I felt the rush of adrenaline, the stress hormones racing through my body. My hands grew really sweaty and cold. That lonely, panicky feeling swept over me again. The feeling as though I needed to drive myself to the ER or get home ASAP. It was if someone put me in a time capsule and sent me back four years.
But I know that I have overcome my fear of panic attacks. I know that I'm not the same person that I was 4 years ago and that it was probably just the anniversary of that horrific day that brought upon feelings I haven't felt in so long. I knew it would pass and I just floated through it. I knew that there has been a lot of things on my mind (i.e. career change, having a baby)lately and that the combination of everything led up to those feelings. I knew that I could reach out to all of you as friends to tell you about how those scary feelings returned. But I've been through the program and have been "recovered" for almost 3 years now. The biggest thing is that I know now that the panic attacks won't hurt me, they never have. They just make me feel panicky for a few minutes and then I refocus my energy on something else. I focus on what is really bothering me or what is it that I'm trying to avoid by having these panic attacks consume me?In these last 4 years, I have so much to be proud of. I married an awesome man who loves me very much, I've went back to school and am currently maintaining a 4.0, I've bought a house, I've done some modeling (in front of 300-400 people!)..I've come sooo far!! But sometimes we just need to write back to our friends who have experienced anxiety disorder and panic. It feels good to just talk about it sometimes and share with all of you my success with the program. Thank you for always listening.
My apologies!