Why did I push him away? Why am I like this?

Mello Nello · Post by **Mello Nello** » Thu Feb 28, 2008 11:57 am

Squish,
Look,, you have made a discovery about yourself you see now and want to change!! Thats success!! ONce we see those things clearly,, then and only then can we begin to change them. Is it fast? NO, but you can continually be aware and trust me, it will change, if your willing to change that about yourself!
Be glad you now see this! Its better if we realize these things about ourselves, instead of people pointing them out.. Now you have a goal! Thats a very good thing!!!
Work on that! And love yourself while you are changing it, dont beat yourself up! Love the fact, you can do this for YOU!
Our lives are a process of learning and growing! Its not something, you should be ashamed of, but something you embrace because you can change that part of you!!
It just takes practice,, and working hard.. take care Nelly:)

mmk22 · Post by **mmk22** » Thu Feb 28, 2008 1:24 pm

In all honesty, I wonder, what if one day, I do meet some new wonderful guy, and I completely drive him away?

You wont....you'll catch yourself, as you start to feel the way you feel now; like you need to say one more thing, make one more phone call, if you just do this, do that, tell him you need him, etc...you'll remember, and you'll have learned from this. Next time, you'll be better able to tell yourself that this is not the way you have to be.
Now I agree with dee dee, I dont think it sounds like this guy really had your best interests at heart, sounds like he was looking for more of a convenience thing...but regardless of who you meet its not going to work if there's not an even interest between both parties. I dated this guy for like 4 years and thought he was "it", as we stayed together, we began to grow apart and I just couldnt accept the fact that he wanted to move on. I was so scared of being alone. So I pleaded and called and dragged the thing on for a good 2 1/2 years until it turned into this rediculus destructive abusive relationship...I left college to spend more time with him, I ran to his house as soon as I got out of work, I got upset if he didnt want to spend time with me, so I moved in, I called if he wasnt home at exactly 5:30, I even called the hospital once because it was 7 and I convinced myself that he had been in an accident! He kept pulling away and I kept pushing my way back in, eventually, his frustration became physical and I STILL couldnt get the hint, bruises and all. (not that Im justifying violence, Im just trying to paint the picture of how pathetic I was) Always putting all this effort into a person who, as Miranda on Sex and The City says "just wasnt that into me".
Anyway, the point is, after I finally realized this was not going to work; I think the realization came after a night out with him where he spent time with another girl, then humiliated me and told me to leave, I cried my way home, saying what did I do? Stayed up all night, saying Ill just call him, Ill just go over there, didnt sleep a wink, got up at 6, took one sobering look at myself in the mirror and said:

I dont ever want to feel like this again.

The person I met after he was long gone is now my husband, he's not perfect, and neither am I, we have our issues, sometimes the pot boils over, (just refer to my previous posts)

but overall we do have a very healthy relationship. and thats because I have vowed never to let myself cling to another person as long as I live. I remind myself of how I felt that morning, just so that I wont ever return there. I still catch myself feeling needy and pushy but the key is the catch.
Believe me, if I can do it, so can you.
Now if I could just resolve to be this headstrong in other areas of my life, I wouldnt need those cds!
Seriously, you will get sick of this, you will learn from this, and you will find a healthy way to have relationships that make you feel good about yourself because you know you are treating yourself with all the respect that you deserve.
I wish you the best of luck
Marcy

squish_is_me · Post by **squish_is_me** » Thu Feb 28, 2008 2:29 pm

bum bum bum... nevermind

MichaelP · Post by **MichaelP** » Sat Mar 01, 2008 3:00 pm

Squish...for me, I think that we are like this because I heard that people with anxiety and depression feel they have to be in control of everything. We will learn to relax and let things happen we have no control over...I dont know if this is how you are too, maybe it's a guy thing??