Anxiety over Facebook...is this really a good thing??
I recently joined facebook (well, my friends practically begged me to join). Online profiles and stuff like "My Space" never appealed to me in the first place, but I was willing to give it a shot with their assurance that it is completely private. Well I logged in and in front of me was an overwhelming amount of (suggested) people which I could choose to contact, all of which I knew at some point (or friends of friends, etc.). It was like a High School Reunion that I hadn't anticipated. On top of that, to request permission into someone's profile (where you would be able to read their postings and see pictures, etc.), you need to request them as a friend. That's fine, but everyone has like 250+ friends, mostly comprised of mere aquaintances or people they knew from long ago. I don't want to set my intention on communicating with so many people daily. Mostly, I feel there's alot of pressure to accept requests right off the bat and create this HUGE network, then there you are right before their eyes. I just am debating whether or not it's a healthy thing to keep so many people up to date with you; knowing what's on your mind and seeing recent photo's (if u choose)... I kinda liked the idea of keeping the past in the past. I don't want to recesitate old relationships or treat new ones so casually. I don't know, maybe it's because I really am not ready to leave my shell? Ugh. I just would like to know if anyone else has given this some analytical thought (which we do so well).
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Guest
Hi there! There are many things to have to keep up with in your daily life already & if you are experiencing anxiety over this - eliminate it!
There are some things that cause you anxiety that you cannot get rid of, such as kids, husbands, bosses, etc... - Lucinda says that you cannot get anxiety from your kids, your husband, your boss....ect - but because I allow them to stress me out, in turn they cause anxiety for me!
Because Facebook is NOT something you are crazy about to begin with, if I were you I would eliminate it all together. Then when/if your friends or family ask why or whatever, just tell them that you do not have time for that! Simple...don't give in & keep it just because all your friends or family want you to.
If they want to keep up with you, they can call, visit you or email you (if they have all that information) if they don't then - it's OK.
You should never feel like you have to share personal information & often times sites like these are very unhealthy for those of us with anxiety.
Although I do have a facebook account, I do not get on there every day & I definitely don't have time to visit with others while I'm on there! I've thought of eliminating my account & probably will. There's too much to do on there that is unproductive & gives no glory to God at all. Who cares if you have a farm with 500 apple trees in it? Who cares if bunnies are hopping around in your garden?
Then if you put any personal information in there - what will those people think when you go into public & will they discuss what you are going through with you in public?
Facebook is fine for some people, but many others should not be on there - especially if it feels more like you have to 'keep up' rather than just socialize and have fun.
I hope this helps some! I'm thinking this has brought insight to my own account.
There are some things that cause you anxiety that you cannot get rid of, such as kids, husbands, bosses, etc... - Lucinda says that you cannot get anxiety from your kids, your husband, your boss....ect - but because I allow them to stress me out, in turn they cause anxiety for me!
Because Facebook is NOT something you are crazy about to begin with, if I were you I would eliminate it all together. Then when/if your friends or family ask why or whatever, just tell them that you do not have time for that! Simple...don't give in & keep it just because all your friends or family want you to.
If they want to keep up with you, they can call, visit you or email you (if they have all that information) if they don't then - it's OK.
You should never feel like you have to share personal information & often times sites like these are very unhealthy for those of us with anxiety.
Although I do have a facebook account, I do not get on there every day & I definitely don't have time to visit with others while I'm on there! I've thought of eliminating my account & probably will. There's too much to do on there that is unproductive & gives no glory to God at all. Who cares if you have a farm with 500 apple trees in it? Who cares if bunnies are hopping around in your garden?
Then if you put any personal information in there - what will those people think when you go into public & will they discuss what you are going through with you in public?
Facebook is fine for some people, but many others should not be on there - especially if it feels more like you have to 'keep up' rather than just socialize and have fun.
I hope this helps some! I'm thinking this has brought insight to my own account.
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Guest
Iluvpugs and TNL,
I also have a Face Book account, and i can tell you that it's been quite the opposite for me. I completed the program in march and i find that getting in touch with people from my past has been good practice for me. One of my problems was social anxiety, and i'm finding face Book to be very helpful in getting past it. In fact, i post something every day, it's my gift of the day. It helps me remember at least one positive thing that happened each day. My friends are even getting in to it. I also got in touch with an ex-girlfriend of mine from 1982. It looks like we may rekindle something. So, it's not all that bad, you have to look at it as practice, and not anxiety.
Bill
I also have a Face Book account, and i can tell you that it's been quite the opposite for me. I completed the program in march and i find that getting in touch with people from my past has been good practice for me. One of my problems was social anxiety, and i'm finding face Book to be very helpful in getting past it. In fact, i post something every day, it's my gift of the day. It helps me remember at least one positive thing that happened each day. My friends are even getting in to it. I also got in touch with an ex-girlfriend of mine from 1982. It looks like we may rekindle something. So, it's not all that bad, you have to look at it as practice, and not anxiety.
Bill
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Guest
If the two of you are interested, maybe we can all three be friends on it. My e-mail is wfseney@yahoo.com. Hope to see you on it!!
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Guest
I found out that I was not ready for facebook now.
I got on it because someone asked me to, then I got right back off of it because I had too many things on my mind now to answer or establish a network. Maybe I will feel differently after I finish the program. I also have a tendency to regret some of the things I say....my husband suggested I not do it for that reason. I know people who spent a lot of time starting the network then lost interest in it and did not want all the messages showing up. Then opened another address to avoid the other. Something to think about.
I got on it because someone asked me to, then I got right back off of it because I had too many things on my mind now to answer or establish a network. Maybe I will feel differently after I finish the program. I also have a tendency to regret some of the things I say....my husband suggested I not do it for that reason. I know people who spent a lot of time starting the network then lost interest in it and did not want all the messages showing up. Then opened another address to avoid the other. Something to think about.
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Guest
Hi,
I agree with the response you've gotten. I had some horrible experiences on both Myspace and Facebook. On Myspace, and ex from high school saw me on there and asked me to be his friend. I ignored him because I have been married thirteen years, and I don't think I should have disrespected my husband or reconnected with someone that I was so serious about and who treated me like a piece of crap as well. Well, he wouldn't take no for an answer when I ignored him and then somehow found my phone number and kept calling my home. My husband and I would just stand there in shock as he would let the phone ring 50 times and call multiple times. He was in the military, and I started to get really scared. I was instructed to answer the phone and tell him never to call and that I would call the police for stalking. He left me alone, and then a year later, my sister whom I enstranged from became friends with him on myspace. I was friends with my cousin in a more anonymous account, but my sister became friends with her and then told her where I was. He then sent me a friend request to try to get me to look at the correspondence between him and my sister. I went to say something and he then blocked me before I could say something to stand up for myself like I was the one who started something, but I didn't. All I did was ignore his request and a message from him saying that something was missing from his life since we were last together. Very creepy for a married man to say to another married woman.
I got on facebook as an alternative, but to tell you the truth it was very painful for me to reconnect with friends from high school. I have a son with severe autism, and have just been through hell. I thought high school was hell, and that my life would get better, but I went through some real life and death situations with myself and son, so it was hard to see everyone who did drugs, were mean to people, etc., and they now appear to have normal children, etc. However, I tried reconnecting with some friends that I thought I was close to. I told one about the ex boyfriend's behavior and she acted shocked. The other was at the birth of my son, and she accepted me as her friend but wouldn't really talk to me at all. It was like she distanced herself from me because my son has autism. I thought she was someone that I could always pick up where we left off, but that relationship is over with on her end forever.
Well, I stopped using it so much, but I didn't get off until I saw that the ex was now on facebook. I deactivated my account, but got on again to check something, and the supposed good friend who said that the ex's behavior was stalking was friends with him. Our profiles appeared right next to each other alphabetically, and it just was horrible to see that. I got off for good.
So, what's the problem with facebook and myspace? Boundaries. If you try to implement boundaries by rejecting others even though you can, it's kind of considered taboo on there. My therapist said that these environments create false intimacy. For example, I know for a fact that if certain people from my high school class still lived in the same town and went to the store that they would ignore each other in the store if they saw each other, but they are friends on facebook. Some people in our lives are meant to stay forever, but those are usually very good friends and family. We are not meant to keep in touch with our ex boyfriends and girlfriends from high school forever. Also, nothing is what it appears to be. People lie about there lives so do you really know them. I never did the status update because I didn't really think that it was appropriate to let everyone know what I was doing 24/7. So, sometimes, I think we get nervous when we are in unhealthy situations with boundaries and we should listen to that anxiety. I think that anxiety was a signal for you.
I'm not putting down anyone who has had success with these social network sites, but from my experiences and from information I've gotten from others, there are a lot of negatives about them. One more situation that got my attention occured on this Christian radio program I listen to. In the fall, the program had a show about the positives of facebook, and the show is a member of facebook. I had just gotten off, and it made me feel sad because I felt left out. Well, over the past few months they've had shows where they have indirectly talked about facebook. One show was on affairs and mentioned how it is now common for married people to reconnect on facebook with their ex from high school and have an affair. Another talked about jealousy, and the authors of a book began the show with the statement, "I'm jealous of your profile status on facebook." So, you are right to sense all of these problems, and if you don't enjoy it, just get off. I'm basically off. Sometimes I will reactivate my account, and I usually regret going on there just for a visit. It's just loneliness, and curiosity, but "curiosity killed the cat", or in my case, I just end up feeling sad and bad about myself.
Take care,
luvpiggy
I agree with the response you've gotten. I had some horrible experiences on both Myspace and Facebook. On Myspace, and ex from high school saw me on there and asked me to be his friend. I ignored him because I have been married thirteen years, and I don't think I should have disrespected my husband or reconnected with someone that I was so serious about and who treated me like a piece of crap as well. Well, he wouldn't take no for an answer when I ignored him and then somehow found my phone number and kept calling my home. My husband and I would just stand there in shock as he would let the phone ring 50 times and call multiple times. He was in the military, and I started to get really scared. I was instructed to answer the phone and tell him never to call and that I would call the police for stalking. He left me alone, and then a year later, my sister whom I enstranged from became friends with him on myspace. I was friends with my cousin in a more anonymous account, but my sister became friends with her and then told her where I was. He then sent me a friend request to try to get me to look at the correspondence between him and my sister. I went to say something and he then blocked me before I could say something to stand up for myself like I was the one who started something, but I didn't. All I did was ignore his request and a message from him saying that something was missing from his life since we were last together. Very creepy for a married man to say to another married woman.
I got on facebook as an alternative, but to tell you the truth it was very painful for me to reconnect with friends from high school. I have a son with severe autism, and have just been through hell. I thought high school was hell, and that my life would get better, but I went through some real life and death situations with myself and son, so it was hard to see everyone who did drugs, were mean to people, etc., and they now appear to have normal children, etc. However, I tried reconnecting with some friends that I thought I was close to. I told one about the ex boyfriend's behavior and she acted shocked. The other was at the birth of my son, and she accepted me as her friend but wouldn't really talk to me at all. It was like she distanced herself from me because my son has autism. I thought she was someone that I could always pick up where we left off, but that relationship is over with on her end forever.
Well, I stopped using it so much, but I didn't get off until I saw that the ex was now on facebook. I deactivated my account, but got on again to check something, and the supposed good friend who said that the ex's behavior was stalking was friends with him. Our profiles appeared right next to each other alphabetically, and it just was horrible to see that. I got off for good.
So, what's the problem with facebook and myspace? Boundaries. If you try to implement boundaries by rejecting others even though you can, it's kind of considered taboo on there. My therapist said that these environments create false intimacy. For example, I know for a fact that if certain people from my high school class still lived in the same town and went to the store that they would ignore each other in the store if they saw each other, but they are friends on facebook. Some people in our lives are meant to stay forever, but those are usually very good friends and family. We are not meant to keep in touch with our ex boyfriends and girlfriends from high school forever. Also, nothing is what it appears to be. People lie about there lives so do you really know them. I never did the status update because I didn't really think that it was appropriate to let everyone know what I was doing 24/7. So, sometimes, I think we get nervous when we are in unhealthy situations with boundaries and we should listen to that anxiety. I think that anxiety was a signal for you.
I'm not putting down anyone who has had success with these social network sites, but from my experiences and from information I've gotten from others, there are a lot of negatives about them. One more situation that got my attention occured on this Christian radio program I listen to. In the fall, the program had a show about the positives of facebook, and the show is a member of facebook. I had just gotten off, and it made me feel sad because I felt left out. Well, over the past few months they've had shows where they have indirectly talked about facebook. One show was on affairs and mentioned how it is now common for married people to reconnect on facebook with their ex from high school and have an affair. Another talked about jealousy, and the authors of a book began the show with the statement, "I'm jealous of your profile status on facebook." So, you are right to sense all of these problems, and if you don't enjoy it, just get off. I'm basically off. Sometimes I will reactivate my account, and I usually regret going on there just for a visit. It's just loneliness, and curiosity, but "curiosity killed the cat", or in my case, I just end up feeling sad and bad about myself.
Take care,
luvpiggy
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Guest
I'm not suggesting that it's for everyone! I'm just giving my own personal oppinion on it, and letting people know that it's working for me. By all means, if you don't feel comfortable on it, you shouldn't do it. Everyone has thier own things to deal with. My main problem was social, and that's what i'm trying to over come. But wouldn't it be a good idea to have some friends who know what your going through? Just a sugestion!!
Bill
Bill
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Guest
Thank you for some of these great responses with a few different perspectives. I realize that the reason why I haven't just deleted my account is because I'm afraid of having to go through explaining myself to everyone and or anyone who asks. I will simply tell them that I don't have time and that they can call me or email me if they wish to speak with me. Thankyou for that suggestion. Because the truth is, I'm simply just not ready for all this social networking. When I was in high school I ended up dropping out and getting my GED the beginning of senior year because my panic attacks were so severe. I pulled the "rebel" act and feel like I burned alot of "bridges", because I pretty much dropped off the face of the earth. I even ended up moving that year. (Don't get me wrong, I hung on to a couple best friends, whom are a part of my everyday life.) So I feel this tremendous amount of pressure to be the horse that nobody bet on and have this huge reveal someday of all this mounting success. (Here I go with the expectations, seriously.) I'm more that halfway through the program and have been handling pretty well but this has just ressurected some issues I wasn't quite ready for. Thanks for all the support.