How do I Deal with this??

[Karmerri]

Okay, my day was going pretty good. My daughter and I ran errands and visited the library. Earlier this morning, I had spoken to my Mom (who I am very close to) and she mentioned that she did not sleep at all last night. I told her I wouldn't call her, for her to call me later so that if she wanted to nap or something she can. Well, she called a little while ago and I knew something was on her mind. She was telling me about a bill from the doctor's and the phone bill and then she was "worried" about my dad (who was back at work in this heat.) She said he was going to be packing it in with work soon that he was getting tired. (He does part-time electrical work for a construction outfit. He's 67). Anyways, she tells me that she will not be able to come down for my daughter's preschool graduation. She was going to stay that whole week with me and go to the pool with me and my kids and go on some day trips to places. Yes, I was bummed and the "old" me before this program would've become very, very angry even before hearing her explanation, but, I stayed calm and said not to worry, I understand. Well, then she proceeds to tell me that her and my father had a talk and they set up an appointment with a nuerologist(sp?) b/c for a while now my father's head shakes a bit. My mother has voiced her concern about this with me and even their doctor in the past but said she will not be satisfied until he really gets checked out. His appt. is not until the end of July!

So here I am, my mother started to cry (before the program, I would've too) and she was putting sooo much guilt on herself about not being able to be here. I really tried to tell her that everything was going to be okay.

Now here is my question. I am the one who normally loses it and gets worried and emotional about this stuff. (believe me, I feel I am fighting the urge-but at least I am fighting right?) I am not used to my mother being so upset, worried and almost child-like b/c of my father's health. No, she doesn't work outside the home. My brothers and sister live near her, I am the only one a couple hours away. How do I keep my sanity and mental health in shape while helping her to keep hers that way also? Any advice would be great. Thanks.

[Guest]

Hello Karmerri ~ First of all, you are doing the right thing by not getting upset and angry. I am probably pretty close to your mother's age and I see a bit of me in her. When you get our age and our husband(s)are still working (and we're not), we blame ourselves for a lot of things ~ especially when we can't take some of the "financial burden" off of our husband's back, so they won't be so tired and hurting. It's good that they are going to the doctor to find out if your dad does have a problem or not.
Even tho' my kids live close, my husband is the one I worry about the most ~ we've been married 51 years today and if something would happen to him, I would be totally lost ~ I guess that's why we worry, we love them so much.
Sounds to me like you are now the strong one, and you can be ~ you showed that when you didn't get upset when your mom couldn't come to your house. Treat her as you would want her to treat you, with patience, love and concern, evidently she feels very secure confiding in you. Don't be afraid to confide in her as well, you both need someone to talk and share with ~ and who better than mother and daughter. Send her a card and a personal note to let her know that you fully understand and that it is okay.
Look how much the program has done for you!!! You are doing great, be patient with yourself and keep up with the program. My prayers will be with you and your mother. Blessings, Judy

[Guest]

Judy,

I can't tell you how much your response helped me, especially when you told me you may be close to my mom's age and I started to think from her point of view. Yes, the program has helped and I really do feel stronger. Thanks for your prayers and your response.

Karla