Hi all
I posted this somewhere else but didn't get too much attention.
I get the strong feeling of guilt that I should be spending more time on my dissertation. I'm at a PhD program and people around me are very competitive. They seem to be working all the time or that's the impression they make. whenever I do other things, for pleasure, watch a movie, do sports even, I can make myself feel really awful and beat myself up for not working enough.
Part of me knows that with this kind of creative work you simply cannot work efficiently all the time. It is like with writers or artists. You need a break. If I work effectively (and that means actually getting things done) 4 hours a day, I consider that a success. Can anyone relate to that? Thanks for any replies.
I feel guilty for not working enough
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Guest
Sure, we can relate:). There's a saying, "When you compare yourself to others, you either feel better or worse." So, that's what's happening. I mean, it is important for you to have some type of tentative goals and guidelines when working on your dissertation. You need some type of structure. Sometimes that may mean that you'll work when you don't feel as much like it, but at the same time, you won't beat yourself up for adding breaks and pleasures into your time when it is time to take a break within that structure . Decide how much time is reasonable to work on your dissertation each day. If you have a forty hour a week goal, then plan your breaks into the rest of the hours of the week, and don't beat yourself up for it or feel guilty. I do have a Master's degree, and I didn't have to do a thesis, but I watched my husband struggle with his for years so I know that there are going to be times when you are more inspired then others. Just try to make allowance for that. If one week you slack off, know that the next week you may be more inspired.
Yes, it's hard to be an artist:), but I am a Christian who believes that God gives us all unique talents. Some people's callings go with the 9 to 5 structure, and some don't, but that doesn't mean that they are less important or some how wrong for not fitting into that structure.
Also, who's paying for your school? If it's your parents, just ask them what their expectations are time wise. If it's you, then look at what's a reasonable time line and roughly how much you will need to work each day to meet that goal. Find out what the consequences are to taking longer. Is it more debt? Are you prepared for those consequences, etc.? Just be aware that you are an adult who is making choices. Adults don't beat themselves up, but they make their choices and deal with the consequences for those choices. If you decide that taking longer is worth the consequences of debt for example, then it is your choice that you had every right to make, you know?:) If you have a fellowship, just follow the guidelines for the requirements. Just give yourself some type of structure, and only you can give yourself a break. You have to be the one to put the limits on how much time you work and don't work. No one else can make you feel guilty, so you have to decide why you are being so hard on yourself. If you are looking at the structure and realizing you aren't going to meet certain goals, then instead of feeling guilty, decide what changes you can implement to change the situation. If you are going to meet the requirements and are making some type of progress, then stop feeling guilty:). You only get to do this once in your life:). I recommend staying in college for as long as possible personally:), but that's just me. Life got really hard afterwards:). I have a child with autism, and I don't work right now, but I do have a structure to my day and life. My life is actually better for our family when I'm not working, but do work on art projects and writing, and I do understand how the lack of structure can make you beat yourself up. I'm getting better at it:).
Take Care,
luvpiggy
Yes, it's hard to be an artist:), but I am a Christian who believes that God gives us all unique talents. Some people's callings go with the 9 to 5 structure, and some don't, but that doesn't mean that they are less important or some how wrong for not fitting into that structure.
Also, who's paying for your school? If it's your parents, just ask them what their expectations are time wise. If it's you, then look at what's a reasonable time line and roughly how much you will need to work each day to meet that goal. Find out what the consequences are to taking longer. Is it more debt? Are you prepared for those consequences, etc.? Just be aware that you are an adult who is making choices. Adults don't beat themselves up, but they make their choices and deal with the consequences for those choices. If you decide that taking longer is worth the consequences of debt for example, then it is your choice that you had every right to make, you know?:) If you have a fellowship, just follow the guidelines for the requirements. Just give yourself some type of structure, and only you can give yourself a break. You have to be the one to put the limits on how much time you work and don't work. No one else can make you feel guilty, so you have to decide why you are being so hard on yourself. If you are looking at the structure and realizing you aren't going to meet certain goals, then instead of feeling guilty, decide what changes you can implement to change the situation. If you are going to meet the requirements and are making some type of progress, then stop feeling guilty:). You only get to do this once in your life:). I recommend staying in college for as long as possible personally:), but that's just me. Life got really hard afterwards:). I have a child with autism, and I don't work right now, but I do have a structure to my day and life. My life is actually better for our family when I'm not working, but do work on art projects and writing, and I do understand how the lack of structure can make you beat yourself up. I'm getting better at it:).
Take Care,
luvpiggy