Hi Little Italy,
I know how hard this is! I've been there!
I managed to get to the point where I could drive in local familiar areas, but not the freeway, although I was always very nervous driving anywhere. I got along this way, albeit embarrassed about it, for a long time.
My husband and I have been greatly affected by the collapse of the housing industry. We lost our business due to the construction slowdown. We decided to relocate from Michigan to Arizona because at the time there was still a lot going on, and we thought we'd love living in the Southwest. We were able to sell our home, so this meant, yes, we really were going to do it. This also meant that I had to drive one of our cars and a few of our pets across the country. Not only was I stressed to the max about losing our business, moving away from what was familiar, and having to pack up our entire house, but I was terrified of the thought of having to drive so far away. And I really had no choice.
I bought a CD from this website that helps specifically with driving. I can't remember the name of it offhand, "Driving With Comfort", possibly? I listened to it a lot!!!! It is done by Carolyn Dickman (who was kind enough to give me some encouragement about my challenge, and just having this helped me so, so much!) and it includes many affirmations that you repeat after her. Afterwhile, I starting thinking I might actually be able to do it.
We took a quick trip on the expressway one evening when it wasn't very busy. I was pale, shaking, and freaking out. How on earth was I going to survive this for 2000 miles? OMG!
The morning we left for Arizona I just got in the car and did it. I didn't have a choice, so I just did it. And I survived. I had only a few problems. 20 minutes into our trip we hit very heavy rain and I was terrified because I felt I couldn't see to drive. I kept driving, but I was crying and embarrassed for awhile afterward. And then later that day driving around Indianapolis made me feel that if I could survive driving around that city I could survive anything. Those people were crazy, lol!
After living in the Phoenix area for awhile, we realized that the housing collapse was coming there, too. And we weren't established enough to ride it out. So we chose a very different (some said crazy) route. We moved back to ailing Michigan, but this time we moved "up north" to a town on Lake Michigan, where we always thought we'd retire someday because we really loved it there. We decided that if we were going to be poor people for awhile, we were going to do it somewhere we really wanted to live. (Yes, we
are poor at the moment, but have found a community that we really love! And you can't beat being a 5 minute drive to Lake Michigan, not to mention being surrounded by forests and natural beauty!)
So...I drove all the way back to Michigan. I had two incidents that caused a lot of anxiety: once driving across New Mexico in the dark when I had a semi bullying me and it was a very dark night, I was tired from driving all day, and the pavement was new with hardly any lines marked. I couldn't see very well and I was really scared. Thankfully, my husband and I were driving with walkie-talkies. When he realized what was happening he talked me through it. The other time was that because of a delay we ended up driving around St. Louis at rush hour. My husband was pulling a trailer to move his motorcycle and it was hard to stay with him in the erratic traffic. It was very crowded and people were getting impatient and quite rude with me because I wouldn't allow them to push their way between us. I was quickly learning to be rude right back, lol! But then I heard my husbands voice on the walkie-talkie again "Hey, if you don't loosen up your grip you're going to rip the steering wheel right off the car!" I started laughing and got calmed right back down. And I notice that when I do get nervous behind the wheel, I grip tightly, brace my upper body, clench my jaw, and for some reason speed up. Fight or Flight, I'd guess. And no wonder I used to get dizzy, locking up my body like that, sheesh, not to mention holding my breath or just breathing in an anxious way. Now when I get anxious I immediately check my breathing and how I am holding my upper body. I start breathing the right way and let my muscles go. Then I remind myself that I am a perfectly capable driver, and all is well. The more you do, the more confidence you get in yourself.
The coolest thing when driving to Arizona was that once I got it in my head that I was actually doing it and handling it, I LOVED IT!! I remember driving across New Mexico with its gorgeous vistas and feeling positively giddy over it!! I drive all over now. What a great freedom!!!
I still get nervous, occasionally. We don't live near expressways, so when I drive downstate to see family I have to remind myself that I drove across the country on expressways and I do know how to handle it! Once I get on the ramp and into traffic I'm fine again. (anticipatory anxiety, perhaps?) And I worry about getting lost, because I'm not the best at naturally knowing how to get around. But I'm a great map reader, I print directions off of Expedia if I'm going somewhere strange, and we also have a GPS for the car, which is really nice, too.
I'm sharing this just so you can hear from someone who has been successful in overcoming this very common anxiety
Remember that lots of people have this same problem about driving, you are not alone! And people can really get through it and become a driver again. I did it, and I know you can, too
Just keep challenging yourself and reminding yourself that its only body symptoms. Once you overcome this, you're going to be so darn proud of yourself, and it will lead to other victories.
Just a thought. Sometimes driving isn't pleasurable because we have errands to run, and we don't feel like it or we're tired, or rushed, or traffic is busy. I don't know what your environment is, but maybe you could take a drive on a beautiful day along some back roads, just for pleasure. Have someone with you who is understanding and will both encourage you to keep going, but give you that out if things are just too overwhelming. Try not to ask them to take over so you can work your way through it, but knowing they are there if needed is really helpful. Like my husbands voice on the walkie-talkie. He couldn't drive the car for me, but just being able to communicate was reassuring. I went from fearful to adventurer! Go somewhere fun, to do something you enjoy doing or seeing. Enjoy the feeling of the road and notice how once you're underway your skills are all still there, and you immediately start getting smoother at it. Wear some great looking sunglasses.
Or heck.....move across the country...twice, lol!!
Jeri
