tough boss, and more

PortA · Post by **PortA** » Wed Mar 03, 2010 10:04 am

I have a boss that runs hot and cold. Gives a directive one day and expects the opposite the next day and expects that I somehow should have known. His requirements seem to change with the day or the wind. He is very high-strung and very self-conscious and worries about how the rest of the company sees him and his department. His management style is to keep us off balance and nervous. I am not the only one. We employees talk to each other. Others have gone to counseling because of him and his tactics. I really need a way to cope with him. Otherwise this is the best job I have ever had with the highest pay. But, the boss alone could cause me to walk away from it.

My co-worker put the finger on it the other day. He said we are like abused dogs. All we have to do is see a hand go up and we cower with anticipation of being hit. We are always anticipating being in the 'hot seat' by the boss.

I am attacking my anxiety and depression from several angles, I am being treated with bio-identical hormones for perimenopause, I am taking klonopin 4x per day, I am taking a herbal supplement called DePrex for depression, I am trying to exercise everyday. I am trying to eat right, but I am an emotional eater.

I found out that food sensitivities can cause anxiety and depression. My husband recently did some baking using whole wheat and gluten. So, I had to try all the goodies, and all in the same day. I really think I had a food sensitivity reaction, because I was suddenly a basket case. So, I am going to try updating my 'good eating' by eliminating wheat and gluten. As an emotional eater, I tend to go for the goodies, so this will be a challenge, but I really think I had a food sensitivity reaction. So, it is worth it.

I do have the program and am startng week three.

And I am setting up an appoinment with my workplace Employee Assistance Program. I am waiting to hear back about an appointment. Geez, the intake questions sent me on a trip, just verbalizing some things to someone new, but again I think I am still tripping from the wheat/gluten, too.

I had to take today off, it was so bad, I just couldn't make it today. I rarely take a day off. I have only had two sick days in the past two years.

Really, I have battled depression my whole life. Anxiety off and on for 18 years, but usually with my high-stress jobs. I had it made for a while with one particular job, then I got layed off when the business went under. Soon after I landed this job, which I have had for seven years now. I got promoted two years ago and work directly for the boss I mentioned above.

I have so many things happening at once - menopause, tough boss, food sensitivities, and we moved this last year so I could be closer to work.

I am starting to make new friends, but it takes time.

My husband and I work opposite shifts. But we have a good marriage. He has a chance to go first shift soon, so maybe that will help. I hope.

I just hope the program helps me deal with the tuff boss. When weekends get here, I can usually feel good and leave the office behind. But, during the week, I stay stressed out. Sunday nights, I start dreading Monday.

Tonight is ladies bible study. I just started last week. I hope it will also lead to new friends.

So, I just unloaded a bunch of stuff. This is my first day here.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Mar 03, 2010 11:58 am

I too have a tough boss who likes to intimidate us into feeling small and i have a problem standing up to him because my father did the same thing to us when we were young so everytime he intimidates me i back down because if he can't control us with intimidation he controls us with his anger. i have gone to human resources i have tried to talk to him and i only end up frustrated and angry. i wish i could have an answer for you but i don't. i myself am looking for another job. i only want to work another 5 years and was hoping it would be here but that is not going to work for me my blood pressure is getting too high and i can't handle it anymore. i do the receivables for 6 large companies and i get paid 15.62 an hour while other areas of this company get paid 19.00 so i am not only frustrated with the working conditions i am frustrated with my wage. i can sincerely say that i work from the moment i walk in the door to the time i leave including overtime just to keep my head above water. I have tried getting help i have done spreadsheets showing my job flow and i have suppled numbers of invoices sent for each company and the amount of money i collect a month. i feel used and abused and i am fed up of it.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Mar 03, 2010 12:44 pm

I am really sorry, Debbie Mac. I can relate in that my Dad fathered by intimidation. I (and my Mom and siblings) spent my whole childhood walking around on eggshells. Dad was verbally and physically abusive to Mom and my siblings. But, I was still affected by it all. I guess I have a similar relationship with this boss. Walking on eggshells and afraid of unpredictable, over-reactive consequenses. I am the youngest of my siblings. Dad ended up an alcoholic and dying alone at 53. How sad is that. Mom is a hermit and doesn't take good care of herself, although she is remarried. She is 74 now. It has been 20 years since Dad died. It has been a long journey to gain self esteem of sorts and to be assertive. But, with my boss, there is rarely a win-win. It is easier to just try to let it roll off and try to move forward and be productive. I call it using my duck feathers. But, hard as I try, it creeps in and affects me. I have 25 employees that I have to manage myself, so I have to try to keep them motivated and moral high, even though I feel shut down much of the time. I try to cut the crud and focus on the issues and be upbeat and cheerful with my relations to others. It is hard to wear those duck feathers day in and day out. So, it comes home with me during the week. I can usually let it go on Friday and be okay until the Sunday night dreads of facing Monday morning. I don't know, I may end up changing jobs, too. This is the first time I have been in a situation where I am torn between staying and going, because it is a good job, with great pay. I hate to let that get robbed from me. I don't know. Will see.

I wish you the very best and I hope you find a fantastic job with a great boss. Thank you for replying to my post.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Mar 07, 2010 11:32 am

porta you should join us in the chat room some time

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Mar 08, 2010 1:24 am

PortA -

There's a really good book called "Bullies, Tyrants and Impossible People" that has some great strategies for dealing with difficult bosses. It really helped me deal with some bad bosses.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Mar 11, 2010 5:25 am

Thank you so much! I will get on Amazon and look for that book now! If I can learn to deal better with my boss, I will be so much better off.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Mar 11, 2010 10:00 pm

Wow, Porta, your boss has issues! Sounds like he could use some Lucinda himself!

Listen, I empathize with you and all the other posts I read, because I fit right in to the same upbringing pattern, but, Porta,
you and your hubby need a romantic night off the stress mill!

Karen

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Mar 15, 2010 2:55 pm

Thanks Karen. As a matter of fact, Hubby and I just had a long weekend together. It really helped. Back to work tomorrow.

I agree, too, my boss could use some Lucinda!!! Even when I am supposed to be looking at my own behavior, I do think of him and his behavior when I listen to the tapes at times.