really need advice.
Okay so I don't know if I'm doing this right but we'll give it a try. I'm a senior in high school and for the past eight years I've struggled with anxiety and depression. I've had some hard falls and I've always gotten back up but about a month or two ago during christmas break I fell into another rut. Usually when I get out of a rutine this happens and I was off school for two weeks and I was pretty excited to be able to relax and sleep in but I took it too far. I stayed home this entire time mostly in my room and only left the house once. My room became my "safe palce" and I would feel uncomfortable going to the kitchen, but when I got back into my room I was okay, I was safe. This brought on my anxiety which brought on the depression which then brought on my ocd again and since then my ocd has basically taken over. I am so limited in what I do, wear, say,ect. that I honestly just want to lay in bed forever. I'm scared to drive and scared to be anywhere far of my parents. I know I have all the tools to stand up to my ocd and anxiety and depression but in a way I feel lazy or its easier not to. I went through the program twice each time i didn't do it to my full ability and i usually stopped in the middle when I started feeling better. Now I'm fed up with it all. I fed up with the limitations the constant scary thoughts everything the symptoms. I feel like everyone is agaisnt me and my parents seem to just get mad when I fall back into these ruts which makes me feel even worse. I feel like I have no one to talk to and that really scares me. I just want someone to understand and let me know I'm not alone and I'll be okay. I know this is true but for some reason I don't want to believe myself. I have been doubting myself alot lately, like in the morning when i take my zoloft i'm scared i've taken too many or that I will have a ridiculous side effect like an acid trip or I will feel like the room is spinning and even though that has never happend to me I scare myself intpo believing it might. When this happens I'm usually scared for the rest of the day which then my anxiety and depression just go out of control which then makes my ocd go out of control. I want to stop it all together but in the back of my head I keep telling myself "if you wear that shirt you'll die or have an inceurible disease and you wont be about to gpo back and fix it if you dont do the compulsion now." Tha's just one of my scary obsessive thoughts.UGHHHH why do I do this to myself!
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Guest
Hey Mia,
I know exactly what you mean. I too am recovering from anxiety and currently battling my OCD. Yesterday was a rough evening. I wanted to go and visit my g/f and I didn't feel good. But I kept saying " I will not let anxiety get to me, anxiety will not hold me back" And I went out put gas in the car stopped by the store and just felt awful and I had to go back home. I was on the phone with her and I was feeling so depressed and frustrated with anxiety and ocd. I mean I just started having thoughts like, what if because of this I get severely depressed and sick and lose the will to live? WHich I recognize is irrational because all it is is one set back. Well I was sick to my stomach having high anxiety about severe depression and what if I went crazy and hurt myself. But I relaxed in the living room alone and began to write. I watched some tv to keep me occupied and I took a tylenol for my headache. That went away,then my breathing slowed down and now I just felt exhausted from the adrenaline and panic. As I was writing the words in my journal " tonight anxiety got the better of me... I got up put my shoes on grabbed my phone and wallet and drove to her house. I got in the car and had thoughts like, OMG am I going to drive off a cliff ( there are no cliffs in miami haha) am I going to slam my car around a pole? I said " of course not, I am simply not allowing ocd and anxiety to keep me down" I drove to her house and plenty times had feelings of turning around but I stayed with it. I spent some time with her and we both had a good time. I drove home and finished the journal entry by saying " I guess you did not win today"
Today I feel a bit shaken by some of those thoughts I had last night. but I remind myself that, My only true desire is to get better and live my life to it's fullest potential. Obsession will never interfere with your true desires. If I get depressed I get depressed, not a big deal. I will get through it no matter how long it takes.
I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes it seems easier to not do anything. I think it is because doing something about it causes anxiety because you have to face it rather than run from it. You are not alone though. There are plenty people here who know very well what you are going through because so are we. Maybe your parents are frustrated because they just don't want to see you suffering or beating yourself up like this. Deep down even if they didn't understand what you were going through, deep down they just want you to get better.
You know you are not alone and everything will be ok. But sometimes it is nice to hear it from others. What helps me is making a schedule the night before of what I need or want to do the next day. I keep it flexible because sometimes unexpected things come up. But I find it reduces my anxiety and obsession because I have something I need to get done. When I begin to obsess or feel anxious I remember I have something to do and I go to the schedule and get back into the present moment.
Take care and If you have a day that you feel like you don't want to do anything, then just relax and take a break. This is over whelming as it is so sometimes we need a break. Don't feel bad about that. But remember you will get through this.
Eddy J
I know exactly what you mean. I too am recovering from anxiety and currently battling my OCD. Yesterday was a rough evening. I wanted to go and visit my g/f and I didn't feel good. But I kept saying " I will not let anxiety get to me, anxiety will not hold me back" And I went out put gas in the car stopped by the store and just felt awful and I had to go back home. I was on the phone with her and I was feeling so depressed and frustrated with anxiety and ocd. I mean I just started having thoughts like, what if because of this I get severely depressed and sick and lose the will to live? WHich I recognize is irrational because all it is is one set back. Well I was sick to my stomach having high anxiety about severe depression and what if I went crazy and hurt myself. But I relaxed in the living room alone and began to write. I watched some tv to keep me occupied and I took a tylenol for my headache. That went away,then my breathing slowed down and now I just felt exhausted from the adrenaline and panic. As I was writing the words in my journal " tonight anxiety got the better of me... I got up put my shoes on grabbed my phone and wallet and drove to her house. I got in the car and had thoughts like, OMG am I going to drive off a cliff ( there are no cliffs in miami haha) am I going to slam my car around a pole? I said " of course not, I am simply not allowing ocd and anxiety to keep me down" I drove to her house and plenty times had feelings of turning around but I stayed with it. I spent some time with her and we both had a good time. I drove home and finished the journal entry by saying " I guess you did not win today"
Today I feel a bit shaken by some of those thoughts I had last night. but I remind myself that, My only true desire is to get better and live my life to it's fullest potential. Obsession will never interfere with your true desires. If I get depressed I get depressed, not a big deal. I will get through it no matter how long it takes.
I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes it seems easier to not do anything. I think it is because doing something about it causes anxiety because you have to face it rather than run from it. You are not alone though. There are plenty people here who know very well what you are going through because so are we. Maybe your parents are frustrated because they just don't want to see you suffering or beating yourself up like this. Deep down even if they didn't understand what you were going through, deep down they just want you to get better.
You know you are not alone and everything will be ok. But sometimes it is nice to hear it from others. What helps me is making a schedule the night before of what I need or want to do the next day. I keep it flexible because sometimes unexpected things come up. But I find it reduces my anxiety and obsession because I have something I need to get done. When I begin to obsess or feel anxious I remember I have something to do and I go to the schedule and get back into the present moment.
Take care and If you have a day that you feel like you don't want to do anything, then just relax and take a break. This is over whelming as it is so sometimes we need a break. Don't feel bad about that. But remember you will get through this.
Eddy J
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Guest
Thank you so much! This is so hard sometimes and it seems like putting your foot out there is terrifying. And my parents jsut don't understand completly it's hard for them becasue they don't want to see me like this but when they get frustrated and mad it jsut makes it all the more worse. You are very strong and I know I am too but I just feel stuck right now. Thanks again! 