I've been home with parents for months now. I thought I have a panic disorder, cause that's what it started with, but I honestly think that's not a source for problems, it's the outcome of them.
When I started living with parents, I thought I'd just get my space and deal with my issues myself, at my pace. But my mom would not let that happen. She'd come down a few times a day with something to talk to me about, with a stupid smile... I hate talking like this about her, but the way she carries herself makes me want to roll my eyes at her, and I feel guilty cause I can't always help it.
My dad spends most his time scolding her for something, being mad, blaming her... he got issues. And it seemed like she made me as like a source for salvation... cause often she'd come down... and just stand there... and I'd ask what she wants, sarcastically, cause it gets annoying, and she'd get mad and tell me I've been extra cranky lately... but I don't feel that's true because when I talk to friends I'm much different.
She also sometimes touches me in ways I don't like... though it's only on border of inappropriate. She acts depressed, and it's hard to push her away. But the way she carries herself shows how little self esteem she has, and I feel like rolling my eyes and walking away most times, but tell myself not to.
I've also had a panic disorder for a while, and she knows I can't drive anywhere yet, but still asks me to join her to go places, almost pretending nothing's wrong. Feels like she lives in denial, and it makes me very mad. It doesn't seem like she's trying to help, but rather she pushes me to overcome my problems quicker cause she can't deal with them well. It's hard fighting panic and trying not to 'push her over the edge' at same time.
Also, my dad yell a lot and when he does he looks nearly demented, and I never know when he'll hit one of us. That all causes more anxiety, cause every time he talks to me I feel like telling him to shut the f up and walk away... heh. When he yells at my mom I don't know when to get inbetween before it gets violent... though it hasn't yet.
I know I can take pills, but any more specific suggestions I'd love to have. Thanks, this site's been real helpful so far
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