Robin,
I have read a lot of your posts. What has been going on with you lately? How have you been talking to yourself, ABOUT yourself? Have you gained weight lately, noticed a few wrinkles, etc?? Have you felt like you failed at something immportant to you? What thoughts have you been dealing with lately that are bringing down your self esteem? Or, is your husband not paying as much attention to you? I find that sometimes we feel secure because of what someone ELSE is giving us. I have been struggling with similar thoughts as you. I have to keep it in perspective. Example...tonight I was obsessing and worrying about whether my guy wanted to be back with his ex! Why? Because I haven't felt that confident in myself lately...which inturn I think subconciously makes me think how could he want me? It's like you get caught up in it and forget all the things they do that show they really do love you, and want YOU. As I am obsessing about this I started journaling...and was suprised at how easily I forgot that just this morning he came up and hugged me while I was doing the dishes and was telling me he loved me. And this afternoon he came running into the room where I was to show me something he had been working on that he was proud of. And how I am the person he always wants to show these things to and ask what I think about different things. I couldn't believe I was sitting there thinking he wanted to be back with his ex...lol. Girl..it's tough.
What is different in your relationship that may make you think these thoughts...or what is different with you personally that is bringing your self confidence down?
I mean, if you were sitting around thinking what a beautiful, strong, desirable woman you were, would you be dealing with these insecurities? Get to the root as to why this is coming up...and deal with it at the root.
Are you not feeling close to him? Why? Is he showing you how in love with you he is but you have a different love language and so you aren't receiving it that way? What's up?
As far as having another attack...IT'S NO BIG DEAL. REALLY! We aren't gauranteed to never have another attack when we are done with the program. It is just a way of showing you that something(s) are really bothering you...no need to fear the panic. You are just on overload. It happens to us all. You don't have a mental illness honey. When you start to uncover what's going on with you and sort it out, you will get it back on track.
"In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world."
The same spirit that lives in you raised Jesus Christ from the dead!
Hey, and even if you had a mental illness (which you don't) you would still be in God's hands...and that means it is all good girl!
I would suggest re-reading this post. Lack of self esteem causes us to feel insecure in relationships. It also causes us to feel like we're going crazy. God is real, but there was a time that I was too dependent upon Him, expecting Him to "fix" me. Then He brought the Stress program to me. After working with it I realized I have some responsibilities in how I think that have to change. He can't do that for me.
If you read scripture it says to set your mind on things that are praiseworthy, resist temptation, do not be conformed to the world but be transformed by the renewal of the mind, take every thought captive, as a man thinketh so is he, etc. In the old testament God said choose what path you will follow. I think there is a responsibility we all have to choose what we will set our minds upon, what we will choose to think about. That is up to us, as I see it, not God. He has given us the freedom to choose.
I've heard many a pastor speak of the evil of "self-esteem", as if it were a sin. Then why do we try and build self-esteem in our children if that is so? As I see it, only those with healthy self esteem are capable of making healthy choices whether it's relationships, jobs, raising children or whatever. But if we're running on empty inside emotionally, it becomes very difficult to manage relationships, jobs, children or whatever. Jesus said to love others as we love ourselves. I think some in the church have distorted this message by saying to love others and hate yourself. We are humans with needs, some of those emotional. If we don't take care of ourselves emotionally we will pay the price. God said to put to death what is earthly in you. I interpret that as meaning to seek to put to death what is sinful. Taking care of ourselves in a healthy manner physically, emotionally, and spiritually is not sinful, it is what God intended.
Again, I think what FrancesL and everyone has posted is right on target. I am very sorry you are suffering at the moment. Sometimes it is hard, very hard. Learn to love your self unconditionally as God loves you. Be kind, gentle, loving, patient, forgiving to yourself as you are to others, rather than beating yourself up. When you start doing that you will start to feel better.
I recently heard Dr. Caroline Leaf on the James Robison tv show and thought what she had to say about how our thoughts affect the chemical balance of our brains was excellent. She is a believer and her new book just out is in the link below.
<A HREF="
http://www.amazon.com/Switched-Brain-co ... ZQM608AK30" TARGET=_blank>
http://www.amazon.com/Switched-Brain-co ... 608AK30</A>
Life's battles don't always go to the stronger, the smarter, the faster hand; But sooner or later the person who wins is the one who thinks "I can." Author Unknown
http://dp19032k9.webs.com
I read something about this condition on the internet..and I KNOW I shouldn't have..it scared me. It made me feel like my condition is spiralling into schizophrenia..I asked my mother a few weeks ago if she ever had "scary thoughts"..she said " I did when I was younger"..and that scared me too. I just wish this would stop. I've been using my "stop" thought process..I've tried "floating' through it. I am faithful in prayer and I love to read the bible. I've been journalling as well. What is happening to me? I thought that I had this thing beat. Now I'm afraid that I will start having panic attacks in the middle of the night. That is the worst! being tired and panicky just doesn't go well together. Help... I don't want to go through this another day. 