 pm

One of the problems with having anxiety is that we create more anxiety for ourselves by keeping it a secret by not telling others what we are going through. The frustration of keeping the secret actually causes more anxiety and it makes you feel so alone. When you begin to open up and tell others what you are going through, you'll find more and more people that will say to you "I have that too". There are millions of people in this country with anxiety and depresion so there has to be others that you know who are secretly battling it too. Anxiety tend to run in families, so there has to be someone else in your family going through it too. When you start talking to others about it you will find out that you are not alone.

I was in a walgreen's last year and a woman was rushing back int the store, up to the cashier. She asked the cashier if she had given her her reciept. The cashier told the woman that it was in her bag. The lady replied saying "I'm sorry it's just this anxiety, I am so confused" and she turned and smiled at me. I smiled back and told her "I know how you feel, I have it too". We began to laugh. I noticed the cashier laughing too and i looked at her. She said "I have it too". That shows just how many people have anxiety. There were only the three of us at that counter and all of us had anxiety.

Take care. DeeDee.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Feb 23, 2008 3:39 pm

Thank you for this, I think it's something I needed to hear, er read. My depression, (social) anxiety, feelings of worthlessness & despair have hit an all time high. I don't want to talk to anyone b/c I don't want to pretend to be be happy or have tell the truth... I also don't want to be the "complainer" or "that depressed guy."

Yet why I am I content to entertain suicidal thoughts, imagining my friends & family's reactions... but afraid to tell them the truth now, before things have to go that far. It's time to be honest.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Feb 23, 2008 4:04 pm

I had ups and downs with anxiety. At times I feel Im completely recoverded and then bang! it comes again!
I found that this time it came back because I was feeling depressed. I didnt deal with my depression at the stage and 3 weeks ago my anxiety came back in its full strenght.

Its hard because I dont want to be where Iam. I miss my family terribly, I havent seen them for 2 years. I have to finish the last year of my degree but Im dying to go back to my home country. Im short of money. I think my job is boring. I think everybody at college thinks Im a weirdo and a loner. I cant sit in class for too long and its my last year.I really want to finish this course but Im not happy.
Most of the time I felt lonely.

I started on luvox 3 days ago and I dont feel myself.
Im a mess at the moment but at least all the people that I love are supporting me. It doesnt feel so bas as it felt before.