My wife has lost total respect for me

Darren John · Post by **Darren John** » Fri May 01, 2009 9:15 pm

i`ve suffered anxiety/panic attacks for over 20 years now.I am a 41 year old man.My first relationship was at the age 32 with a woman i met on the internet.she had 2 kids from a previous relationship when we met a girl aged four and a boy aged 2.She moved 100 miles to my hometown and we set up family.I continued in my job as a warehouseman and she was a housewife.A year into the relationship we got married and had a little girl between us.I am a 100% family man and live for my family.I have never really had many mates but that doesnt really bother me as my family are my world.We would go out all the time with the kids to parks,holidays,picnics,zoos etc.all the time i suffered panic attacks and constant anxiety but i battled through it.Over the last four years my anxiety has taken over my life to the point where i am agoraphobic and have had to give up my job and have taken on the role as housekeeper looking after the kids.My wife has now got a new job as a nursey nurse which is a job she has always wanted to do and she is happy with her job.Because of the agoraphobia we dont go anywhere anymore only to the local shop.We haven`t been on a family holiday for three years now and the strain is really beginning to show.Our relationship has really suffered because of my condition my wife no longer wants to hug and kiss me instead she constantly picks faults with me blaming me for loads of different things even saying i dont bring any money into the house.we used to be so loving always touching and kissing and always hold hands when we went out.I`ve worked for the last 25 years in warehouse jobs and have never ever been an idle person i think i`ve always been a good worker.Even as a housekeeper the house is always tidy i wash,clean,cook,shop,garden in fact none of the family have to lift a finger all day and my wifes tea is there for her as soon as she walks through the door from work.She used to thank me saying its lovely but now there is not even a thank you its as though she expects it ready for her.In our 9 years of being together i cant ever remember us arguing about a problem with ourselves it has always been over kids or family.My wife has always said that she doesnt understand my condition and to be perfectly honest she doesnt really want to know about it.The last week we have been strangers to each other in the house.Thursday night she bought home some nursery homework that needed doing so i sat and did it and printed it for her the next minute she said i`m going to bed and went upstairs.Then last night i thought i`d fetch her some wine to drink.I walked to the shop and fetched her some red wine only to bring the wrong one she wanted rose so i walked back and changed it.When i got back there was no thank you from her.About 9.30pm she got up and went upstairs i said to the kids where`s your mun and they said in bed!! there was no `i going to bed or anything like that.I know she thinks i`m less of a man because i cant do anything or go anywhere.All i want is to get back to normal so i can lead the kind of life i want with my wife and kids.
There are always two sides to every story and this is just my side of it but i just want some advice??

rev. christopher · Post by **rev. christopher** » Sat May 02, 2009 4:45 am

I understand what you are going through i to feel the same way. my anxiety and panic attacks have gotten so bad that i don't want to leave the house. scraid to even drive are be alone. i don't feel like a man anymore. i have 4 children all girls. and i know they all look at me different now i used to be able to do anything. we went water skiing fishing camping i could get in the car and take us anywhere. my wife is now starting to get upset with me. i have started going to therapy and group meting with other people with anxiety and panic attack problems. i hope and pray that god will cure me of these issues so i can live a normal life again.

Cinny · Post by **Cinny** » Sat May 02, 2009 6:26 am

Tough row to hoe Darren... My layman suggestion to you is that you two need to get into some counseling, and don't try to unscramble this on your own. You both would benefit, either from your Pastor if you have one, or from a professional counselor, before it gets away from you guys too far. The old Darren is what got you where you are now, and you shouldn't try to get him back. You need the new, confident, high self esteem Darren. We try self help and solace from our program and our forums which is great, but that isn't always enough, especially if only one is participating. A counselor AND this program work really well together! Hopefully, she will be willing to go too, for you guys and for the kids. Maybe you could approach it as an effort of yours to get back in the swing, and get her to go that way. You both will be better for it. You might just find a new confident self again, that she fell in love with in the beginning. :p Best of luck to you both, and don't give up on it. Sometimes, when men have to fight to hold on to what they believe in, they find themselves along the way.

Bek1001 · Post by **Bek1001** » Sat May 02, 2009 7:54 am

Hello,

Im really sorry for all your going through. From a womans point of view, even though you are not the one working now you are doing more than your part for your wife and children. You are going out of your way for her, maybe too much so. She doesnt seem to notice how hard your trying for her.

This in no way makes you less off a man, this is an illness and is not your fault. I think you need to talk to her. Maybe get some help together. I can tell you from experience that even when you do get better, it doesnt mean your marriage will be normal again. Read my post, "I need advice!!

" Its in this same topic and you will see what I mean.

Best of luck
Bekah~

Anna Burrell · Post by **Anna Burrell** » Sat May 02, 2009 12:35 pm

I can totally understand how you are feeling and possibly because there is tension between you it is making you feel more anxious. I met my boyfriend around the time I started to have anxiety and he didn't think it was real or needed me to "get over it." I tried over and over to tell him its a sickness and I am trying my best to work through it. Over time he sees my struggles and even though he doesn't understand this disease he is respectful of the fact that it is something I need to deal with. He has become more open to learning about it, but we do have hard times still. You are NOT less of a man at all! You do a lot for your family and that is great! Just talk to her. If there is anything I have learned of being in a relationship especially with anxiety its that you NEED to communicate, and she needs to have a little more trust and faith. You guys are a team most importantly and you love each other. I hope this helps you