Freaked about going to visit friends
Help!!!!! I need as much advice as possible. A couple weeks ago some friends of my husband and I invited us to come to their house this Saturday(3/29) for a nice lunch. They wanted to do something nice for us. They have this entire meal/theme planned out where they are going to decorate and have different foods for us to eat etc. They are doing a lot to create this "experience" for us. It sounds like it's going to be soooo much fun. However, they live about an hour away and we have to get on the highway to get there. Today my husband said "Start telling yourself that you'll be fine so by Saturday you won't get so anxious." He said that they are going through a lot of trouble and we shouldn't cancel on them. My hubby has been so supportive and encouraging of me. I have dragged him to countless ER visits, cancelled numerous events and he has been so patient, never getting angry with me. I know I'll be fine once I get there, it's just when I'm in the car I get extremely hot, nauseous, heart racing and it feels like I can't breathe. If I cancel this, I will be disappointing not only myself but other people as well. I would appreciate any feedback, tips, or opinions that helped you on long trips. I can't believe this, prior to a year ago we used to drive everywhere!!!! 12 hours to Myrtle Beach, Niagra Falls, Hilton Head South Carolina etc. and now I can't even be a passenger on a 1 hour drive. I feel terrible
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monty'smom
- Posts: 151
- Joined: Thu Sep 04, 2008 3:14 pm
What about bringing your relaxation CD along for the ride? You said your husband is supportive, so maybe he won't mind listening to Lucinda walk with you through the forest (:)) for an hour - you just have to play the session 4 times. And maybe after each session he could stop the car somewhere so you could get something to drink or stretch your legs a bit.
You said yourself that this sounds like fun (it does! I'm jealous!!
) and that you'll be fine once you get there! Just remember that anxiety and excitement are kind of the same emotion - it's just the lenses we are looking at the event through that are different!
Turn on the A/C (or roll down the window), put on your shades, kick back the seat a bit, pop in that CD, and ride, girlfriend! You will be OK. You can do this!
And then tell yourself how you can get on here and post your success!!! We'll all be cheering for you!
Blessings,
Dawn
You said yourself that this sounds like fun (it does! I'm jealous!!
) and that you'll be fine once you get there! Just remember that anxiety and excitement are kind of the same emotion - it's just the lenses we are looking at the event through that are different!Turn on the A/C (or roll down the window), put on your shades, kick back the seat a bit, pop in that CD, and ride, girlfriend! You will be OK. You can do this!
And then tell yourself how you can get on here and post your success!!! We'll all be cheering for you!
Blessings,
Dawn
BELIEVE YOU CAN CONQUER ANYTHING~ AND YOU WILL !! I DID IT, YES !!!!!
jamika,
you are having what lucinda called antisipatory anxiety. hope the spelling is correct..you are already worring that you will panic and can not breath and have not even got in the car to go until saturday and youwill need to calm yyourself down and breath and listen to the relaxitation cd.you can do it and you know how to use the tools and skills in the program..your husband will be there to help you if you need him..roll down the windows a little and go for it. i was like you for years and i know how you feel. but if you do it this time then before long you will be driving the 12 hours to the beach again..i did it and so can you..hang in there and pray for strength and we will be praying for you as well..
i remember jennifer a few weeks ago had to drive over bridges and even went to see her mom. and now she is working and doing good.why because she did not let the panic and anxiety atand in here way.
mimi went and had a MRI done last week and did fine. why because of prayer and others praying for her.
if they can do it so can you..be blessed and be strong..
don
you are having what lucinda called antisipatory anxiety. hope the spelling is correct..you are already worring that you will panic and can not breath and have not even got in the car to go until saturday and youwill need to calm yyourself down and breath and listen to the relaxitation cd.you can do it and you know how to use the tools and skills in the program..your husband will be there to help you if you need him..roll down the windows a little and go for it. i was like you for years and i know how you feel. but if you do it this time then before long you will be driving the 12 hours to the beach again..i did it and so can you..hang in there and pray for strength and we will be praying for you as well..
i remember jennifer a few weeks ago had to drive over bridges and even went to see her mom. and now she is working and doing good.why because she did not let the panic and anxiety atand in here way.
mimi went and had a MRI done last week and did fine. why because of prayer and others praying for her.
if they can do it so can you..be blessed and be strong..
don
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Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves...
who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?
Actually, who are we not to be? --Unknown
*****************************************
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Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves...
who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?
Actually, who are we not to be? --Unknown
*****************************************
[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v649/TheOneAndOnlyDerfy/sigsAvatarsEtc/loveyouguysWave.gif[/IMG] [IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v649/TheOneAndOnlyDerfy/sigsAvatarsEtc/ValHeartsSmiHug.gif[/IMG] [IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v649/TheOneAndOnlyDerfy/SigTags/LynneCocoaMo-1-1.jpg[/IMG]
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Guest
Thanks Dawn!!! The relaxation cd and the shades are a great idea. I just wonder if it will make my husband too relaxed and he falls asleep at the wheel. LOL!!! This would be such an accomplishment.
Don you always know exactly what to say because you have already overcome my present obstacles. Thank you!!!
Don you always know exactly what to say because you have already overcome my present obstacles. Thank you!!!
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Guest
Hi,
I have the same issues you have regarding travel, and really what helps me is knowing that I have a choice. I know your friends are trying to show you their love. It does sound like fun, and I think for me, to focus on the love and fun is a way to help me get there with the lessons from this program. At the same time, for me, I have to know that I have a choice. I would thank your husband for being supportive, and then let him know that it's very important for you to know that you have a choice. Tell him, if you really do want to go, that you are going to make every effort to try, but tell him that getting mad at you if you feel like you can't make it probably won't help you. You need to know that no matter what, it's going to be O.K. I was able to travel with my husband a few months ago over an hour away because he had that attitude that it was O.K. either way. It was for his job interview, and he just kept saying that he believed in me, but if I was having a hard time, he wasn't going to force me. The love and freedom was what got me there.
There's no physical reason you can't go though, and having really soothing self talk is also a key. In that self talk you may want to include that this is something that you want to do because you want to have fun, that it's no big deal, that you can come and go as you please, that you can turn around any time you don't feel well, that you can go home early if you don't feel well, etc., and that you should give yourself credit for trying. Saying it's no big deal can really get you pretty far-is what I have found:). You say you want to go, and I believe you, so just make sure that you do really want to go, and aren't just doing it out of guilt or something because of what your husband said about them going through all the trouble. Guilt is just never a good motivation.
I believe from what you said, that your friends want to have fun with you. I don't think they are looking at it is as "going through a lot of trouble." If they are doing it to show you their love, then if for some reason you couldn't come, it would just be disappointing for them because they wanted to enjoy your company. I mean things happen. People get sick. It could rain on an outdoor party. That's it though. It would just be a missed social opportunity and disappointing, but those are the only consequences. I just really don't think putting pressure on yourself by saying that they are going through so much trouble will be the best way to motivate you. I mean it doesn't work for me.
Your husband just wanted y'all to be able to go and have fun. I don't think he meant to be
unsupportive, so just telling him that you need support whether you go or not may help you actually go.
Have you practiced? I know for my husband's job interview, a week before we had thought we were going to go on a interview several hours a way. We had to take our son with autism and our dog. It went horribly because of our son, and we weren't able to make it, but the practice of getting in the car and thinking that I was going to have to travel so far away actually helped me practice to go on the next interview that was a success:).
So, that's great that you want to try, and I do believe that you can do it with loving support, the right motivations, and with practice of the skills you've learned in this program. I hope I said something that helped.
Take Care,
luvpiggy
I have the same issues you have regarding travel, and really what helps me is knowing that I have a choice. I know your friends are trying to show you their love. It does sound like fun, and I think for me, to focus on the love and fun is a way to help me get there with the lessons from this program. At the same time, for me, I have to know that I have a choice. I would thank your husband for being supportive, and then let him know that it's very important for you to know that you have a choice. Tell him, if you really do want to go, that you are going to make every effort to try, but tell him that getting mad at you if you feel like you can't make it probably won't help you. You need to know that no matter what, it's going to be O.K. I was able to travel with my husband a few months ago over an hour away because he had that attitude that it was O.K. either way. It was for his job interview, and he just kept saying that he believed in me, but if I was having a hard time, he wasn't going to force me. The love and freedom was what got me there.
There's no physical reason you can't go though, and having really soothing self talk is also a key. In that self talk you may want to include that this is something that you want to do because you want to have fun, that it's no big deal, that you can come and go as you please, that you can turn around any time you don't feel well, that you can go home early if you don't feel well, etc., and that you should give yourself credit for trying. Saying it's no big deal can really get you pretty far-is what I have found:). You say you want to go, and I believe you, so just make sure that you do really want to go, and aren't just doing it out of guilt or something because of what your husband said about them going through all the trouble. Guilt is just never a good motivation.
I believe from what you said, that your friends want to have fun with you. I don't think they are looking at it is as "going through a lot of trouble." If they are doing it to show you their love, then if for some reason you couldn't come, it would just be disappointing for them because they wanted to enjoy your company. I mean things happen. People get sick. It could rain on an outdoor party. That's it though. It would just be a missed social opportunity and disappointing, but those are the only consequences. I just really don't think putting pressure on yourself by saying that they are going through so much trouble will be the best way to motivate you. I mean it doesn't work for me.
Your husband just wanted y'all to be able to go and have fun. I don't think he meant to be
unsupportive, so just telling him that you need support whether you go or not may help you actually go.
Have you practiced? I know for my husband's job interview, a week before we had thought we were going to go on a interview several hours a way. We had to take our son with autism and our dog. It went horribly because of our son, and we weren't able to make it, but the practice of getting in the car and thinking that I was going to have to travel so far away actually helped me practice to go on the next interview that was a success:).
So, that's great that you want to try, and I do believe that you can do it with loving support, the right motivations, and with practice of the skills you've learned in this program. I hope I said something that helped.
Take Care,
luvpiggy
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Guest
Luvpiggy you are so right!!!! I need to have a choice. I think the guilty feelings are what makes me so anxious anytime I have to go somewhere. That is NOT good motivation because I feel like I'm being forced to do something, even if it is something that I really want to do, I need the choice to change my mind if I want to and know that either way, everything will still be alright. Your words were very valuabe to me and I never thought of it this way before. That's why I decided to ask for help from the people who understand exactly what I'm going through. You are my friends 
P.S. I will try that practice drive too!
P.S. I will try that practice drive too!