Am I just running?

labourg · Post by **labourg** » Mon Aug 03, 2009 9:53 am

Okay, this is my throwing it all out there post. Let me start with my mother died suddenly in my arms 7 years ago and I have not been right since. Since then, my father and I moved to a new house. He has since married the neighbor across street. I was lucky enough to find a supportive mate who I married last year. During this process my grandmother died and she had lived with me for 30 years and since then my aunts have basically withdrawn from any doings with me or my father. I now live across the street from my father which is a nightmare in itself. He is a great guy but I am 33 and he still feels that he has to be involved with EVERY aspect of my life i.e. gets mad if I don't include him in any decision. So, my panic attacks peaked about three years ago and I have had very bad hypochondriasis and always think there is something wrong with me. I have a very well paying job in the medical field (how ironic) but I am so tortured by what I do because I work with the elderly in the nursing home and deal with death and dying ALL THE TIME!! I also am on call frequently and my sleep constantly gets disrupted. My husband and I talked of moving and "starting fresh" in a new state. We put our house up for sale in January and we were getting very discouraged as no one was making an offer. My husband started a new job last week with the thought of we don't know how long the house will take to sell. Well, wouldn't you know-the house sold! Now my husband wants to quit as he feels it isn't fair to the employer or himself. So now our idea is to pick up and move to Florida from Mass as we love the warm weather, the water, etc. My plan is to take some time off from my career/job and possibly switch into an outpatient or something a little easier on my brain. If you have made it this far in my rambling, do you think I am running or am I making a good choice? I love my dad but everywhere around here is either, "Oh your so and so's daughter" or people already know my story even before I know them thanks to my dad and his mouth. I am so excited about thinking of starting over but I also am aware that there will be bumps but I feel it is the right thing. I am scared to leave my job as I have been there for over 10 years and I know they are going to be mad, but my job is killing me. Any advice, support, suggestions, would be greatly appreciated. Guess I just need to get all of this off my chest.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Aug 03, 2009 10:24 am

hey labourg,
well, honestly i think ur making a great decision. sometimes, u just have to start with a clean break, and if things dont work out, u know u can always return to ur comfort zone. as far as work, dont leave on bad terms, dont burn any bridges, 10yrs is along time.. just let ur employer know that u and ur husband are trying out a new venture.. and hey, what ever decision U and ur HUSBAND make is yours. as far as ur father is concerned, he just sounds like a very loving father. would it be best if had nothing to do with u at all. thats my father..
accept that hes just very loving, and that he is happily married now, and know that the visits that u guys take to go back home, would be so much more fun. its always good to try new things. u will never know what u like, unless u try right? good luck, angela

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Aug 03, 2009 11:09 am

Hi Labourg-

Maybe you can make a pro/con list about this big decision.

I think it's fine that you want to be married to your husband and not still parented by your dad. I wouldn't call that "running" at all.

I think that the decision is yours and your husband's and that is it. You are adults with your own life. The other relatives around you may not agree with you and then try to punish you with guilt trips, etc. but be strong against them. If you are really doing it for you and to maintain a healthy mind and a healthy marriage then you stand up for you. Eventually the relative will relent and accept or will fade away. But-- you are not responsible for his choices. He is his own person and is responsible for himself.

I'd say go for it.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Aug 04, 2009 12:13 am

Hi Labourg - Congratulations on getting one step closer to your dream of moving to Florida (I am from Michigan and my husband and I would love to move south too). No, I do not think you are running from anything. I think you are going after a dream. Your father sounds like a very loving, caring father. I think if you go after your dreams, you will be able to grow even more and your father will be also be able to grow. Your father will see that you are able to take care of yourself and he won't be as involved in your day-to-day life. Your dad will be okay and you will be okay if you go after your dream:)
Lisa

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Aug 04, 2009 4:31 am

Labourg -

This is probably a silly question, but have you ever had a sit-down talk with your father to discuss boundaries? My cousin had to deal with a similar situation with his wife's parents. When they moved to another state to get away from them, her parents followed them! Just be sure that if you move, you're really addressing the problem and not just a symptom.

Best of luck,
Jamie

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Aug 04, 2009 9:08 am

Thank you all for the great support! Searunner-to answer your question, I have been unable to have any kind of a heart to heart with my dad ever since my mom dies-he gets way too emotional and then he just throws his hands up at me. The funny thing is, is I know I am not completely running because my dad has a house in florida already (Funny thing, we talked about moving and then he bought a house before us!) I am just looking to start fresh and I appreciate all the great feedback and support!! We are going for it!!