hey everyone
i wrote a post last night about "sex-or lack of with partner" and bascially have decided that although my bf is so understanding of my problems, my mum has just reaffirmed what i already kinda thought.. my bf is much less affectionate, thoughtfull etc towards me and i have asked him to change it but i am still unhappy.
i feel that i cant deal with feeling rejected while my anxiety stems from disliking myself and i sent him a message saying dont come round please tonight, i dont want us to see each other until everything is back to how it was.
now i feel mean but i think its the right decision cause its making me feel worse.
the problem is, now i am so sick .. bad yummy, feel sick etc.. all cause i dont wanna be on my own and stuff. i just wanna be strong enough to say, im not happy and look out for myself but its hard. i just want the romance back and am finding myself becoming bitter with him because he has kinda changed with me due to his stresses.
what can i do to get through this so i dont spiral into panicy hell??
breakup with boyfriend on the cards, hate feeling this way, hate being alone
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Guest
Hi, dear,
I don't really know what to offer you. I just wanted to write to tell you that I read your post and feel your pain. I've felt like you describe -- and I've been married for 17 years! I don't know your entire story, but I do know that at my worst periods of depression and anxiety, I really depended on my husband to build me up emotionally. I expected him -- desperately needed him -- to like me/love me even when I did not like/love myself. And yet my anxiety and anger were spiraling out of control, and he, obviously, felt he got the brunt of it. Not only was I not very likable/loveable, but I blamed him for not showing me that he did love me.
Anyway, long story short, we were close to separating before I got help for my depression. And, nothing against my spouse -- he'd been through a lot of fights with me accusing him of not taking care of me/loving me the "right" way -- but my mother ended up being my best support. And I see that you must be close with your mom, so that chimed with me too.
I buy the program's claim that you need to develop into being your own "safe" person, but cheerleaders are always appreciated.
Again, I really don't have much to offer except that without a cloud of panic it is easier to see the lay of the land. What I saw was that after I was able to put aside some of my anxieties and depression (through medication, basically) I no longer saw my spouse as my enemy. Now, I want to learn how to do that for myself without medication and to conquer those self-defeating and relationship-defeating attitudes I have.
I hope you can use some of the techniques in this program to calm your panic. You can live through this and things will get better!
I don't really know what to offer you. I just wanted to write to tell you that I read your post and feel your pain. I've felt like you describe -- and I've been married for 17 years! I don't know your entire story, but I do know that at my worst periods of depression and anxiety, I really depended on my husband to build me up emotionally. I expected him -- desperately needed him -- to like me/love me even when I did not like/love myself. And yet my anxiety and anger were spiraling out of control, and he, obviously, felt he got the brunt of it. Not only was I not very likable/loveable, but I blamed him for not showing me that he did love me.
Anyway, long story short, we were close to separating before I got help for my depression. And, nothing against my spouse -- he'd been through a lot of fights with me accusing him of not taking care of me/loving me the "right" way -- but my mother ended up being my best support. And I see that you must be close with your mom, so that chimed with me too.
I buy the program's claim that you need to develop into being your own "safe" person, but cheerleaders are always appreciated.
Again, I really don't have much to offer except that without a cloud of panic it is easier to see the lay of the land. What I saw was that after I was able to put aside some of my anxieties and depression (through medication, basically) I no longer saw my spouse as my enemy. Now, I want to learn how to do that for myself without medication and to conquer those self-defeating and relationship-defeating attitudes I have.
I hope you can use some of the techniques in this program to calm your panic. You can live through this and things will get better!