New Relationship

BronzeStar45 · Post by **BronzeStar45** » Sat Jan 03, 2009 7:50 am

I was doing great with my anxiety, then all of a sudden I met a girl and we started a great friendship. The relationship has bloomed and now I am feeling my Anxiety/OCD kick in really bad again, I feel like Im going crazy, out of touch with reality and Im not sure why. Would a new relationship spark this?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jan 03, 2009 8:19 am

Hi:
Almost a year ago, after ending a 10 year engagement, I started in a new relationship with a man who was unlike anyone I'd ever met before.

It was right around the time my anxiety took on a new form, and scary and obsessive thoughts began to rule almost every minute of every day.

I never stopped to consider that meeting him might have sparked what happened, until now. Even as I type this, I can't answer the question. However, I can tell you that I thoroughly relate to what you're feeling.

As he and I near our first anniversary, I can assure you that the burst of nervousness and anxiety that surfaced around the time we met has passed. We're still going strong and will probably get married sometime later this year.

It could be that you're feeling uncertain. What if she finds out about my problems? Would she still be so interested in me? While telling her might not be the answer, coming up with an answer to those questions might help you a lot.

~Lynnier

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jan 04, 2009 12:18 pm

Thank you. I was engaged 2 1/2 years ago and it borke off from her being unfaithful. I was in a brief relationship a year later but that ended from how bad my anxiety was, she & I just couldnt take it. I finally met someone I truly care about and am falling in love with and now I have the Obsessive thoughts, disalusions, feeling like I dont know what Im thinking, out of control, its terrible. I am avoiding her and I know it is going to push her away. I feel like I am going to be destined to be alone. I feel like I could snap at any second.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 09, 2009 12:24 pm

I can definately identify with you. I was engaged to a man for 3 years and we broke up 5 years ago. I called the wedding off because I had many doubts and also started getting panic attacks. We broke up. I always felt a little anxious most of the time since then. I have been in a relationship for 4 years with a wonderful man whom I love. I want to be with him and I love the way I feel when I am with him. However, I moved in with my boyfriend 9 months ago and ever since I get scary obsessive thoughts about what if this relationship doesn't work out?, what if its not right?, what if the same thing that happened before with my ex happens again?.. I know deep down that its not true and that I love him...and i know these are just scary, obsessive thoughts...but then i think was if deepdown its true...I know its not..i wish I could just shut it off...Its affecting our relationship too...I overreact to everything and am very sensitive. I am getting better and when I use my skills and sometimes I don't have the scary thoughts for a month but then it comes back...I feel better already just putting this in writing and getting it off my chest. Thanks for listening and sorry for rambling.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 09, 2009 12:35 pm

The healthier YOU become, the more healthy and satisfying your relationships will be. It isn't the new relationship which sparked your feelings, it is the way you think about it. Stay with your program. One of these days you will be the healthy person who has healthy relationships. In the meantime, here are a few things that make for good relationships (with anyone):
1. Don't blame.
2. Be grateful.
3. Be kind when you speak.
4. See their best traits.
5. Speak clearly.
6. Be trustful.
7. Be generous with hugs, and mean it.
These are just a few mindful things that grow good relations.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 09, 2009 4:05 pm

I agree with Pecos...and one thing I learned about 9 years after I was married you can not always be worried, anxious or jealous about what the other is doing because it only leads to bad fights and left me feeling denided, helpless and hopeless....besides whatever your worried they MIGHT do will happen no matter how you feel...thats why it is better to live like Pecos says. I have now been married for 14 years. Best of luck...

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jan 10, 2009 11:37 am

To Pecos -- You have such a kind heart and great outlook. I've read a couple of your other posts, too. Thanks for the advice above -- I will try to apply it to my relationship with my husband of 17 years (the spark is gone, we've been through a lot emotionally over the years with his depression, my anxiety, and our son's ADD and anxiety). Sometimes I just want to walk away, but I hang on for some reason. This gives me hope. Maybe deep down I still love him and we just need to reignite the passion somehow.

This is a great topic and I'd love to hear more from you and others if you have any advice!