Being Assertive(FEAR FACTOR)
okay I am dealing with some very harsh situation. it is unfortunately my family. being assertive doesn't seem to work and I am even afraid to be assertive(without anger or aggression) also that it won't matter(is my other fear). but most importantly because my parents use my younger brothers against me(which is my only concern, i don't care about the rest) like they(my younger brothers) blame me for everything even though they don't talk to me... when I move out they come one after the other talk to me and even my mom comes crying(I have fallen for it a few times and moved back in) and when I move back it is the same story... seems my mom is afraid of my dad or something and she wants me around so that I take the brunt of it all... this is stressful beyond anything and not only I wana get outta here but I am mad at my whole family including my mom and brothers because this has been going on for pretty much entire life and the destruction it has caused me is unrepairable!!!!! plz help!! they don't get it(my younger brothers and mom, who btw turn into mean senseless freaks when I am home but when I move out turn into crying victims, and the worst part is that I can't even stand them or that they are living at home anymore I don't care if they do whatever the way my dad has used them against me it makes me livid angry just thinking they live here with my dad!!!!!)plzzzz what do I DO!!!!
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Guest
Kdkv,
Families are the hardest to deal with. And it's very painful for us when people don't understand.
If you're assertive, it will matter. It may not change how other people act, but it will definitely feel better because you have control of yourself. Besides, your family is already hurting you, so what have you got to lose?
Sounds like there's a lot of dysfunction in your family. You are responsible for your own feelings and nobody else's, no matter how they try to push you around. If your mom is afraid of your dad, she needs to deal with it and not hide behind you or using your brothers against you. Who's the parent here? I would go crazy on the roller coaster ride with my brothers too if I were you. Sounds like it's time to step off the family train for your health's sake. It doesn't mean you don't care about your family, but you have to come first in your own life (and not feel guilty about it). I tell you this because I'm going through the same thing. My mother is trying to manipulate me from 3000 miles away.
I don't know how old you are, but is it a possibility that you move out and get a roommate?
Les
Families are the hardest to deal with. And it's very painful for us when people don't understand.
If you're assertive, it will matter. It may not change how other people act, but it will definitely feel better because you have control of yourself. Besides, your family is already hurting you, so what have you got to lose?
Sounds like there's a lot of dysfunction in your family. You are responsible for your own feelings and nobody else's, no matter how they try to push you around. If your mom is afraid of your dad, she needs to deal with it and not hide behind you or using your brothers against you. Who's the parent here? I would go crazy on the roller coaster ride with my brothers too if I were you. Sounds like it's time to step off the family train for your health's sake. It doesn't mean you don't care about your family, but you have to come first in your own life (and not feel guilty about it). I tell you this because I'm going through the same thing. My mother is trying to manipulate me from 3000 miles away.
I don't know how old you are, but is it a possibility that you move out and get a roommate?
Les
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Guest
i had an apartment but it was quite cheap as it was subsidized housing. but i lost it after my mom kept urging me to come home and also as it was in a rather unsafe neighborhood. I don't think I can live with a roommate. I am on disability and it doesn't pay much. but my only chance, although not easy at all, is to look for an apartment in a far remote towns away from this big city where apartments are cheap. but I just am so overwhelmed that I can't even begin to how or when. seems like I am leaving my family here and they blame it all on me. including my mom and brothers who blame it all on me.