New and confused!

gracieE · Post by **gracieE** » Wed Aug 19, 2009 7:17 am

I got this program at the end of last year. I started it but then ended up giving up. I am trying again. I am having alot of problems coming up with positives for the negatives and I am having problems with the forgivness end of it also which is causing alot of anger. It's wierd but scarey to finally admit all of this. How do you come up with positives when you have been negative on yourself for pretty much your whole life? How is it possible to forgive someone that has screwed you over so bad and in every way that you can think of-especially when you aren't expecting it. It was my mother. She has also abandoned my 16 and 17 year old sisters and that makes me angrier. They live by themselves and fend for themselves. Tried to get them to live with us. I have problems trying to get in sink with my husband also. Also thanks to my mother our family lost our family store that I have been working at for 14 years. How do you forgive someone for that?
Lost.....

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Aug 19, 2009 7:36 am

Congratulations on restarting the program! I have been on and off with the program for the last three years. I have definitely learned things and continue to learn. It is hard to come up with the positives to the negatives. My advice is to start with the small and easy ones and then build up to the bigger ones. As far as forgiveness, that is a tough one. Sometimes you have to go through a process in order toreach forgiveness, and that process often includes anger. I believe that eventually you will want to release all of the negativity in order to move on with your life and that is when forgiveness enters. Good luck and keep posting!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Aug 19, 2009 8:54 am

I strongly disagree with the forgiveness thing. You don't have to forgive anyone that has mistreated you and not apologized. That would be stupid and your mind will not accept it.
What you DO need to do is to learn to "LET GO" of any past injustices against you.
Forgive, NO, Let Go, YES, big difference!

Realize that the only person you can change is YOU. And the best thing you can do for yourself is to decide to stop holding on to anger and refocus your thoughts on something more pleasant. Find something you like, a hobby, books, sports, etc., and concentrate on that instead of dwelling on the negative. I know it takes practice but it will pay off for you with a calmer inner self.
Also, go out and get some serious exercise, you will be surprised how much that helps. Sometimes when I’ve had a very frustrating day I go to the batting cages and smack the crap out of some balls. You can imagine anyone’s face on the ball you want.

God bless and Peace be with you.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 4:05 am

hey,

Forgiveness takes time and yes you have to forgive the other person to let go.That does not mean that you have to socialize with that person in the future.If people treat you as a door mat over and over again that is a good reason to avoid the relationship all together.The old saying is"I can forgive ,but not forget,that's what a lot of people get confused about.Many people think you have to maintain a relationship just because they are of the same blood,hmhmhmhmhmhm,If I invite may brother over and every time he comes over he takes something that's not his,should I invite him over again.You have to evaluate the relationship and be honest about what needs to be resolved or dissolved.Is your anger realistic ,is it something you keep going over and over in your mind trying to figure out.Is everything that happened really because of the actions of one person.As for myself I don't have time for detrimental relationships anymore ,blood or no blood.

Hope this helps

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Aug 25, 2009 2:44 am

The positive for negative thing can be very challenging.It feels very unnatural at first. I actually didn't have much success with the writing them down. I know they say how important that is but everyone is different. So I correct them in my head as they occur. You have to start small. Instead of "Oh dammit! why did I do that!" evolve that into something like "crap... well these things happen". I think they need to be subtle changes at first or you won't believe them because they are so unlike anything you've thought before. As far as the forgiveness thing goes... many people in life are selfish and there is no excuse for some of the things they do. As someone who prefers to sever ties I'm not sure if I actually ever forgive people I just cut them out and don't think about them. Once you've become adept at positive thinking over negative your thinking may evolve into something like "my mom is the way she is and thats just life, i feel sorry for all the personal problems she obviously has and how she acts will determine if she is in my life or not". Bottom line is when you start to clear your mind out, i.e. truly grasping the positive thinking aspect, solutions to other problems will present themselves without do much effort.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Aug 25, 2009 3:43 am

I think it's important to forgive a person "as if" they asked for forgiveness as most of the time people like this will never ask.

Even those who do ask for forgiveness will usually do the same thing over and over.

It's hard but sometimes the only way to move on. You don't even have to speak to them - just forgive them.

And forgiving someone definitely does not mean you forget what they did. But it helps release a lot of anger and resentment.

Also know that there are many people like yourself who have been wronged by a loved one - if anything it might bring you comfort that you are not alone in your pain.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Aug 26, 2009 4:41 am

If you carry things that people done to you in the past you are not hurting them you are hurting yourself. It took me all these years to realize this. I am 58 years old I was sexually abused as a child by a family member. It usually is someone in your family not strangers. I am learning to forgive them yes it was two that messed with me as a child. But I have learned finally to just let it go they will pay one day for all the hurt they have put me through like the Bible says you reap what you sow. This program is really helping me and to that young man who was talking about his mom be grateful that you have a mom who loves and cares for him some of us never had that. And would give any thing to have had a mothers love.