Anxiety returning, help

Rhasslariel · Post by **Rhasslariel** » Sat Oct 04, 2008 2:12 am

Its been a while since I've been here. And a while since I've listened to the tapes. I got up to session 6 or 7 I think. At that time, back in August I'd found out I had breast cancer. I had a double mastectomy (cancer was in right breast, had left one done as precaution). The doctors all said it was caught early 1.5 cm, clear margins and the sentinal lymph node was negative. Going through all of that I was amazingly calm. No panic attacks. I felt very proud of myself. I had my first chemotherapy session last week. I was fine with it. No nausea, it didn't seem to bother me. Now because my blood came back HER-2 positive, they're giving me Herceptin every week. Unfortunately, I've been reading. This drug has the potential of causing heart failure. I've read of people who survived the cancer only to die of a heart attack from their chemo. My doctor says this is rare, but what else is he going to say. I already have Mitral Valve Prolapse. Still I was dealing okay. Then Thursday, I woke up with back spasms. Like siatica, lower back,worse when sitting or squatting than when standing, with shooting pains down my leg or up my back, throbbing in time to my pulse beat. True, I'd been up on a ladder pounding down moldings the day before, but that kind of work isn't unusual for me. Took one Tylenol, sat on a heating pad for a while and felt better so I went out on errands. While out, I was very hungry so I stopped at Arbys for a beef and cheddar which I wolfed down fast. From there I went to Wal-Mart and while there felt my heart start to race. I got home, took a Xanax and tried to relax but it didn't help. I called the doctor and he told me to come in. By that point my pulse rate was 137. They couldn't find out why. My blood pressure was okay, I didn't have a fever, they drew blood and that looked okay. He gave me a prescription for a beta-blocker. By the time I got to the pharmacy it was already calming down. He thinks it was my anxiety about having my next Herceptin treatment the following day. I'm going for an echo cardiogram Monday morning to see if the MVP is worse or there's something else. But now, my anxiety has returned. My pulse rate when I went to treatment was still at 96. When I take it during the day now it seems to be staying between 96 and 100. I don't think it used to be that high. I know when I use those machines in the store it usually reads 86. Now I'm waking up in the morning scared again. I thought I had gotten past this. I was doing great. Now bang. And I have to take this one drug for a year. Listening to the relaxation CD doesn't help now because it talks about being healthy, and I know I'm not. Is there anyone else who's had this reaction from chemo or Herceptin? I know the drugs affect everyone differently. And I know the drugs are to keep the cancer from returning and the benefits outweigh the risk, or so they say. And I know its my lifelong fear of death playing with me too. (Its a phobia really. The thought of death absolutely terrifies me). I'm very aware of my heart pounding during the day now. Opinions anyone?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Oct 04, 2008 2:43 am

Hello Rhasslariel,

I can't offer any help regarding the chemo and herceptin but do want to say that I really feel with all my heart that you are really doing a remarkable job considering all you have been through!!

I also stongly feel that doing the program again from the beginning would help a lot right now to lessen the anxiety and make you stronger emotionally. Start back at the beginning and work on it until you complete it. You have so much to gain from this and nothing to lose. The anxiety will not help you as you go through all these treatments and live in fear of death.
Worrying has never stopped or fixed any problems we face it just makes us sicker. Your body needs to heal and a good positive attitude will aid in this healing and lessen your chances of further illness.

My Heart, Prayers & Thoughts Are With You

God Bless

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Oct 04, 2008 3:45 am

I was just at the store and used the machine they have there. My pulse rate was 99. My husband said that it might be because I was just walking around. I told him I've taken it in the past after walking around the whole store briskly and it was never more than 86 or 87. I waited a couple of minutes and took it again, and it was 98. I realize this is still withing "normal" range of 60 - 100. But its higher than my normal. Could this be an effect of chemotherapy? I know that makes the blood count go down, so maybe the heart has to pump a little faster to make up for it? The doctor didn't suggest that, and I can't find anything about it online. The only thing it states about a rapid heart rate is as a sign of heart disease, just what I don't need to hear. I didn't start to panic (outwardly anyway) again until I had this episode the other day when it went to137. I don't think its ever gotten that high even when I'm exercising, or doing a lot of strenuous activity. And this happened when I was just shopping. That's what scares me. And now I'm panicy again. My friend says I shouldn't be afraid to take a Xanax if I need it, that's what its there for. And I usually only take half of a .25 anyway which is next to nothing. But I haven't needed any at all in months. I'm scared now that the cure is going to kill me where the disease didn't.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Oct 04, 2008 4:04 am

Even if you aren't showing any anxiety outwardly your body only knows you are anxious or panicy and you are releasing adrenaline and other hormones inot your bloodstream during this time. The more anxious you fell the more hormones are released..it just keeps going and going...a viscious circle.

You need to try and stop directing your thoughts to all this negative thinking and calm yourself down...somehow.

Also see your doctor again just to be sure everything is ok..to put your mind at rest.

Try to think happy positve thoughts for now, anything that gives you a feeling of inner peace or makes you smile or laugh.

God Bless

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Oct 04, 2008 4:44 am

I'm thinking maybe instead of starting from the beginning of the program again, I should concentrate on the two sessions for 'what if' thinking and 'obsessive scary thoughts'. Those are my worst areas. I did finally find this online though
"Chemotherapy can also cause a reduction in the number of red blood cells. Normally, the blood has between 4.0 and 6.0 million red blood cells per cubic millimeter. A lack of red blood cells can cause anemia. Anemia is a condition that may be associated with fatigue, dizziness, headaches, irritability, and an increase in heart rate or breathing."
This helps me calm down. I had figured something like this, but I need to find proof of things to confirm what I think. As long as I know its considered a 'normal' reaction to what I'm going through I can deal with it better. I tend to be very logical and scientific in my thinking. There has to be a reason for things. Something has to cause it. Its when I have a problem and no one can find the reason, that makes me anxious because I start to think the worst every time.