I have really bad problem being separated from a few people in my life (my mom, my dad and my older brother.. to a lesser extent my older sister). If I feel like I can't get in contact with any of them or feel like they're too far away from me I get incredibly uncomfortable and anxious. Does anyone have a similar problem? How did you get over it?
They're my "safe people" and I feel like I won't know what to do if I can't have them close by. But how do I make myself my "safe person"? Do I just work on getting rid of my panic attacks and then I won't feel the need to cling to other people?
It's like I cling to them because of my panic attacks but then when they're not around I have panic attacks. Not because I'm actually scared of anything in particular.. just scared of them being away from me.
How do I start to feel independent? I'm confused about this to be honest. ^_^
Separation anxiety??
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Guest
sasami
Boy, do I know how you feel. First of all, if you don't mind me asking-how old are you and do you physically live with any of your family or do you live away from them? I ask this b/c my anxiety showed its ugly face 15 years ago (i'll be 38 soon!) when I was 23. I was living at home still and my parents decided to put the house up for sale and move 4 hours away. Since the moment they told me what they were doing I started experiencing panic attacks and anxiety constant. I didn't have a full time job and didn't know where I was going to live. They said I could go with them but at 23 years old, I wasn't used to living in the country on 15 acres of land and nothing around me. (I am from New Jersey-25 miles from New York City!) Like what you have said, I was so scared to be so far away from them. I remember I spoke every single day to them on the phone and drove to see them like every wknd. I really wish I had this program back then. Missing them and then resenting what "they did to me and my life" was so draining. Can you believe just this past year I have finally forgiven them (to myself) for leaving? And my whole family now lives around them-my older sister, my older and younger brother too! I am okay with it now. I don't need my Mom and Dad to make me feel safe and happy, I can do that now. When they left years ago, that meant I would have to grow up and take responsibility for my life and I was sooo afraid of that. Even when I did do that, it was so easy to blame them if something went wrong. I had a few anxiety episodes years after when I had my children and told my mom it was b/c I don't have any family near to help!
There is a reason we cling and believe we are "safe" with certain people. Anxiety occurs in layers and you have to peel away layer at a time to get to the real reason you are feeling that way. It's never the obvious one. Keep trying to figure out what you are thinking or telling yourself about being alone or independent from your family. Like I said-back in the day, I didn't want to take responsibility for my life. Plus, I had tremendous guilt b/c I never went to college like my dad wanted me to. I guess I felt like a failure.
Remember, it is normal to feel this way to some extent. When it creates anxiety and panic, theres probably more to it. Good Luck-you will get over this.
Boy, do I know how you feel. First of all, if you don't mind me asking-how old are you and do you physically live with any of your family or do you live away from them? I ask this b/c my anxiety showed its ugly face 15 years ago (i'll be 38 soon!) when I was 23. I was living at home still and my parents decided to put the house up for sale and move 4 hours away. Since the moment they told me what they were doing I started experiencing panic attacks and anxiety constant. I didn't have a full time job and didn't know where I was going to live. They said I could go with them but at 23 years old, I wasn't used to living in the country on 15 acres of land and nothing around me. (I am from New Jersey-25 miles from New York City!) Like what you have said, I was so scared to be so far away from them. I remember I spoke every single day to them on the phone and drove to see them like every wknd. I really wish I had this program back then. Missing them and then resenting what "they did to me and my life" was so draining. Can you believe just this past year I have finally forgiven them (to myself) for leaving? And my whole family now lives around them-my older sister, my older and younger brother too! I am okay with it now. I don't need my Mom and Dad to make me feel safe and happy, I can do that now. When they left years ago, that meant I would have to grow up and take responsibility for my life and I was sooo afraid of that. Even when I did do that, it was so easy to blame them if something went wrong. I had a few anxiety episodes years after when I had my children and told my mom it was b/c I don't have any family near to help!
There is a reason we cling and believe we are "safe" with certain people. Anxiety occurs in layers and you have to peel away layer at a time to get to the real reason you are feeling that way. It's never the obvious one. Keep trying to figure out what you are thinking or telling yourself about being alone or independent from your family. Like I said-back in the day, I didn't want to take responsibility for my life. Plus, I had tremendous guilt b/c I never went to college like my dad wanted me to. I guess I felt like a failure.
Remember, it is normal to feel this way to some extent. When it creates anxiety and panic, theres probably more to it. Good Luck-you will get over this.
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Guest
I'm 22 and I live with my mom and younger brother (18). There was a period of about a year and a half when I lived by myself but I was only about three miles removed from my mom and 10-15 miles removed from my father. I was also on Paxil back then. But I did have an instance where I was afraid I was going to lose my mind and I ended up spending like a month with my mom.
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Guest
I have experienced that anxiety when I'm away from my boyfriend or when I've been on-site with close friends for more than a few days. What I mean by "on site" is that I'm a meeting planner and when we staff programs, we use freelance people and alot of us have become very close because we travel so much together. With regard to my boyfriend, he was my best friend for 10 years before we got romantically involved and he knows me better than anyone. Also, he's the only person that I have ever really broken down in front of and knows about my depression and anxiety. So when we spend more than a few days together, I go through a period of anxiety when we part because he's been my "safe person" for so long. I too and struggling with the idea that I have to make myself my own "safe person". I've only just started the CD's yesterday, but I'm determined to go through the program and get well.
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Guest
I should also mention this is kind of a problem I've been dealing with since I was 9 (!). That was when I experienced my first symptoms of separation anxiety. After my first panic attacks, I felt scared if I didn't have my parents around. I never learned how to deal with them on my own except to basically cry until I fell asleep or something.
My first panic attacks occured over summer break. I was even scared to go back to school, something I loved before! I never went to another field trip again unless I had my dad along. If I knew my mom was going to be gone for the day, I would fake sick so I could stay home and go with her.
My first panic attacks occured over summer break. I was even scared to go back to school, something I loved before! I never went to another field trip again unless I had my dad along. If I knew my mom was going to be gone for the day, I would fake sick so I could stay home and go with her.