What a day...

[GI822]

So I've been off work for the last couple weeks due to my anxiety. I live with my boyfriend and have been receiving short term disability as my income. I didn't want to tell my parents because I didn't want them to worry about me and add any stress in their life.

Well today my mom emailed me at work to call her. I always check my work email everyday from home but this morning I didn't get a chance too. Well my mom decided to call my work and they told her I've been out of work. Well I was upstairs and heard a banging on my front door. It was my mom. I let her in and she sat down and I explained what was going on. She was upset and began to cry. We have history in my family of anxiety and depression so she is worried.

I hadn't cleaned my house that day when she came so she immediately got me moving to clean. We did a heavy duty clean, on top of the fridge, scrubbing the floors on our hands and knees, cleaning the stove, anything you can imagine. She made me drive her to the store to buy more cleaning supplies. She wants me to do the upstairs just as good and then she will be returning on Thursday to check my progress.

I actually happy someone came over and kicked my a** into gear. My boyfriend doesn't have that power over me but my parents do. I now find myself questioning whether being here is the best place for me. I mean I've been bouncing so many things around in my mind since I've been off. Do I like my job, should I go back to school, should I move etc... I know if I went home to live with my parents again they wouldn't let me get away with my agoraphobia and me feeling like I can't do everything.

I'm just stuck and not sure what to do. I'm suppose to go back to work on Monday and I don't want to go at all. But I know staying here isn't the answer. I'm just confused.

[Guest]

did you go thru the program? no one can kick you in the butt but you. its not your parents or boyfriends responsiblity to get you moving or to GIVE you the strength to do something. You hold the key to getting out the door, to finding success. Look for your secondary gains? What is your anxiety protecting you from? Maybe you should consider getting an apartment on your own and getting some time away from your boyfriend??

[Guest]

I know what you are going through. I find it hard to hold down a job and actually haven't "worked" in almost 7 years. It is hard to keep yourself motivated when you are used to a certain type of personality keeping you going and you rely on it.

My husband is who had kept me motivated and on the ball. However, I can't rely on him for that any longer and know I have to be my own advocate in all my goals.

If you aren't happy with your job, find a way to set "bite sized" goals or steps that you can go forward with to each of the solutions you need. It seems that you have other goals you want to accomplish and are wanting to move forward with them. Try to make easy to reach deadlines for some of them so you can move forward.

I know it is hard, but getting support is a good step. Don't make a radical decision until you can write a little plan and maybe reflect a bit more on it. But, do make a plan to move forward into a happier direction.

Good luck and I wish you the best. -J

[Ld26angell]

Thanks for the replies guys, I appreciate it! I understand that I need to be the one to kick my own butt into gear and that my parents aren't going to be around the rest of my life to help me.

I guess I just don't know how to kick my own butt. I'm good at telling others what to do, :p but not so much when it comes to me. I want this, I want to get better, but when I'm sitting home I just end up doing other things. I do the program, but probably not as much as I should.

[Guest]

hey there, i wasn't trying to sound harsh I totally understand. I went thru many years of job hopping and feeling anxious, social anxiety and helpless. If you are good at telling others what to do, that means you know what you are supposed to do but you are scared. I know its a big deal. The pressure to find the RIGHT job, the right guy, the family, the apartment, the house, the career, the education - I've been caught in it all too. I'm 33 and finally working on my degree! After years and years of what should I go for? I'd sign up for a class and then drop it drop the first second there was something I did not like!! I've been thru 50+ jobs, some jobs I never even went to. I've been 100s of interviews Really I guess its a matter of when you say enough is enough and I want to stop the vicious cycle. And I want to participate in life..in my life...

Its living in the precious present moment. Making your decision and going with it. Because life, your life, is what is happening as you fight with yourself.