Babies after suffering from anxiety

Jess2005 · Post by **Jess2005** » Sun Jan 13, 2008 10:43 pm

Hey,

I've got something that has been bugging me for quite a while now. I've been suffering from anxiety from what I can remember my early teens. Now in my middle twenties I still suffer but I’ve been with the program now for a little while I’ve got some good and bad days like everyone else. But sometimes I feel I just can’t go on and they are very scary times. I feel I want to start a family someday before I am 30. I read a couple of baby books and it mentions you are never really 100% ready for having a baby. It’s just something you have to jump on the train and do it. This past year I’ve wanted children some days. Some days I can’t even deal with my anxiety just myself. I am so scared to have a child and not being able to be a good mom. In the sense that I am always thinking about my physical symptoms

I think a lot if wrong with me and I found a book yesterday on Hypochondria, kind of sounded like me. I just don’t know anymore if I am somebody who is supposed to have children or not. With my mind I always think negative.. believe me it’s a daily struggle but I’m getting myself worked up with “what if” the pregnancy goes wrong 9 months how will I deal with that and anxiety. The child birth pain scared me to death… I just see some of my friends now having children and everything seems perfect no post-pardum depression nothing everything seems perfect. But I think that’s the trick it “SEEMS”. I am telling myself that a big first experience will be scary it’s normal. I just don’t know if I am normal….

. I think maybe people just don't talk about their fears... Some stories I heard are so terrible also I don't think that helped very much...

I saw a show on Dr. Phil of a girl wanting babies but she was so afraid of labour and it’s some sort of phobia, I think I have part of that too. Or I will never be ready for babies? I think I’ve been thru so many pain and symptoms I think it would just be too much or not?

Don’t know what to think anymore…..

Dodger · Post by **Dodger** » Mon Jan 14, 2008 1:46 am

Jess.

I think its normal for most women to be nervous or scared about becoming pregnant and then becoming mothers. Its a huge change and when we already feel like there are obsticles in our everyday life its even harder to imagine.

However, You have to imagine yourself pregnant and happy and raising your children and happy. The law of attraction says that if you feel these thoughts think these thoughts it will attract the outcome to you. Its true. If we wake up in the morning going over our symptoms our feelings that are negative we continue to spiral and feel worse. But if you wake up saying I am healthy I am healthy in my mind and body and keep going through your gratefull things you will feel better.

I was a person that was sick all the time. I would wake up feeling terrible and then continue most of the day into the night. I went to ER's, doctors, specialists looking for the answer. I am healthy that is my answer I choose not to believe it. But now I have to say to myself all those years all those wasted years of worry about my health my capabilities and through it all no matter how badly I felt NOTHING BAD ever happened. I just wasted the days worrying about it.

I also had my first baby just before I turned 30 and I was in the thick of anxiety. I wondered if I could ever do this.....but I did. I leaned on the freinds and family that I had for support and I just went one day at a time. I delivered a baby boy and then went on 4 years later to have a little girl.

Labor pain? Well they have so many advances now in this day and age that pain should be the least of your worries. One doctor told me once that Women are built to have babies its what our bodies were designed to do. She was right. God or whatever higher power you believe in made us this way and just like you dont have to think to breath it comes natural.

Dont wait for the right time there never will be the right time......do what you desire. Fulfill your life. Life is for living and we only get one shot you can do this. I can tell you really want it because if you didnt it wouldnt even concern you at all...the conflict you go through isnt should I shouldnt I? Its can I? And yes you can. Dont let anxiety get in the way.....anxiety is a direct result of our thoughts and all thoughts can be changed.

Redo your program and really really listen to those people on there.....also a great DVD to watch is The Secret. Its amazing. Very Very Very inspiring.

You can do it. If I can do it you can do it we all can do it!

Dodger

Maeggie · Post by **Maeggie** » Mon Jan 14, 2008 3:23 am

Hi Ladies,

Wow, Dodger your post was so open and encouraging. I dont have children but I have been transforming rapidly about my thoughts about life and children (from bad to good!) and I agree 100% with everything you said. You have to use all the same tools to deal with big decisions as well as just getting through the day. Just to relate..I want kids soon also I am in my mid twenties however I just left my relationship of 3 years as I knew I was forcing something that would never work. Upon evaluation we have no 'precious' momments together.. that is beside the point but I am excited about meeting the right man and doing the right thing, marriage and kids.. I have faith and hope! Like I said I have been transforming rapidly and can't wait for what life holds!

Keep us posted Jess and good luck!

p.s. I can totally relate and if you ever need to vent feel free to pm me!

Jess2005 · Post by **Jess2005** » Tue Jan 15, 2008 12:03 pm

Hey Dodger & Maeggie,

Wow!! I’m speechless…You don’t know how much your posts means to me! Don’t want to sound corny but it does!
I’ve been obsessing about this subject for the past’s months… I didn’t know where to turn.. I should have written that post earlier. I didn’t think it was normal to think this way. It’s so true what you said about the laws of attraction I saw the secret it’s very true what they say!!! I just seem to have to have it printed on my forehead 

I think I’m just at a point in my lately a sort of crossroad that I am thinking about children and what our lives will be like. I’m waiting for a break from all the symptoms but it seems to just come for a couple of minutes of relief but like you say every morning it’s the same thing well into the night. I feel I know that I must put a positive front but feel so scared, seems there is always something wrong with my body. That’s why I was scared with labour pain and being pregnant pain. It’s true if I think of only the pain it will attract the pain.

I think I will redo some sessions that I feel like I needed to work more on just to make sure it’s imprinted in my brain somehow. I will not let anxiety get in the way, I was thinking of me having no children because of anxiety I think it would be ridiculous but it just messes your head up so much that I thought maybe it was a warning sign of not having any children. I know some people who live fulfilled lives without children. I was just afraid to bring some child into this world and not being able to care for him or her like I should.

Maeggie I know you will find the right man and all the happiness in the world you sound like such a deserving person. I am sorry for the relationship but I know what you mean sometimes when you feel there is no precious moments sometimes we just need to find happiness somewhere else I know you will 

Thanks!!! So much for replying you ladies put a whole new spin on things…I am less afraid and feel more normal…

Jess

KME · Post by **KME** » Tue Jan 15, 2008 12:44 pm

Hey Jess-

I am 27 and I am exactly at the same point you are. I am too struggling with anxiety and it is a daily struggle for me - some good days and some bad days...and I have been thinking a lot lately about babies. I want them so bad, but I scare myself. I fear being able to handle getting pregnant, being pregnant, and being a good mom. It is all so overwhelming to me at times. However, your post along with Maeggie's and Dodgers has given me hope. I am going to take one day at a time and really work for this. I think I have been waiting for the "perfect" time to try - when my anxiety is completely gone. But I now realize there is no "perfect" time - and it is okay to feel nervous about this change, but not to get to upset about it. I think we both can do it - I will keep you in my prayers...I think we are just scared of this new change - and I think this is normal, we need to stay positive and not "what if" and worry about everything. We need to view this new experience as exciting - not scary. Good luck and God bless!

wicki123 · Post by **wicki123** » Tue Jan 15, 2008 1:13 pm

Hi Ladies-
Just wanted to thank you for your posts as I too am in the same position. I am 34 and my husband and I would like to have a child. I am overwhelmed by anxiety about raising a child. I worry that my anxiety and ocd will prevent me from being a good mother. When I think about it rationally I know that I would be a great mother but anxiety usually gets the best of me and scares me into putting off trying until all of my anxiety is gone. I worry a lot about what the hormonal change will do to my anxiety. It helps just to know that others are having these same feelings as well. Your posts are very encouraging. Best of luck to you.

bevhembree · Post by **bevhembree** » Tue Jan 15, 2008 1:42 pm

DON'T let anxiety be the factor that decides whether you have children!!! Let you and your husband decide it's what you want, and if so- GO FOR IT!!! Children are blessings. Put it all in God's hands and let the doctors take care of the worrying for you- that's their job. Childbirth is relatively pain free- some discomfort- but you're not gonna be thinking about it. Your mind will be on the beautiful baby. Just please don't let anxiety rule your life- RULE IT!!! Lots of luck- Beverly

Diggy · Post by **Diggy** » Tue Jan 15, 2008 1:49 pm

As women and adults we tend to worry about these things. Its a big responsibility, freedom , financial changes ect. I had my daughter at the age of 18, at that time i had no worries... but i am considering having another child in a year or two and i found myself having some of the same fears as you. I worry about the pregnancy and the thought of miscarriage or something happening and how would i handle it. I am learning now that if i keep feeling this way, i may never have one, and the program is helping alot.

Just make sure you have a good support base and all will be ok. Good luck to you

Amy H · Post by **Amy H** » Thu Jan 17, 2008 5:06 pm

Hi,
I have been looking into this website for a few weeks now. Just reading the comments and finding much needed releif that others feel the same way as me. LET ME SAY THAT AGAIN WHAT A RELIEF! I have been suffering from panic disorder, depression and anxiety for about 7 years now. I think what brought it on for me was 9/11. My panic aremy health issues---however I have none. But I for some reason, chemical imbalance--it took me years to even admit this--I constantly live in fear that something is wrong with my health or I that I will be attacked. I would tense...somtimes still do whenever i hear an airplane that sounds too close. This has caused problems in my marriage, within myself and to be honest it is just plain annoying to both of us. I have seen consulers over the years and my primary care doctor has given me several medications--all with side effects/thus the change in meds. I wanted to comment here becasue the only time in 7 years that I didnt feel any panic or fear was when i was pregnant with my child. I was on Lexapro for awhile till we knew I was --2 months in--then I stopped taking it. So some reason I felt that I had to be in control over my panic. I know this is easier said then done---but i was forced. I had a life in me that had no one (besides God) but me to take care of him/her. I couldn't panic becasue i felt that it could harm the baby. To be honest when your pregnant your body goes through such odd changes that whenever i had an ache or pain I was able to pass it off as ...Its ok I am pregnant...I don't know maybe it was a mental thing. I was sooo scared of labor. That was the thing i thought about all the time....I mean all the time. But took a class at the hospital and i told the nurse about my panic issues. At the class they explained what to expect and what is normal, I saw the the labor wing and the rooms so that allowed me to feel in control becasue I was educated on the situation. I would like to say that i was even able to have a natural labor. It was a beatiful thing--natural or not --just flat out having a baby. Shortly after I had my child I was depressed again. I felt so guilty for feeling that way in such a wonderful time in my life but I was overwhelmed on a day to day basis anyways and then adding a baby....yikes! I started meds again and it helped. Then i stoped with them....of course i felt better! Well, I have learned that I must take meds all my life. I have taken them too many times and then stopped and the panic attacks are still there so I think i need them---in fact i know i do. I can relate to this post becasue my daughter is 20 months now and i would really love to have another one. The joy that i get from my child is so rewarding I just cant believe how much i love her....its weird or just a mother thing. Now I am seeing a psychiatric becasue I have had panic attacks in front of my child--I am a stay at home mom. She gets scared and runs to me and then I feel gulity....plus I don't want her to see Mommy going through them. She is too little to understand. I had a miscarrgie about 8 months ago and now I am afarid that my whole theory about "its ok I am pregnant" will get thrown out the window becasue I have had the miscarriage and I relize how precious life is. I think that with panic disorder I constantly live in fear. But I know that life is so short. The joy of children is such a blessing. I am currently on meds but I still have attacks....low dose becaue they are new meds...but I have learned a few tricks to calm myself down. I ask my husband if he is home to rub my back ---but not to speak---only listen if i talk. If at Chruch I ask him to put his arm around me and rub my shoulder. I try not to talk but to breath and i tell myself that I am ok....this will pass. Sometimes it doesn't and I take an adivan and thats ok. When i am home alone I try to leave the room my child is in--she is safe--and i take a few deep breaths and try to think about something very pleasant or i make myself busy wiht cooking or i call someone. Sometimes i dont even tell my friend what is wrong i just need another voice to change my thought process. I tell myself I cant act this way in front of my child. Then i think about things my mom did that i saw that have affected me. No harm done but if i can avoid it i would like to. Dont we all strive to be better then our parents? I just wanted to say that if you want to have children don't let anxiety stop you from this joy. You can work thorugh anything in life. God wouldn't give you something that you couldn't handle. Some women still take meds while pregnant under their doctors watch and after you can take the meds again if your not comfortable with it. I wish you the best of luck. If i had the energy and the money I would have 10 kids. I DONT HAVE EITHER but what a blessing!!!
P.S. Dodger I loved your post. I felt that you were talking to me. It was just what i needed to hear at the just the right time. Thank you.
I loved this....so true....EVERYDAY I need to think this beside the pregnant part.....

"However, You have to imagine yourself pregnant and happy and raising your children and happy. The law of attraction says that if you feel these thoughts think these thoughts it will attract the outcome to you. Its true. If we wake up in the morning going over our symptoms our feelings that are negative we continue to spiral and feel worse. But if you wake up saying I am healthy I am healthy in my mind and body and keep going through your gratefull things you will feel better."