Scared to go back down hill

KME · Post by **KME** » Sun Jan 13, 2008 10:48 am

I finished the program last week and I am so proud of myself. I also have been weening myself off Paxil for the past several weeks and my last dosage was last Friday (two days ago). I am now starting to get nervous that I can't do it without the medicine and I am scared to go back down to where I was before (which I would not wish on my worst enemy). My biggest reason I want to beat my anxiety without medication is because I want to have a baby with my husband and I want to enjoy this experience. This is something I have wanted for so long and when we started to try this past summer - I lost it….I couldn’t handle the fear I had around getting pregnant and carrying the baby. My anxiety got the best of me. In September, I went back on my medicine (Paxil – which I had been off of for about 8 months) and I decided to go through Lucinda’s program. It was a struggle for me to work on everything, but it helped so much …I finished the 15 week program last week. I was feeling a ton better – but I still have a lot to work on. Well this past weekend I started that obsessive worry thought about the possibility that I could have trouble getting pregnant and if I did get pregnant how could I handle it for 9 months? I am afraid that I would fear everything while being pregnant and not enjoy it – I would think every little pain was something wrong and think that something could happen to the baby. I am afraid that my anxiety will sky rocket again if I was pregnant and that couldn't be good if I was carrying a baby. I am also scared because I know how terrible it was when I was at my lowest point - I am terrified to go back there. I think about how bad I felt and that scares me. What if the medicine was keeping me feeling better, but now that I am off it – will I go back down hill? But I want to be off it to try and get pregnant. I know I am rambling, but does anyone have any advice? I think I am just so scared of the change (and it is something I have no control over) - getting pregnant and carrying a baby, but that is the one thing I want more than anything.

Bees4me · Post by **Bees4me** » Sun Jan 13, 2008 11:32 am

Hi KME,
First of all congrat's on finishing the program and getting off your meds just remember how strong you must be to do both those things. Wow you did it you got control of your anxiety and went off your med's what an amazing accomplishment. Be proud of yourself honey and I think it is very normal to be unsure of the anxiety coming back and thoughts and no med's I mean we are human and most of us are very sensitive humans. But honey if this is what you want remember you are in control which you have proven by going through the program and getting off med's. Anxiety is something that you have control over I know it is not easy trust me I am only on lesson 9, but we can do this and you have alot of support here and understanding. If this baby is something you want so badly then you go ahead and enjoy your life honey and why not start now you are doing awesome remember how far you have come and you never have to go back you are in control. I hope this helps somewhat I didn't mean to run on but may God bless you and I will keep you in my prayers. Have faith in yourself you will make the right choice.
Mimi

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jan 13, 2008 1:16 pm

I truly believe some people should be on medication. This is a condition just like if you had diabetes or something. I will stay on medication. I know for me anxiety and depression are chemical and even hormonal for me. Not everyone should be on meds, but for some people I think it is beneficial. Don't be too hard on yourself if you feel as if you need to continue the medicine. It does not make you weak.
Being sensitive to your own needs, makes you a better person.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jan 13, 2008 1:20 pm

Sorry I didnt see that you were trying to get pregnant it didn't show that part of your post on my email... You should talk this over with your physician. I have 4 kids and I never had to be on meds while pregnant, maybe it is a hormone thing. I feel less anxious pregnant. I did start antidepressants after all my kids though to deal with postpartum. Good luck. You are so strong. Good for you .

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jan 13, 2008 1:53 pm

You know you can go back on the meds anytime you feel you might be slipping back. There are several you can take while pregnant. I had a baby 3 months early, lost one at 16 weeks, and carried two full term after that. I didn't know of the program at the time, and I obsessed about what might go wrong in the last two pregnancies. I ran to the doctor constantly thinking I was losing them or in early labor. You have the advantage of completing the program, so you can utilize the tools you've learned. Don't let "what if's" be the deciding factor in whether you get pregnant. If you want a baby, then go for it. Take it one day at a time. Best wishes. Beverly

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jan 13, 2008 2:12 pm

I agree with Doozy (again!). Keep listening to the tapes. We anxious types will always need that support. Try going back to the week on obsessive thinking. Remember what the program taught you. There are no failures. I think you can stay off the meds if you stop the "What if" thinking and "walk through the wall of the anticipatory anxiety". Go back to the tapes, go back to the workbook. You need a little refresher, no biggy.

Debbie

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jan 14, 2008 11:22 am

Thank you all for your comments - they truly help. I felt so much better after reading them. I do think I am going to review the entire program because I also believe the repetition is what I need and helps it all start to sink in - I am really going to concentrate on the worry and obsessive what if thinking - these are the areas I really struggle with. I am going to be positive and have faith that I can do this...the kind supportive words from all you really helped. Thanks!